Renowned author and coach with a unique blend of experience as a former D1 softball player, Certified Mental Performance Consultant, and a distinguished 15+ years honing the mental toughness and resilience of Soldiers through expert teaching and training. Passionate about empowering today's youth.
Most of us are constantly under pressure and on the go with our fast-paced lifestyles. It's only natural for us to occasionally feel worn out or even a bit down from time to time. This is true for adults and teens alike. This is often the product of our brain’s natural tendency to notice and remember negative things, called the Negativity Bias.
The Negativity Bias is a hardwired function of our brains. If left unchecked, it is one of the major reasons why teens today struggle with confidence, anxiety and depression. They have instant access to so much more information than any previous generation.
The good news is that something as simple as refocusing their attention from their challenges to acknowledging the things that they are grateful for in their life can instantly boost their mood. Studies show that practicing gratitude on a regular basis can raise your mood and also boost your self-esteem, will power, long-term health, and even your level of success in life
You’ll be more enthusiastic. Research shows that when people recorded what they were thankful for in a journal on a regular basis, they reported having a larger sense of enthusiasm for their life than those who didn’t write about their gratitude.
You’ll feel more determined to achieve your goals. When you take notice of the good things you have, you’re more likely to put your nose to the grindstone and keep working for whatever else you desire.
Your level of optimism will soar. According to several studies, those who documented what they were thankful for were much more positive about how their life was going and how it would proceed. Being optimistic is the number 1 driver of resilience and mental toughness.
Energy levels increase. If you have gratitude, you’ll have more energy to create the life you desire. Being aware of what you’re thankful for galvanizes your efforts to discover all that your life can be.
You’ll pay more attention. Being thankful ensures you’ll be more alert and aware of how your life is going, what you’re doing, and how you can continue to build the life you want.
Levels of stress drop. As you live a life of gratitude, things that used to stress you out will lose their power. Spending time in the emotion of gratitude has an undoing effect on the stress response. You literally help your body calm down and spend less energy.
You’ll feel more content with life. Those who consciously have gratitude experience reduced levels of depression.
You’ll exercise more. Those who show a sense of thankfulness had higher reports of exercising more than those who weren’t keeping a gratitude journal. And let’s be honest we could all stand to move more in our lives.
Providing aid to others will come easier to you. When you notice all the positive things surrounding you, you’ll reach out to help others more often. When your mind is filled with positivity and contentment, you’ll feel more like being there for others and have the energy to do so!
You’ll discover the life you truly want. As unusual as it may sound, the research about gratitude indicates that those who have thankfulness in their hearts are more likely to achieve their goals. As your thankfulness grows, you're better able to see how far you’ve come instead of how far you have left to go.
There are many proven ways to build more gratitude in your life. One of the best ways to help your teens learn these tools is to model them yourself as parents.
Practices to overcome negativity bias & cultivate gratitude for you & your teen
1. Keep a list of the things you’re grateful for
The next time that you feel angry, frustrated, or a bit depressed, make a list and literally count your blessings. Making a list helps you to stop obsessing over the current situation.
Don't stop at just one list. Consider keeping a journal to record the things and events in your life for which you are grateful. Over time, you create a tangible record of all of the positive aspects of your life.
2. Start the day on a positive note
Set the tone and focus for the rest of your day by taking a few moments each morning to review the positive things in your life.
Self-reflection can be a great way to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Good questions to ask include: “What's something good that is happening right now,” “What opportunities await me today,” or “Whose love or friendship am I grateful for?”
3. Be alert to the goodness all around you
It's hard to have a positive attitude if you focus on only the negative things happening around you. Make a point to consciously hunt the good in everything, especially in small, simple things such as a child's innocent laughter, the beauty found in nature, or a kind gesture from a loved one.
4. Perform random acts of kindness
You can increase your own gratitude by being someone else's reason for thankfulness. Practice random acts of kindness by unexpectedly helping others.
What may seem like a small act to you can be a very large act of generosity to someone who is in need. Look for opportunities each day to help someone else. The other person will be thankful for your generosity and you’ll be grateful for the boost in your self-esteem and mood.
This also helps us be more attuned to others around us. It’s a common experience to be “self-focused” as we go about our day. Shifting our focus outside ourselves onto how we can help those around us forces us to be more engaged and aware of the world and people around us.
5. A picture is worth a thousand words
Why not document the things that you’re grateful for by recording them with a photo? You can even spread the good thoughts around by sharing your gratitude pictures on your social media accounts.
6. Save notes of gratitude, instead of loose change, in a jar
Too busy to make gratitude lists or keep a gratitude journal? Try writing short notes about gratitude to yourself and keeping them in a jar!
Whenever you need an encouraging word, remove one of the notes and read it to instantly perk up your mood!
As the end of the year draws to a close, look back over your gratitude notes to be reminded of all of the good things that happened to you throughout the year.
This could also become a bedtime, dinner time or car ride ritual.
There are difficult times in everyone's life, but practicing gratitude on a regular basis gives you the power and inspiration to remain positive as you overcome challenges. Teaching young people this skill is vital to help them build the habit of fighting back against the Negativity Bias.
Get started today on your own gratitude journal. Write about everything that you’re grateful for. As you begin to give thanks, you’ll find your dreams coming true.
If you would like a more specific guided experience for you and your teen, consider joining my free 30 Day Gratitude Challenge.
Read more from Valerie Alston
Valerie Alston, Mental Performance and Resilience Coach
Drawing from a rich background as a former D1 softball player and a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, she boasts over 15 years of experience dedicated to teaching and training Soldiers in the intricate art of mental toughness and resilience. As a distinguished author and coach, she brings a unique perspective to the realm of performance enhancement. Currently, her passion lies in empowering today's youth, leveraging her expertise to build and foster resilience through sports and mental toughness training, ensuring the next generation thrives in both their athletic pursuits and broader life challenges. With a comprehensive approach to athlete development, she extends her expertise to parents and coaches. Committed to enhancing understanding, she collaborates with them to impart valuable insights on building the mental toughness of young athletes, fostering an environment that nurtures resilience and unleashes their full potential.
