Understanding and Managing the Pieces of the Anxiety Puzzle
- Brainz Magazine
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
Beth Jackson is an experienced psychotherapist and coach, working with clients across the UK and beyond. In counselling, she specialises in anxiety and self-esteem support and also works with many couples as well as those working through grief and trauma.
One of the most common reasons clients book to see me is linked to anxiety. Even if this is not their primary reason for getting in contact, it is often lurking somewhere in the background. That can often be a good place to start, as we all have times where anxiety is present.
Our body response
There can be positives in feeling anxious. It can be what keeps us alert when we cross a road. Anxiety can fire us up when we need to meet demands or complete an exam, however unpleasant that might feel. The body senses danger, and the sympathetic part of our nervous system kicks in. Our body is ready for the danger; anxiety is a response to protect us. This is why we feel it in our whole body. Our heart rate increases, and we are ready for flight or fight. Blood is moved from the extremities to our larger organs and muscles, which is why we may turn pale, feel cold, or find our toes and fingers tingle. Our breathing changes. We may feel a tightness in the chest or feel breathless. A decrease of blood to the head may also make us feel light-headed or confused (subconsciously, the mind and body are looking for the danger). We may sweat or feel muscle tension, etc. This is all in preparation for the threat. Really, if we think about it, it is incredible that our body does so much automatically to try and protect us. Unfortunately, once our nervous system realises that there is no threat, it can take a while for our body to return to normal. We may not even understand why we feel tired or still on edge after all of this.
What doesn’t really work
This is all very well, but if anxiety is then hampering our life or growing out of control, what can we do? The obvious and most common techniques people use are to avoid and/or distract. There are times when we might need to distract—if we have to deliver a presentation or attend something where there is something or someone we would rather not see. However, using distraction as a regular technique just to lessen the anxiety, and this includes scrolling on a phone, actually just means anxiety slowly grows in the background. The same can be said for avoiding. If certain situations cause anxiety and we simply avoid those, they will continue to grow more and more threatening in the back of our mind.
Anxiety is in the unpredictability
Life is unpredictable, and this is where anxiety can grow. Some people may have a genetic vulnerability to being more anxious, or they may have lived with and witnessed a parent who was anxious and picked up those behavioural traits.
We tend to be thinking in the “what ifs,” and here our thoughts may spiral as we begin to catastrophise. Perhaps you focus on or exaggerate the negatives. You might find that you overgeneralise and use absolutes (“I always say the wrong thing,” “She never listens to what I say”). Often, we begin to only see black and white and lose our ability to solve and think rationally and logically, and all of this continues to spiral…
Be curious
Wait until the anxiety has passed, then begin to curiously examine the triggers. Things that trigger anxiety are: experiences or memories, sensations—if our chest begins to feel tight it may bring on anxiety, feelings—this may link to a previous difficult time where we felt that emotion, and lastly, our thoughts. Usually, when I discuss triggers with clients, they realise their anxiety is triggered by thoughts. Sit down and consider the triggers, and really try to work out what is sparking the anxious feelings and thoughts.
Thoughts are often not true
“Thoughts are often not true!” This tends to be something I often say to clients in all different situations. We tend to place some magical truth on anything that enters our mind, as if our thoughts must be somehow true. However, although our thoughts are real, they are often not true.
This can be the same for feelings, where our thoughts feed into our feelings, and before we know it, we have totally spiralled. Negative and unhelpful thoughts can make us feel stuck and disempowered.
The important thing here is to break down the thoughts and feelings. Analyse them. Be specific with what they are as you break them down carefully. What is the truth? When we can begin to see the accurate thoughts within the muddle, we can start to replace the ones that aren’t true.
For example, a friend is quite short on a phone call or when you see them. This triggers anxiety within you, and you begin to catastrophise, thinking they don’t like you or you’ve annoyed them. This may continue to spiral, with you wondering if they like you anymore or if they want to continue being friends. When you begin to pause and question, “What is the truth here?” your logical brain can begin to curiously unpick what is more likely to be true. Perhaps they are having a bad time? Perhaps they are feeling poorly or stressed?
By trying to find the truth, you are able to self-soothe and look more logically at the situation.
When you can recognise the inaccurate, negative thoughts, then you can swipe them away. This may need to be repeated over and over, but eventually, these thoughts will reduce.
Find the way through
As mentioned before, our automatic response can be to “avoid” or “distract.” However, trying to relax, breathe, or float through the anxiety can be a much more successful strategy. This can seem much harder and takes some practice, but recognising that anxiety will pass and that we are not actually in danger is a way of self-soothing our body and mind.
Grounding techniques can be helpful as we calm our mind and body. Telling yourself that you are not in danger, that you are safe, and using a mantra that helps you can make a difference. Perhaps holding a small pebble, or anything that fits in your hand, can be a link to the here and now, which can help us feel grounded. Controlling breathing—breathe in for the count of 4, hold your breath for 2, then breathe out for 6—can relax the body. Pinching the thumb and forefinger together can also be a quick and easy way to calm. If anxiety is in the “what ifs,” then bring your body back to “what is.” What is the truth of now? “I am sat still. I am safe,” etc.
Some people fight the anxiety; they jump in and force their way through whatever is causing the fear. For many, though, steps to success is a more comfortable and less threatening way through. If you can rate the anxiety you are feeling between 0 and 10, working within a 5 to 6 range is manageable. Safe and repetitive steps, where you continue to self-soothe, ground, and analyse the thoughts, feelings, and triggers, can help to reduce anxiety. Recognise what works for you and what doesn’t. Keep in mind the goal: to reduce the anxiety and find manageable steps through it.
You may find anxiety is always there—again, it’s in the unpredictability of life—but there are so many ways through where it doesn’t sabotage your life.
Lastly, recognise each success. Give yourself a “well done.” Each step is a victory and weakens the power of anxiety in your life.
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Read more from Beth Jackson
Beth Jackson, Psychotherapist/Counsellor and Coach
Beth Jackson works as a psychotherapist and coach in her private practice in the UK and online across the world. She focuses on the aims of the client, working sensitively and supportively to help change happen quickly. Her intention is for clients to recognise their own capabilities and help them empower themselves to live the life they want.
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