Written by: Nida Batool Syed, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A large percentage of your current adult problems stem from, what we therapists call, a wounded inner child. This is a part of your brain where highly emotional but unprocessed childhood memories have turned into unhealthy triggers for current situations which somewhat resemble those from your past. To be able to properly heal, you have to understand how your inner child works, why it reacts the way it does, and what the best strategies to address it are. So let’s look into that.
Do you have a wounded inner child?
First off, remember that your inner child is only a part of you; it is not you. Secondly, from birth until the age of 7, all children are egocentric. Having such tendencies, however, doesn’t make you a selfish person. It only means that, as humans, we all see ourselves at the centre of our universe. We judge circumstances from our own point of view, our beliefs, and our needs. Reality is simply what we make of it.
So, most often, your inner child will come out when these egocentric tendencies are intensified by emotional triggers, causing disruptive protective mechanisms that do not serve you well. Such emotions are engrained in your brain through repetitive triggering and generally come from deep wounds. Examples include being part of a dysfunctional family where one or both parents were physically present but not emotionally available, or it could be from another traumatic experience.
Traumatic experiences are not limited to violence, abuse, or the sudden death of a loved one. They can also mean any event, action, or word that has been said or done and which made you feel unworthy, abandoned, lonely, unsafe, unloved, or alienated. Through reflection, you may identify such emotions in the past. If those memories are still overpowering you when recalled, then this may suggest you have a wounded inner child.
Because these experiences are so powerful, many of us have learned to suppress them. If you don’t remember much about your childhood or don’t want to think about it, which is understandable, what you can do is reflect on the partnerships/relationships you currently have. Have these relationships always been difficult or dysfunctional no matter how hard you’ve tried to work on them? Have there been moments when you felt or reacted in an emotionally immature way? If yes, then you most likely have a wounded inner child.
Connecting to and healing your inner child
It is best to attempt this during a relaxed state of mind. Having a picture of yourself as a kid and using it may help. You can start by placing the picture in front of you and looking at it for a couple of minutes.
Get comfortable, close your eyes, breathe deeply, and bring up a memory of something painful from your childhood. Even if you don't remember a particular incident, you can still proceed with the following exercise by focusing on a past feeling. You can also do it if you suddenly remember a painful memory at a different time.
Here are the steps to follow:
Visualize yourself as a child (use the picture if you find it difficult to visualize).
Stay present with your younger self. Do not pay attention to what was happening at the time. For instance, if there was a fight going on between your parents, don't pay any attention to them. Focus on your inner child and not on what they should have done. Keep your attention on your inner child. You are simply holding space for the pain to be healed.
Ask your younger self what he/she is feeling? What does he/she need right now? Alternatively, you may ask your current self about the first time your experienced trauma in your life and go from there.
Let your inner child express itself however it wants. Be patient; if your inner child doesn't want to engage, it's okay. You can sit in silence with your inner child. That way you can let them know that you are present and that it's safe for them to express themselves.
This is not about how your younger self or parents should have behaved. This is about being present and loving your younger self unconditionally. Give it time and repeat as many times as needed.
This exercise can be very uncomfortable and intense. Your mind will try anything to distract you. Stay with it. If needed, keep reminding yourself that it can't hurt you right now; you are safe. What you are feeling is your body's way of letting you know that the pain is getting healed. If you suppress it, it will get buried in your subconscious and will eventually come out one way or another, for example through a sudden explosive emotional outburst or as a chronic disease.
Tips to further help the healing process
Here are a few more helpful steps you can take to move further along on your healing journey:
Write or record a note to your inner child to reaffirm, in your subconscious mind, that you are listening and paying attention to it.
Nurture another child or animal (pet) – it will help you get more connected to your own inner child.
Do something creative, such as drawing or crafts to allow your inner child to express their emotions in a healthy manner.
Take care of yourself – look up tips on self-care and self-love, and implement them.
When we give our inner child the space to freely express itself, then the wounds will start healing and certain challenges we face as adults will disappear.
Hypnotherapy can be a great method to try as well, in addition to the above exercise. Hypnotherapy uses tools and techniques to connect and communicate with your inner child. The sessions will help you overcome self-sabotaging behaviours that got developed in order.
to cope with a dysfunctional environment and create new changes that will positively impact your life. It isn’t an easy process, but once completed, you will come out the other side as a more resilient, healthier version of yourself.
Please note that full cooperation and a strong desire to heal yourself is crucial during this process. You must also be open to any outcome and believe that you can heal. So, if you feel that you are not ready to do this by yourself or could use professional help, I can support you throughout this journey. Feel free to contact me by email at info@luminoustransformationalcoaching.com or book a free, 30 minutes phone consultation to discuss your situation.
Nida Batool Syed , Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Nida Syed is the founder and CEO of Luminous Transformational Coaching practice and a senior member of the Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists Register (ACCPH), a member of The British Association of Therapeutic Hypnotists & NLP Practitioners (BAThH), and complies with their strict code of ethics. Nida Syed is also a registered member of the Complementary Medical Association (CMA), which is internationally recognized as the elite force in professional, ethical complementary medicine by professional practitioners, doctors, and increasingly, by the general public. She is evaluated and approved by the International Practitioner of Holistic Medicine (IPHM) as an Executive member as well. This accreditation is a guarantee of quality and expertise.
She currently lives and is based in Manchester since 2019 and does virtual sessions with clients from all over the world. A face-to-face session is possible if that is something a client really wants. She works together with Brighter Space and has a therapy room located in Wilmslow, Greater Manchester.
Before moving to the UK, Nida used to live in the Netherlands where she chose to do a BA in Applied Psychology because she has always been interested in the workings of the mind and human behaviour. She has worked for years in the HR department for health care institutions while studying, and she also has medical knowledge from completing the medical assistant course in Amsterdam.
After settling in the UK Nida wanted to do things differently and stop working in the regular health care system where she felt limited. Believing that each person is unique and that someone cannot be truly helped and healed by following a specific protocol or putting a label on them, she opted for a guiding role and completed a practitioner's course to become a coach. During this course, she felt like a whole new world opened up to her and decided to further expand her skills and knowledge with mastery in NLP and Hypnotherapy.
The reason for Nida to choose this path is because she believes that psychology goes hand in hand with a holistic approach. That's why in her practice, she makes sure that she is not only listening to the client but also adapts to their needs during each session, to build an authentic relationship with each client. She uses her background in the medical field, mental health, and spirituality to help clients master their mindset, grow in confidence, overcome their fears, unlock their fullest potential and discover a better version of themselves.
Nida feels most fulfilled when she helps people find their inner light after going through a transformation. She feels honored to contribute to other people's growth, supporting them in their mental health and guiding them into accepting themselves.
Nida was also born with spiritual gifts such as energy healing, which she utilizes as a Reiki Master and is a qualified Reiki teacher as well. Through Reiki healing, she helps clients release energy blockages that cause delays and obstacles in their life.
