Written by: Alexis Lynch, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Our society is full of norms and standards. Some consider it "weird" or unusual when something different comes along. Others may reject these differences; some may find interest, while others finally find someone to relate to. Rejection is what can begin a neurodivergent individual's coping of masking their true selves. Feelings of not "fitting in" can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression, which may lead to self-esteem issues because of the constant state of masking who they are. Next, I will give a few examples of different effects masking creates and how to begin removing the mask.
As common as rejection is, so is Rejection Sensitivity for neurodivergent individuals. Rejection Sensitivity would look like sensitivity to criticism and rejection, even if it weren't the other person's intention to offend. The emotional response can be intense and reinforce the idea that you're not good enough or no one likes you. To avoid fierce reactions in social settings, individuals may avoid certain situations, people, or events- further rewarding the anxiety cycle.
Masking is unconscious and leads to mimicking the people they are around. Due to possible sensory sensitivities (sound, lighting, smells, etc.), paying attention during conversations could also be challenging. Distractions and sensitivities co-occurring also lead to the unconscious development of a cognitive script, which helps to process the interaction and discussion in real time. The downside to this masking, mimicking, and having a cognitive script is how draining it is. Not only is the social experience exhausting, but mimicking others' behavior never seems quite right, and after a while, you lose yourself. You lose yourself in the practice of fitting into the neurotypical world, which perpetuates the cycle of anxiety leading to an emotional breakdown or burnout.
Unmasking can look like stimming in situations where you would typically refrain from doing so. Stimming is repetitive physical movements or sounds as a form of self-soothing or regulation. Examples of stimming are rocking back and forth while standing, finger flicking, hair twirling, and knuckle cracking. Taking the mask off can also look like being free to be who you are and talk about whatever hyperfocus or interest you want! Allow yourself to be more comfortable, even if it may make others uncomfortable, just because it's something different.
Supporting others to be who they are, whether neurotypical or divergent, is allowing others to express themselves in the way that is natural for them. Every person is unique and, if embraced may have an opportunity to explore within to strengthen confidence in that uniqueness. Acceptance is also necessary to dismiss the feeling of needing to fit in and not feel the need to make others fit into the box we think they should fit into.
At times taking the mask off will be uncomfortable, but it's "Better to embrace the discomfort of being different than the comfort of fitting in." (Ogwo David Emenike) Embrace others for their uniqueness, and maybe you will learn something new about how windmills work or full details on the Great White Pelican, or maybe meet an interesting new person. As you embrace others take your mask off and show the world who you are!
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Alexis Lynch, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Alexis Lynch is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the State of Florida. She specializes in neurodiversity and encourages the community to incorporate a "difference, not a deficit" mindset. Lynch is neurodivergent herself and feels this assists in the therapeutic process and client relationship. Lynch empowers her clients to utilize their strengths to work toward self-discovery and find comfort in feeling uncomfortable to gain confidence when met with challenges. The client can feel more present in their lives and reduce their anxiety by gaining this confidence and a newfound sense of self.
