Written by: Shawn Singleton II, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you heard the expression Rome wasn’t built in a day? If you haven’t, it stems from the historical knowledge that Rome was a dynasty for about 500 years. That’s 500 years of absolute power and undeniable control of an entire region. An empire built in one day would not last that long.
A foundation-built Brick-by-Brick will not happen in one day, and the positive changes that will come to your life will not show right away. This process is going to hurt; a lot of you will want to give up. Things will change, you will walk away from other people, feel alone at times, and be uncomfortable, but you will realize that your life will become more peaceful. You will experience a whole new meaning and value. Although, there may be some of you who may embrace it because you’ve had enough of the life you once had before, or even now, and you don’t plan on going back.
If you’re wondering why I’m back on the subject of patience in this process, it’s because I understand how the world around us presents information to all of us. As consumers, they want us to buy now, get now, and react now- couple that with a lack of self-awareness that we all have in certain areas of our life, and you have the perfect combination for the beginning of a bottomless “hole.” It’s the presentation of information and lack of self-awareness that create the problems, not the life you live. I’m saying this because your life is not over until the appointed day, not anytime soon. Meaning you still have time!
There is no need to rush yourself to gain back all the time you have wasted digging. The goal is never to have to dig again. To do that, you have to keep going over these places in your mind and reacting and understanding what happens to you as life continues to go on. You’ll never catch the life you could have had if you made better decisions, but you can change the life you will continue to have by dealing with the areas in your life that problems could potentially come from or have come from in the past.
The Husband will never forget that Thursday evening. He had put away all his shovels, and he was ready to start building his foundation. This time he had accepted that he might not ever get his wife back. That he would be a co-parent for the rest of his life, and he was ready to take the results of actions. He was prepared to use this moment to remind him what he should never do again as a husband and leader in his family. He was ready to lay his first Brick and rebuild his life back into who he was created to be. He realized what was necessary. He knew that he was not giving her the best that she deserved. He wasn’t honoring his commitment to his marriage long after the mood in which he said “I do” had left. He understood that Rome was not built in a day, and the rebuilding of his life would not be fixed in one day, but he was ready to have the opportunity to try again. His phone rang, his wife was on the other line-
“Hello?”
“Hey, can you come to help me load up my car?”
“Sure. Everything okay?”
“Yes… I want to come home.”
His mind went blank. Doubt, fear, and rejection suddenly tried to arise into his mind. However, this time, he was prepared to deal with it and knew exactly how he needed to get past it. By learning how to get better, day-by-day. He understood his wife wasn’t expecting him to be PERFECT; she just wanted him to be PRESENT.
If you want your life to change, if you want your mind to reshape, you can begin to live by making the first step of every day to be present and show up ready to do better today than you did yesterday. You are not trying to rush your goals, dreams, or desires. Merely waking up saying, “I still have time in my life. I want to reshape my mind. How can I lay another brick today?”
You will have bad days. There will be days where you feel like you’re digging again, but don’t be deceived. It just means you’re starting to recognize the actions you took that led to the hole you were in once before. That’s a good thing. Your life will continue to present different scenarios to you which may pull on old strings you once had or set off triggers you’ve yet to diffuse. That’s okay! Do a “spot-check” on that portion of the foundation you’re trying to lay and try not to move onto another as it will distract you from being able to set those bricks properly.
Everyone has experienced and will experience different things in their lives, leading to self-awareness in various capacities. One person’s hole may have started with a deeper hole than the other. One person could have had more childhood trauma; one may have had more adult trauma. The point is, it doesn’t matter where you came from or what you have experienced. If you apply the concept of Brick-by-Brick to your life, you will begin to experience life-changing results that will lead to an immovable foundation that no one or anything can knock down or take away from you.
Just because someone else’s foundation meant they would get the opportunity to start a very successful business doesn’t mean that you HAVE to or even will be successful when you try it yourself. Just because their foundation begins with them being married younger doesn’t mean you’re a failure for getting married later. Focus on what you need to do for yourself right now. I’m not saying dwell on the years you lost or the situations that may provoke the trauma. I’m saying to focus on each Brick one step at a time. Don’t worry about how it’s going for the next person until you have reached a point where you’re stable enough in that area to help them lay their bricks as well; not do it for them, and without risking damage to wounds you’ve worked so hard to heal.
If you look out into a city, you will notice that the skyline from the highest building in that city will look different in all four directions. Each of those buildings’ required various depth, size, and foundational supports, but they’re a structure that will not move.
Be sure that you’re laying the bricks in your life in the place where you genuinely want them to stay. The goal of Brick-by-Brick is to put down our shovels and not dig any more holes. You are trying to build an empire like Rome in your minds that will last for the length of your lives, hopefully bringing change to your next 500 years, not allowing anything to be your detonator.
Not even a week passed, and The Husband started to feel the same pressure he felt before. He couldn’t trust himself to do the right thing. He lost her before because he wasn’t meeting the needs of his family and he was still struggling with trying to appear “perfect” in the eyes of his wife. One night he broke down in tears. He had never shown this vulnerability in front of her before. He thought he couldn’t trust her to be there for him, he thought she would see him as weak and unable to make the right decisions. His wife, shocked by this level of vulnerability, opened her arms and comforted him. She said to him, “You don’t have to be perfect. Being vulnerable with me like this shows me that you’re trying to be better and you’re allowing me to show that I can be trusted.”
If you’re going to build an empire, you have to be vulnerable with the people who will reign with you. It doesn’t mean becoming an open book to everybody; it just means that whoever you plan on building with should be someone who will open up to you about their weaknesses, just as you are with them. Creating strength from that weakness, which won’t create instability in your foundation later.
Want to read more? Purchase your copy of Brick by Brick: Reshape Your Thinking today!
Shawn Singleton II, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shawn Singleton, II is the author of "Brick by Brick: Reshape Your Thinking" and 2021 CREA Global Award recipient who primarily focuses on advising youth and young adults to effectively manage their influence in their personal and professional leadership roles. As a Husband, Community Leader, Engineer, and Certified Cognitive Behavioral, Life, and Business Coach, Shawn knows what it takes to become an effective leader in personal and professional leadership roles. Shawn created the "Yes, I A.M." leadership method from several personal and professional experiences, from being raised without a father in a single-parent household to head coach and community leader to organizational leadership and management. Shawn has experienced and overcame almost every obstacle young men face today regarding development and understanding of creating a foundation to become the leader they desire to become!
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