Chris Harris is an international keynote speaker and executive coach who focuses on helping others transform their mindset to improve their performance in sales, leadership, and life. He has trained hundreds of companies from over 60 countries, authored eight books, and has been inducted into the Martial Arts Hall of Fame.
In Western movies, cheating at cards got you shot, and stealing cattle got you hanged. The judgments were swift, the penalties were severe, and the offender’s only hope of forgiveness or redemption was to find a new town in another territory.
When my children were smaller, I would say to them: Just because someone lies to you doesn’t mean they’re a liar, and just because someone steals from you doesn’t mean they’re a thief. There is a vast difference between someone who “did” something and someone who “is” something. Good people make bad choices, and unless these choices form patterns, we should be careful about labeling because labels sometimes stick forever.
Growing up, the moment I was in the presence of someone who knew my mother, I would hang my head in shame. Her crimes were printed in the newspapers and reported on the local news, and as a kid, I felt like the world knew. The moment someone identified me as “that woman’s son,” I could hear the gavel hit the wooden block on the judge’s bench. Over time, I became so accustomed to being associated with her sins that I began to label myself metaphorically wearing a stamp on my forehead that read: “My mother’s son.”
If we criticize someone enough times (or just one time with enough intensity), we run the risk of our words being repeated in that person’s head a thousand times over. This sobering fact holds true even if our words are founded in lies or misinformation. Has anyone ever said you were ugly, stupid, lazy, or worthless? If so, you had to “accept” it as truth before it “became” truth. And, just as easily as you accepted it you can reject it. Hurtful words that are carelessly flung out of anger, pain, or ignorance can become the knotted and twisted lies that alter one’s self-image and take a lifetime to unravel.
Was it fair for others to judge me for my mother’s actions? Was it right? Was it just? Of course not, but what does “fair, right, or just” have to do with it? Anytime someone tells me that life isn’t fair, I look them square in the eyes and say, “Compared to what?” To cut myself loose from the lies of my past, I first had to eject the worn-out loop tape I carried on my hip and throw it back into the dark abyss from where it came. Furthermore, I had to stop feeding, petting, and nurturing the negative opinions of others and take ownership for my part in these two-way affairs. To sum it up: People called me by a name that I didn’t like, and I chose to answer to it, plain and simple.
For 20 years, I saw myself as the son of a drug dealer. I wore two labels: the one across my back read “not good enough,” and the one across my chest read “guilty by association.” The good news is, when I made the decision to eject the tape and reject the lies, I was free in the blink of an eye. Now, reflecting back, it was as if I had voluntarily walked myself into a jail cell as a boy, shut the large metal door behind me, and waited for someone to rescue me, only to realize that I had the key in my pocket the entire time. Self-pity feasts on crumbs, self-doubt thrives without proof, and self-acceptance grows with but a single decision. What ugly lie is living rent-free in your head? Are you ready to serve the eviction notice?
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Chris Harris, Keynote Speaker & Executive Coach
After overcoming a tumultuous childhood and through his countless experiences teaching close-quarters combat to elite warriors, Chris Harris has witnessed firsthand the transformational power of having a healthy mindset and choosing the proper perspective. As a captivating keynote speaker, he uses his life stories of enduring homelessness, overcoming adversity, and achieving fulfillment and success to inspire, encourage, and challenge his audience to obtain the life they want by using the tools they already possess.
