Understanding Somatic Sexology and How to Reconnect with Your Pleasure to Empower Your Life
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 4
- 9 min read
Written by Kate Alderman, Somatic Sexologist
Kate Alderman is a Somatic Sexologist, Intimacy & Relationships Coach, Psychedelic Integration Coach, and the founder of: You’re A Strong Woman Foundation - Domestic Violence Prevention and Recovery. With a decade of experience in plant medicines and extensive expertise in sexual empowerment, trauma-informed healing, and somatic coaching, Kate empowers individuals and couples to reclaim their power and thrive through embodied practices and transformative coaching.
Intimacy is a powerful form of medicine, deeply rooted in the biological exchange between partners. Through physical closeness and emotional connection, we trigger the release of a cascade of hormones that promote health and well-being. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, cultivates trust and connection, while dopamine and serotonin enhance feelings of pleasure and happiness. Testosterone and oestrogen boost sexual desire and vitality, and progesterone supports emotional balance.
These hormonal exchanges flood our systems during intimate moments, regulating the nervous system and cultivating vitality, longevity, immune system strength, and skin and body repair. The result is a profound sense of peacefulness, youthfulness, playfulness, and overall well-being. Intimacy is a source of connection, a natural and essential medicine for both the body and mind.
In today’s fast-paced world, our minds are often overactive, and many of us find ourselves disconnected from the most intimate and powerful parts of ourselves: our bodies, our pleasure, our desires, and our ability to fully experience our sexuality. Society has taught us to suppress, ignore, or even feel shame about these aspects of our lives, leaving us with a limited understanding and a diminished sense of pleasure and connection.
This disconnection doesn’t only affect our intimate lives; it ripples into every area of our existence.
Reclaim your connection and discover new possibilities
But what if there were a way to reclaim that connection with yourself and open a whole new chapter of connection with your partner? What if you could rediscover your body’s profound wisdom, experience deeper levels of pleasure, and develop more meaningful intimacy? What if you could restore trust, empowerment, confidence, and creativity by reconnecting with your pleasure and integrating it through your body?
Imagine the impact sexual empowerment could have on every area of your life. If you have children, imagine how your empowerment would set them up to experience sexual empowerment and empowered living!
When we embark on personal empowerment and healing, we transform ourselves and contribute to collective evolution. We create ripple effects that inspire and uplift those around us, cultivating a more compassionate, collaborative, and connected world.
Introducing somatic sexology and sexological bodywork
This is where Somatic Sexology and Sexological Bodywork come in. These transformative modalities offer a path to reconnect with your body, empower you with the language you need to express yourself confidently, and even heal from past experiences. The practices and experiences a Somatic Sexologist offers are gentle and tailored to your unique journey. You explore at a pace that is empowering for you, always honouring your boundaries and comfort.
Whether you’re seeking to address challenges in your intimate life or simply looking to explore new ways of deepening the love and pleasure you’re already experiencing, this work provides a safe, nonjudgmental, and empowering space to nourish your sexual well-being and, in turn, every area of your life.
Online sessions: An equally beneficial approach
In addition to in-person sessions, online consultations via video call are also available. Clients find online sessions just as effective as meeting in person. An added benefit of online sessions is the comfort and privacy of being in your own space. This enhances your ability to relax and feel at ease, ensuring the session's impact remains equally profound. You receive the same dedicated support, tools, and empowerment while maintaining a safe and supportive environment. For many, the online format allows them to approach these personal topics with greater ease and confidence.
What is somatic sexology?
Somatic Sexology is a form of embodied sex education and therapy that focuses on body-based exercises and experiences designed to help individuals and couples take responsibility for their erotic development. It combines practical exercises with traditional talk therapy to support sexual and emotional healing.
The origins of sexological bodywork
Dr Joseph Kramer developed Sexological Bodywork in the 1980s as a professional, client-centred approach designed to support sexual well-being through breathwork, movement, touch, and embodied awareness. Initially influenced by his work with the Body Electric School, Joseph formalised Sexological Bodywork as a certified practice in 2003, integrating principles from somatic therapy, neuroscience, and Eastern traditions like Tantra and Taoism. Now recognised internationally, it is used to help individuals and couples deepen their connection to pleasure, release shame, and cultivate a more integrated relationship with their sexuality.
The role of a sexological bodyworker
Sexological Bodyworkers are trained in anatomy, physiology, the brain, and the nervous system. We are trauma-informed and trained in various types of touch and in identifying erotic energy, helping people feel it, understand arousal patterns, and connect with their bodies to experience and integrate sensation.
Those who seek out a Sexological Bodyworker are typically individuals or couples experiencing challenges in their sex lives or those with a curiosity to learn and explore. Essentially, anyone, whether single or coupled, who desires to expand, integrate, and embody a higher level of pleasure and orgasmic potential. Ultimately, they seek to enjoy great sex and experience the profound positive impact it has on every area of their life, from relationships and self-esteem to creativity and overall well-being.
A client-directed, empowering process
This work is education-focused and client-directed. We work together to explore your needs and boundaries in a judgment-free space. The focus is on supporting you in your self-discovery and growth, with your comfort and empowerment as top priorities. Consent and boundaries education are practiced throughout the process. We create learning environments where you feel empowered to practice and integrate these skills until they become ingrained in your nervous system.
As your guide, the Sexological Bodyworker’s role is to offer a variety of practices for you to choose from, always based on your specific needs, comfort, and boundaries. The experience is co-created, supporting your growth and allowing you to take small, empowering steps in reconnecting with your body and pleasure.
Through somatic practices, your body naturally reveals what it holds, tension, restriction, or areas of ease and pleasure. In these embodied moments, we uncover what’s needed to establish a new pathway that aligns with greater peace, love, and felt pleasure in your body. This somatic process allows your body to guide you toward the next steps. Clients develop a deeper sense of connection with themselves and their bodies.
What is one-way touch?
During sessions, if it feels helpful for you, one-way touch may be offered as a gentle practice where the practitioner touches the client, but the client does not touch the practitioner. This ensures a clear boundary while allowing the client to focus entirely on their experience. However, your comfort and personal boundaries are prioritised, and there are many other ways to explore and engage with the practices, such as through breath, sound, and movement, which also facilitate learning and growth. Your choice is most important, and the experience will always prioritise your sense of safety and ease.
Unlike traditional counselling or sex therapy, which tends to be more cognitive, this work is experiential and can involve touch when appropriate and welcomed. Clients appreciate that there is no pressure to perform or follow any specific agenda. Instead, you are invited to listen to and honour your body's signals. If hands-on learning doesn’t feel comfortable for you, there are plenty of other ways to explore and deepen your connection, many of which don’t require removing clothing or physical touch.
Somatic Sex Educators adhere to a strict code of ethics, which can be read here.
Addressing scar tissue and sensory disconnection
One aspect of Sexological Bodywork is gentle scar tissue remediation, which can help release tension and bring more sensation and comfort to areas of the body. This practice is done in a way that respects your comfort level. If you've experienced discomfort or numbness, this technique helps you reconnect with your body in a gentle, healing way.
Scars create adhesions that restrict blood circulation throughout the body, leading to a lack of sensation, numbness, tightness, and discomfort. Scars in the genital and anal areas can form for various reasons, including childbirth, rough or painful sex, or insufficient lubrication. Many people are unaware of internal adhesions, and most don't realise that a lack of sensation is not normal.
Cultural barriers to pleasure
Many people are disconnected from a vital, pleasurable part of themselves, often carrying shame due to societal, cultural, or religious conditioning. Others become stuck in patterns that lead to boredom and disconnection. Most people have no idea how much pleasure is available to them.
In our culture, pleasure is often shamed, and moving towards it can feel uncomfortable or awkward. Many people find it easier to tolerate unwanted touch than to openly ask for what they desire. Most are not practiced in expressing their body’s needs and desires. Many have a very narrow perspective of pleasure, and some have no idea what is pleasurable to them.
Common reasons people seek somatic sex education
Here are some of the reasons you might want to see a Somatic Sexologist:
To access more pleasure
Increase intimacy skills
Overcome painful sex
Increase sexual satisfaction
Ejaculation choice
Overcome erectile difficulty
Ability to orgasm
Experiencing vaginal dryness
Lack of sensation
G-spot exploration
Prostate exploration
Learn about and explore the anus
Experiencing low desire
Mismatched libido
Understand sexual anatomy
Body mapping
Taoist erotic massage
Fertility and conception
Anything related to the menstrual cycle
Building better skills around consent and personal boundaries
Feeling more comfortable in your body
Understanding your body or your partner's body
Bringing more variety of touch into your sex life
Learning how to communicate your needs with a partner
Increasing a sense of connection with a partner
Self and other pleasure techniques
Learning how to have more intense or diverse orgasmic experiences
Embodying new sexual skills and techniques
Experiencing arousal in a relaxed state
Learning new pathways to arousal and orgasm
Reintegrating after trauma, major life changes, or childbirth
Learning how to move beyond sexual fantasy
Navigating troublesome turn-ons
STI information and navigation
Virginity, shyness, or inexperience
Developing a healthier use of porn/education
Self-pleasure coaching
Remediating pelvic pain
Scar tissue remediation
Nervous system regulation
These are just a few examples of the areas clients may wish to explore, though the range of topics is virtually limitless. We also address non-sexual concerns, including emotional and relational challenges. Sexual empowerment goes beyond enhancing physical intimacy; it is about transforming your relationship with both your body and yourself. Whether you seek to explore embodiment, deepen intimacy, release shame, or cultivate greater pleasure, the possibilities for growth and transformation are endless.
First step toward transformation: Let's connect
I often wish I had a dollar for every time a client shared that they wish they had learned these skills as a teenager, it would have saved them a lot of time and effort. We receive very minimal education on relationships, intimacy, and sex, yet once we reach adulthood, we are expected to be experts. It is deeply troubling to me that, due to the societal taboo surrounding these topics, many individuals remain in the dark about their sexual well-being. Somatic Sexology bridges this gap in understanding by exploring new pathways for growth and transformation.
When working with clients, our focus is not on dissecting what’s wrong but rather on addressing the gap in understanding and identifying new pathways that align with higher levels of love, intimacy, and connection. It’s truly an honour to witness the transformation of outdated, limiting, and painful behaviours, giving way to liberating and empowering pathways that cultivate curiosity, innocence, love, and deeper understanding.
What I find most fulfilling about my work is that my personal growth and serving others support, liberate, and empower me. In sharing this journey, my mission is to inspire, support, and empower you, and all of humanity, to thrive in love, health, pleasure, intimacy, relationships, and life.
I understand that starting this work may bring up questions or even fear. It’s completely normal to feel unsure at first. Rest assured that you will be supported with compassion, respect, and a deep commitment to your well-being. You will never be asked to do anything that doesn’t feel right for you.
If something in this message resonates with you and you’re curious about how Somatic Sexology can support you, I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. This no-pressure conversation provides an opportunity for us to explore your unique needs and discuss how Somatic Sexology and Sexological Bodywork can support you in reconnecting with your body, reclaiming your sexual empowerment, and cultivating a profoundly fulfilling life.
Kate Alderman, Somatic Sexologist
Kate Alderman is a Somatic Sexologist, Intimacy & Relationships Coach, Psychedelic Integration Coach, EFT Practitioner, and the founder of: You’re A Strong Woman Foundation - Domestic Violence Prevention and Recovery. With over a decade of experience in plant medicine and extensive expertise in sexual empowerment, Kate supports individuals and couples in reclaiming their power, healing, and thriving through embodied practices and transformative coaching. She offers a safe, judgment-free, compassionate space for deep healing and integration, using somatic therapy, EFT, and a trauma-informed, body-based approach. As a survivor of intimate partner violence, Kate is committed to supporting others on their recovery journey and raising awareness about domestic violence. She excels at bridging the gap between science and spirituality, delivering her wisdom in a practical context that inspires, motivates, and offers new perspectives.
