Understanding Bonding and Donor Conception and Navigating Parent-Child Connections Beyond Genetics
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 29
- 4 min read
Danijela is an award-winning therapist, educator, public speaker, and contributor to revolutionising mental health and fertility therapy, and creator of an innovative approach to helping women overcome mental barriers to conception and pregnancy. She has developed a course that upskill professionals to achieve great results with pregnancy issues.
The development of a single fertilised egg into a fully formed individual represents a complex and breathtakingly elegant phenomenon. The number of families being created through fertility treatment with donor eggs is increasing worldwide every year. Women who conceive in this way do not share a genetic relationship with their child but rather share a gestational relationship. However, there is a limited understanding of how mothers experience the mother–child relationship during its formative period, namely infancy.
Many people worry about pursuing donor conception to build their families. One of the most common concerns I hear is: Will I bond with my child, and will my child bond with me? It’s perfectly natural to feel this way, especially when societal norms unwittingly reinforce the idea that genetics are central to parenthood. However, it's important to remember that while genetics play a role in the biological makeup of a child, they certainly do not define the depth of love, connection, and family bonds.
In this article, we will explore:
How pregnancy influences a baby’s traits beyond genetics.
How bonding occurs in both genetic and non-genetic parent-child relationships.
How the maternal-foetal relationship and paternal-foetal relationship start developing in the womb.
Why your role in your child’s development is more important than DNA alone.
The connection between a mother and baby goes far beyond genetics. Let’s dive into how your pregnancy shapes your child in ways you may not have expected.
Why prenatal bonding matters
A new study from Thomas Jefferson University (USA) finds that mothers who feel emotionally connected to their babies in the womb are more likely to develop healthy, secure relationships with their children later. The research highlights the importance of prenatal bonding as a measurable and meaningful predictor of future parent-child dynamics. This research also shows how a mother’s relationship with her own parents affects not only her parenting style but even her ability to emotionally connect to her baby before birth. The research shows that a mother’s own childhood relationships strongly shape this early connection. Strong emotional connections during pregnancy predict better mother-child relationships. The suggestion is that interventions should begin during pregnancy, not after childbirth, a significant departure from conventional models of parenting support.
Bonding starts from the moment of conception
From the moment of conception, we possess the capacity to be wounded. It is called vulnerability, from the Latin word vulnerare. The moment when parents discover they are expecting a baby is the crucial moment when the maternal-foetal relationship and paternal-foetal relationship start developing. Parenting starts from the moment of conception. Bonding occurs in both genetic and non-genetic parent-child relationships. This prenate’s inner child feels if they are welcomed into the world, if they are wanted or rejected, or if there were attempts or plans to end that life with abortion. Our inner child is a part of ourselves, present from the moment of conception.
Why should parents heal their prenatal traumas?
Your prenatal inner child could be carrying the discovery trauma. This is why our prenatal inner child needs to heal their wound from the womb. Discovery trauma happens at the moment when parents discover they are expecting a baby and reject it. Why is this important? This is important because difficult childhood experiences affect prenatal bonding with your baby. Women who did not have a good relationship with their own parents, especially their mothers, were more likely to show weaker emotional bonds during pregnancy and more negative emotions, such as anger or detachment toward their toddlers.
Your inner child remembers life in the womb; the little one remembers if they had one or more twins, and the loss of a twin also affects them, causing feelings of grief, loss, emptiness, and the sense that something is missing in life. During pregnancy, there is parallel subconscious programming between the mother and the baby. I have had enormous success in helping many clients heal their prenatal traumas.
What is prenatal awareness?
The baby is vulnerable in a number of ways that are generally unrecognised and unarticulated. Most people think or assume that prenates are unaware. Theory and research from the last 20 years indicate that prenatal experiences can be remembered and have a lifelong impact. This is called prenatal awareness. Talk to your baby, tell them how much you love them and how much you want them. Sing to your baby; tell them about their loving family. Your baby also knows what to do and is developing and growing on target perfectly.
Love as the strongest bond
At the heart of every family is love. Your unconditional love, support, and commitment are what truly define your relationship with your child, not genetics. In the beautiful journey of parenthood, egg donation is simply one step, and the connection you build with your child will be as profound and unbreakable as any other family bond. Emotional investment during pregnancy isn’t just good for the heart, it’s good for the baby's vulnerable, developing mind. Prenatal bonding, emotional sensitivity, and emotional availability lay the foundation for secure attachment, which in turn supports cognitive and social development throughout early childhood and beyond.
If you have questions about your parenting journey, Mind Freedom Therapy is here to guide you down that path. Reach out today to take the first step.
Read more from Danijela Mrdak
Danijela Mrdak, Therapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Trauma And Fertility Therapist
Danijela Mrdak is an award-winning therapist, clinical hypnotherapist, and trauma and fertility therapist practicing the Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) method. She also holds a Masters in Law. She specialises in female fertility issues, including conception, IVF, pregnancy, and pre/post-natal issues.
She has had enormous success in helping women all over the world to conceive. Danijela has received awards and recognition for her extraordinary contributions to mental health and fertility therapy and for her innovative approach to helping women overcome mental barriers to pregnancy. She developed a comprehensive course specifically aimed at therapists, coaches, and hypnotherapists to support them in assisting women and conception.
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