Written by: Dora Kurimay, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
People often confuse these two terms. Many assume they’re simply just two different words for the same thing, but this isn’t true. You can have a lot of self-esteem and minimal self-confidence. The opposite is also true.
Having both is important. You’ll be more successful, happier in general, and happier with yourself if you can cultivate both qualities.
See how self-confidence and self-esteem are two different things:
Self-confidence is situation specific.
1. Confidence comes from the Latin word fidere, meaning “to trust” (Burton, 2015). Therefore, to be self-confident one must trust in oneself and their ability to engage with the world. You can have a lot of self-confidence regarding your ability to do math, host a great party, or play table tennis, tennis, golf, racket sports, or basketball. You can simultaneously have zero self-confidence in your ability to cook or sing.
Self-confidence is the amount of trust you have in yourself to do a particular task well.
2. Self-esteem is the general impression you have of yourself. Self-esteem is a form of self-love. It’s how pleased you are with yourself in general. You can have a lot of self-confidence and very little self-esteem. The opposite can also be true.
3. Self-confidence is easier to build. Self-confidence is the result of preparation and success. For example, if you prepare well for a tournament, important event or presentation, or exam, you’ll have confidence in your ability to do well in these events. When you have a history of doing well at something, you’ll develop self-confidence in that area.
4. Self-esteem can’t be built with achievements, but self-confidence can. A wall full of trophies and awards can boost your self-confidence. However, it may do little for your self-esteem. You can be great at something without valuing yourself.
Building self-confidence is work, but the work that needs to be done is quite clear. If you want to be confident at giving amazing serves, shots, shooting free throws, practice, shoot 100 of them each day until you’re consistently successful. Practice giving speeches until you’re good at giving them and you’ll develop self-confidence in that area of your life.
Learning to love yourself more will help you build self-esteem.
Practice these techniques to build your self-esteem:
Identify your values and use them to guide your decisions. List your values and refer to your list often. Think about changes you can make to your life to live according to your values. Failing to adhere to your values is a leading cause of low self-esteem.
Reject perfection. If you’re trying to be perfect, you’re going to fail. If you consistently fail at living up to a standard, your self-esteem will suffer. Lower the bar to something achievable and give yourself the chance to be pleased with yourself.
Volunteer. Spend some of your time each week helping others that are less fortunate. This is a great way to show yourself that you’re a kind and giving person. Find an organization that serves a cause that you feel empathy for.
Manage your self-talk. If you spend all day insulting yourself, it’s tough to feel good about yourself. There’s no way to permanently shut down your inner vocalizations, but you can manage them. Stop yourself when you notice negative self-talk and turn it into something positive.
You can have one without the other. Self-esteem and self-confidence do not always occur together. But it’s much more powerful to have both than to only have one. It is entirely possible to be confident in your abilities but have low self-esteem. You can be wildly successful with just self-confidence, but your successes will never make you happy or satisfied. For example, a professional athlete or celebrity may have a lot of self-confidence in their abilities but may suffer from low self-esteem and doubt their worth. Both work together synergistically to create a life experience that can’t be duplicated any other way. However, when we are confident in areas of our lives, it may help to increase our overall sense of esteem, allowing us to work on both at the same time. Build self-confidence in the areas that serve you. Build your self-esteem so you can love yourself.
Dora Kurimay, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dora Kurimay is an author, coach, and mental performance coach. She has been interested in psychology since a young age. Since her dad is a psychiatrist, she heard about the theories of Freud, Jung, Fromm by the time she was in high school. As an introvert, observing people and wanting to analyze and understand their behavior came naturally to her. When she played for the Hungarian Table Tennis National team, she came to realize the importance of the mental game and she also had a chance to work with a sports psychologist. In the process of working with a sports psychologist, she learned about the concept of “flow”, developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi about how she can perform her best effortlessly, which turned out to be transformative for her as a player. Along with the technique of visualization, these two things helped me to become one of the top players in Europe under age 18. Having experienced sports psychology’s ability to personal empowerment and professional success firsthand, she knew that after her sports career, she would transition into the field of psychology and sports psychology. Which she did.
She is the founder of Dora Kurimay Inc. She works with athletes, professionals, teams, and anyone who seeks fulfillment and well-being in their mind, body, and spirit. Dora's effective training programs are designed to reduce stress, successfully manage internal and life balance, and maximize performance.
