Written by: Juliette Marhofer-Dugger, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Boundaries can feel complicated until they don’t. My goal is to come alongside you to unpack and simplify this element of care for nyour soul.
Our journey to wholeness activates permission in our soul to put boundaries in place. Stepping into this process can be very difficult, but before long the benefits begin transcending those initial challenges. This decision will forever alter the trajectory of your existence in the best of ways. There is not ONE relationship on planet earth exempt from the need for boundaries.
If relationships give life meaning can we begin with an idea of what we think we need and watch ourselves heal and grow? We can interpret failed relationships as part of the human condition or we can seek to understand why our relationships have failed. Either path can leave us feeling paralyzed. But, what if we begin to explore the possibility of those relationships teaching us how to create the life we truly desire?
Can we really create the life we want?
Creating boundaries has become an ongoing conversation with my friends, family, and clients. I believe these definitions provide additional context while you're discovering your starting point.
➔ The definition of boundary: a real or imaginary point beyond which a person or thing cannot go.
➔ The definition of border: trespassing a region along with the dividing line between two countries (let’s think of this as two people).
Let me share five thoughts to help you begin:
Boundaries say, love, give love, and show love for our faith, ourselves, and others.
Boundaries are like having a budget. A budget tells your money where to go and boundaries communicate to your relationships how to function. Boundaries are one of the greatest forms of soul care we can give ourselves. Boundaries place us in a posture of peace and power. Not power over others, but power to tell ourselves how to treat others and how we are to be treated.
Boundaries become the difference between functional and dysfunctional relationships.
So, how can I begin to free my soul?
FREE YOUR SOUL No.1
What does it look like to love people at a distance?
We often choose loyalty over longevity. We remain “loyal” in relationships that are dysfunctional and deny healthy relationships that could last a lifetime.
Question 1: Would you describe yourself as “loyal to a fault”?
Take some time to journal your answer. Release yourself of guilt, denial, and shame. Receive love and forgiveness to free your soul. This is your opportunity to reevaluate relationships in your life and consider what you desire to give and receive in future relationships.
Question 2: Why is loyalty important to you?
It’s very important to recognize that others can take advantage or we can take advantage of loyalty in our relationships and mistake it for authentic
affection. Loyalty can actually be a cheap imposter if it’s expected, abused, or dishonored.
“The only people that will be upset about you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you having none.” – Unknown
There are those relationships we fight for and for some, the healthiest decision we can make is to release them. Reconciliation takes two. When two people are headed towards wholeness, the desired goal will surface. However, we don’t need another person to reconcile the pain within ourselves to access our peace and power! Your peace and power aren’t held hostage by another person unless they have consent to keep writing in your story! If you are ready to heal, change, and move forward, then a new future awaits you! Are you ready to cross over into restoration and freedom for your soul?
Use this visual to support the desired boundary goals for your soul: The Bridge Imagery
Being a bridge offers distance that gives both parties perspective. The imagery of a bridge relates to the posture of your soul:
➔ Back yourself up on your side of the mental bridge to gain perspective and really look at the relationships in your life.
➔ Become a bridge and your love becomes the borders of your life.
➔ I invite you to grab a journal and utilize these prompts for yourself:
◆ Do I cross or do they?
◆ Do I meet them in the middle?
◆ Do I meet at all?
◆ How do your spirit, soul, and body and mind, will, and emotions respond at the mention of their name?
◆ How do you function when you are in their presence?
◆ Then, name your feelings!
◆ For example: If you feel sad, do you associate this feeling with rejection or abandonment?
Building your relational framework around boundaries creates a pathway of success in your human connections. Boundaries are not self-preservation.
Choosing to have boundaries means you’re always seeking to honor your faith, self, and others, by guarding your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself.
When we don’t put our boundaries in motion the new future we desire to create for ourselves appears out of reach.
FREE YOUR SOUL No.2
Always begin by asking a question! Because questions lead to transformation. Let’s identify a few more ways to set your intention and your boundaries.
Question 1: Who or what is trespassing in your story?
First, reflect on the definition of borders.
PONDER: If someone is in your territory uninvited they are there illegally.
Question 2: Or do they have your permission to be in your story? PONDER: We can’t rid ourselves of the dysfunction we are still entertaining. PONDER: We can’t complain about that which we are unwilling to change.
Question 3: What is one boundary you can put in motion today?
Question 4: Describe a boundary you have sacrificed in the past that you desire to uphold in the future?
FREE YOUR SOUL No.3
The next part of our conversation increased my creativity and the quality of my life greater than anything I have ever experienced.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” - Lewis B. Smedes, Author of Forgive and Forget: Healing The Hurts We Don’t Deserve
Let’s explore extravagant forgiveness together: Relax, inhale and exhale with each of these thoughts surrounding forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you remove your boundaries.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you place a “welcome mat” at the door of your heart.
Forgiveness isn’t pretending it didn’t happen!
Unforgiveness requires attention and energy and becomes a thief to your creativity and healthy headspace.
Unforgiveness traps you in the past and holds your future hostage. Forgiveness is setting yourself free and granting your heart permission to move into your future with peace and power!
Question 1: If you could redirect the energy from your subconscious to consciously creating what would that look like for you?
Question 2: Is there an area of your life that you are holding yourself hostage that needs your forgiveness?
FREE YOUR SOUL No.4
In the nooks and crannies of our mind, will, and emotions, there seems to be a common thread of questions among humanity that dominate and feel as though they plagues the human spirit. Let’s ponder these thought-provoking questions:
Question 1: Am I enough?
Question 2: Will I come through?
Question 3: For who?
Maybe the question we can ask ourselves today isn’t “who” but “why”. Our knee-jerk response to the “why” is often a laundry list of reasons why we don’t qualify.
These voices that inform us are often embedded since childhood. We assume we won’t come through and we will never measure up. Our “why” is our identity we hand off to people for their opinion. If we aren’t careful their definition of us begins to overtake our authentic narrative of who we truly are. We then find ourselves in a crisis seeking the “why” from people and come up short.
In the process of “freeing our soul” we can get so caught up in what we are that we forget who we are. Here we are friends, running our race in our own lane, and in the midst of relating, we are all unique! Each of us in different seasons and lane changes. When we embrace the cleansing of our soul, life hugs us so tight and a beautiful paradigm shift happens! Grace becomes a canopy over our lives and we give ourselves space to heal. Tending to the fragile places in our soul forges us into blade runners! When we find out what we don’t know and take action, empowerment transforms even the mundane! Let’s keep healing and growing in the process of the process. A life with boundaries is a life of peace, power, and love.
Cheers to boundaries and freedom,
Juliette Marhofer Dugger
Juliette Marhofer-Dugger, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Juliette Marhofer Dugger, is a mother, coach, speaker, author, entrepreneur, thought leader, and philanthropist whose obsession with Soul Care points others to rewrite their story and not to relive history. After childhood and adulthood trauma caused a collision of abandonment and intimate belonging in her soul, she created dialogue to radically transform her narrative. Juliette has committed her life to help others unleash their creativity in the middle of the war in their soul not after it ends! She is the Founder of WildWell Company and the Master Coach and Creator of Detox Dialogue™, a movement of personal transformation through soul care for females whose private and professional lives have been impacted by systemic cycles and patterns, mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse, and betrayal trauma. She is a published author and host of YELLOWSOUL, an interview-based podcast holding rogue conversations for women to know “if it's defined you, it matters, let’s talk about it”. Juliette is passionate about reframing soul hygiene to disrupt the view of how we connect to faith, ourselves, and others to create a life of wonder!
