Written by: Sabrina Ragan, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Every parent wants to be heard and understood by their child. We want to feel like we have a positive influence on their lives and can guide them in the right direction. But have you ever wondered how to unlock the power to make your child not just listen but genuinely want to listen? As a child psychologist, I've had the privilege to work with many families and observe the extraordinary superpower parents possess in their relationships with their children. This superpower lies within the relationship we foster with our children, serving as the foundation of trust, love, and sincere willingness to follow our guidance. Your attachment relationship with your child is a powerful tool that can inspire them to not only listen, but genuinely desire to listen to you.
The impact of our interactions
In the joyous realm of parenting where laughter is contagious and silliness brings happiness, it's crucial to recognize the impact our interactions have on our children's developing brains. Every conversation, every shared activity, every time you join them in their world of play, and every quiet moment spent together contributes to shaping their perceptions and behavior. Children pick up on every detail of our interactions, from our tone of voice to our body language. When we communicate with our children in a positive, respectful, and empathetic manner, we are building a strong foundation of trust and security that our children can rely on.
Understanding attachment beyond infant bonding
Attachment is often associated solely with baby bonding, but it extends much further. It represents the intertwining of instinct and emotion that drives us to seek closeness and connection with our loved ones throughout our lives. Within this attachment lies the key to unlocking our child's innate desire to listen and follow our guidance. When your child experiences a close relationship with you they are driven to seek further closeness and one of those ways is by following your direction and expectations. The closer the bond the better they listen.
Have you ever pondered the depth of attachment your child has for you? Attachment is not about perfection, but it's about showing up for your child consistently and with love. By being there for your child in times of need, providing a safe haven, and responding to their cues sensitively, you are building an attachment relationship that will positively impact their development. This nurturing relationship allows you to tap into your child's instincts and foster their willingness to listen, not out of fear, but out of genuine love and adoration.
The two buttons theory
So how do you tap into this instinct of your child's so that you can get them to genuinely want to listen to you? Imagine your child's brain having two buttons. Each interaction offers an opportunity to press the positive attachment button, flooding their body with warmth, love, and joy. Conversely, pressing the negative button triggers feelings of sadness, fear, worry, or frustration, eroding your child's sense of security and desire to listen to you. Seeing your child's brain as having two buttons helps to harness your superpower and create a nurturing environment for your child.
The consequences of negative attachment
Pressing the negative button repeatedly can lead to increased insecurity in your child's relationship with you, often manifesting as challenging behavior, meltdowns, and power struggles. If left unchecked, it can redefine the entire parent-child dynamic.
When children feel disconnected from their parents, they may turn to other sources outside the family for guidance and validation. If our children turn away from us to other sources of comfort they push away from us, our guidance and our expectations and are drawn toward whatever outside source they are seeking comfort from. If that is their peers they will listen more to their friends than to you and actively push away from you. There is so much power in the direction of the attachment.
This can lead to negative consequences such as peer pressure, seeking attention in unhealthy ways, or acting out in destructive behavior. By recognizing the impact of our interactions on our child's attachment and taking proactive measures to strengthen it, we are unlocking our parenting superpower and fostering a healthy and secure relationship with our children.
Practical suggestions to nurture positive attachment
To utilize this superpower effectively in your parenting journey, here are some practical suggestions:
Foster Connection: Connect with your child before making requests. By entering their world, you create a positive foundation for communication.
Establish a Warm Wake-up Routine: Spend some snuggle time together when waking your child up for school. This creates a warm and close atmosphere before gently asking them to get up.
Practice Mindful Humor: Consider the impact of your jokes and teasing on your child's emotions. Choose humor that uplifts and creates joy for both of you.
Express Affection: Hug your child and tell them you love them frequently. These small gestures have a significant impact on building secure attachment.
Validate Emotions: Acknowledge your child's feelings, even if you don't agree with their behavior. This shows empathy and strengthens the bond between you.
Prioritize Quality Time: Set aside time for special activities with your child that they enjoy. This reinforces their sense of importance and strengthens the attachment bond.
Unlock your parenting superpower
Building a strong parent-child relationship is an ongoing process filled with opportunities to connect, understand, and support each other. By incorporating these positive strategies into your parenting approach, you can nurture a loving environment where your child feels valued, secure, and empowered.
As parents, we possess a wonderful and powerful superpower – our ability to nurture positive attachment relationships with our children. By understanding the impact of our interactions and taking practical steps to strengthen this bond, we can inspire our children's natural desire to listen and follow our guidance. In doing so, we not only foster healthy development but also create a loving and secure environment for our children to grow in. So go ahead, unlock your parenting superpower, and watch your child thrive!
Reflective questions
Reflecting on your parenting practices can help you strengthen your relationship with your child. Ask yourself these questions:
Are my interactions with my child primarily focused on building a positive and secure attachment bond?
Do I intentionally press the positive attachment button during our interactions, or do I find myself pressing the negative button out of frustration or impatience?
How can I make a conscious effort to deepen and strengthen the attachment bond with my child?
Understanding and utilizing the power of attachment in our parenting journey is crucial for creating a strong and nurturing relationship with our children. Embrace this superpower and use it to shape your children's growth and well-being. Remember, you are the key to unlocking their potential; let love be your guide.
If you want support, encouragement and extra guidance in creating a strong, loving relationship with your child join us at The Empowered Mom's Community Membership. Remember, it's never too late or too early to start building a strong attachment bond with your child. Together, we can shape the future generation through love, connection, and understanding. Find us also on Facebook and Instagram. Let's build a community of empowered moms and support each other on this beautiful journey of parenthood. Join us, and unlock your parenting superpower today!
Keep pressing that positive attachment button!
Sabrina Ragan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sabrina Ragan is an experienced and dedicated psychologist and play therapist who works with children and families facing challenging situations. She combines attachment theory, neuropsychology, and solution-focused techniques to build strong relationships and achieve positive results in counselling sessions. Sabrina's own experience of motherhood without family support led her to create the Empowered Mom's Membership Community, which offers a supportive space for like-minded individuals to connect. Sabrina's main focus is to improve the lives of children and families, and this commitment drives everything she does at Keystone Child and Family Therapy and in the Empowered Mom's Membership Community.
