Written by: Dr. Rachael Meir, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you noticed a growing trend towards consensual or ethical non-monogamy (CNM or ENM)? Let's explore what this means for the future of relationships.
In recent years, there has been a growing trend towards consensual, or ethical, non-monogamy (CNM or ENM) as an alternative to traditional monogamous relationships. Consensual non-monogamy is the umbrella term that encompasses a range of relationship styles, including but not limited to polyamory, open relationships, and swinging. And as society's views on non-monogamy continue to evolve, it is worth considering what this means for the future of relationships. Though non-monogamy has gained more visibility and acceptance in Western societies in recent years, it’s important to acknowledge that it’s not a new thing—or even all that rare. Non-monogamy has existed for hundreds, even thousands of years. Polygamy (having multiple spouses or being married to multiple people at the same time) is practiced in certain societies. In more recent history, we have to swing, a subculture that emerged in the US in the 1950s (and has since spread to other parts of the world) that involves couples swapping partners for sexual activity.
But what are the factors driving the rise of non-monogamy? Let's delve deeper into this topic. One of the key factors driving the rise of non-monogamy is changing attitudes toward sexuality and relationships. As society becomes more accepting of diverse sexual and gender identities, there is also a growing acceptance of alternative relationship structures. CNM can provide an avenue for individuals to express their sexuality and emotional connections in a way that is authentic and fulfilling for them. For example, someone may find that their sexual needs and desires cannot be fulfilled by a single partner and seek out additional partners to explore different aspects of their sexuality. Or, someone may feel that they have the capacity to love more than one person at a time and seek to form romantic connections with multiple partners.
Another factor driving the rise of non-monogamy is the increasing recognition of the limitations of traditional monogamous relationships. Monogamy is often viewed as the default, but it can be challenging to maintain over time as both partners are expected to fulfill each other's emotional, physical, and sexual needs, placing a lot of pressure on the relationship. People’s sexual desires, emotional needs, or life circumstances can also change over time, which can strain the relationship and lead to conflict if individuals evolve in different directions. CNM offers an alternative that allows individuals to explore different aspects of their sexuality and emotional connections while still maintaining a primary relationship and building a shared life together.
Despite its long history,non-monogamy is still shrouded in stigma and misconceptions. What are some of the societal and cultural barriers that need to be overcome? Despite the growing acceptance of non-monogamy, there are still significant societal and cultural barriers in the way. Non-monogamy is often stigmatized and misunderstood, with many people viewing it as immoral, deviant, or unnatural. This stigma can make it difficult for people to openly express their desires, explore relationships without judgment, and it can lead to social isolation and discrimination.
It also makes it difficultfor non-monogamous individuals to openly communicate their needs and preferences to others, creating barriers to forming healthy relationships. Non-monogamous relationships are viewed in a negative light because of limited knowledge or understanding about what they’re really like. They are also sadly under - or misrepresented in media and popular culture, further perpetuating stereotypes and reinforcing the stigma.
People who engage in non-monogamy are stereotyped as “promiscuous” or “selfish.” Non-monogamous relationships are assumed to be “lacking emotional depth” and inherently “unstable.” This lack of representation makes it difficultfor non-monogamous individuals to find support, resources, and community. There are also legal and social barriers, including the inability to marry more than one person, limiting their access to the legal protections and benefitsavailable to married couples. Non-monogamous relationships may also face challenges in areas such as housing, employment, and child custody, further limiting their ability to form stable and healthy relationships. But despite these challenges, it is likely that these barriers will be reduced as non-monogamy becomes more visible and accepted. With the growing acceptance of non-monogamy, what are the potential outcomes? Let's explore some of the possibilities. The growing acceptance of non-monogamy can shift how we view and engage in relationships—and that’s a good thing. One possible outcome is a shift towards more flexible, adaptable relationship structures. Rather than adhering to strict monogamous or non-monogamous categories, people may choose to create relationships according to their unique needs and desires. This could include a variety of different relationship structures, such as solo polyamory (a type of non-monogamy that prioritizes the individual's autonomy and personal growth) or relationship anarchy(a philosophy that rejects the idea of imposing any kind of structure or hierarchy on relationships, prioritizing mutual respect and autonomy), and other forms of independent relationship building. The rise of non-monogamy could lead to a greater emphasis on communication and consent within relationships. Compared to traditional monogamous relationships, non-monogamous relationships involve more complex and nuanced dynamics, requiring a high degree of communication and negotiation to succeed. With multiple people involved, each person's needs, desires, and boundaries must be respected and considered. Failing to communicate effectively could lead to issues such as jealousy, insecurity, and boundary violations. As non-monogamous relationships gain more attention, it is possible that the focus on communication and consent could become more widespread in all types of relationships. Engaging in non-monogamous relationships can be a transformative experience that leads to personal growth and development. What are some of the benefits of exploring alternative relationship structures? Engaging in non-monogamous relationships can provide individuals with opportunities for personal growth and development. Successfully navigating multiple relationships requires a high degree of self-awareness, introspection, empathy, and emotional maturity. Individuals must be honest with themselves about their needs, desires, and limitations. They must understand and respect their own emotional and physical boundaries—as well as those of their partners. Non-monogamy isn’t easy; managing multiple partnerships and navigating jealousy, insecurity, and many other complex emotions can be emotionally and mentally challenging. But nonetheless, it can be incredibly fulfilling. Developing your emotional intelligence and coping skills and undergoing self-exploration can lead to greater emotional resilience and self-awareness and a deeper understanding and awareness of oneself.
It’s worth noting that non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, and that’s perfectly alright. In the end, all types of relationship structures should respect individual choices and preferences. There shouldn’t be any coercion or manipulation involved—all parties must be fully aware of and comfortable with the arrangement to ensure that everyone's needs are being met. But as society's views on CNM continue to evolve, it is likely that we will see a greater diversity of relationship structures and a greater emphasis on communication and consent within all types of relationships. Ultimately, the future of relationships is likely to be more flexible, adaptable, and individualized, allowing individuals to create their most authentic and fulfilling relationships.
If you’re ready to explore ethical non-monogamy, or are looking for support as you navigate your own, I’m here to help. Learn more about me on my website, or book a call here and let’s talk!
Dr. Rachael Meir, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Rachael Meir is a Stanford-trained psychologist and Contemporary Relationship Clini-Coach® who specializes in ethical/consensual non-monogamy (including swinging, open relationships, polyamory, and other alternative lifestyles) and is sex-positive, LGBTQIA+ affirming, and BDSM/kink aware. As a bisexual woman in a polyamorous triad relationship herself, Dr. Meir is dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenges of opening their relationships and sustaining multiple sexual and romantic partnerships. With extensive experience working with a wide range of clients, she has a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by those living outside the bounds of heteronormative sexual orientations and monogamous relationship structures. She offers individual and group coaching to help clients learn the necessary skills to create secure and healthy relationships that work best for them.
Links:
https://www.denver7.com/news/national/study-finds-consensual-non-monogamy-is-mo re-common-than-people-realize
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210326-ethical-non-monogamy-the-rise-of-mul ti-partner-relationships
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/17/style/non-monogamy-facebook-relationship-stat us.html
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/polyamory-relationships-how-common-is-non-monog amy-cbsn-originals/
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