Written by: Martina Krulakova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Exceptional leader & lady-boss
I was recently reading about Sarah Blake – how she rewarded her employees – with the 1st class ticket to travel and gifting them with the budget of 10k to enjoy their holiday, it brought tears into my eyes.
It reminded me of my deepest desire. I have been dreaming for years while taking steps toward it and making it a reality. It was an amazing feeling to get proof that my dream is possible and although I am not entirely clear on how to reach my dreams on such a big scale, it’s always inspiring to see that it is possible.
The coffee machine
But this “story” brought tears into my eyes because I tried to remember when was the last time someone else surprised ME with the gift I wanted?
When was the last time you received exactly what you wanted as a gift from someone else?
The harsh reality hit me – it was the gift on my 36th birthday from my boyfriend that time. He surprised me with the real proper coffee machine. The one I have been dreaming about for years. I couldn’t believe my wish just came true. It felt amazing to feel heard, seen and understood without even asking for it.
It also got me thinking – why the heck didn't it happen sooner? Why didn’t I get gifts earlier when I had so many birthdays, name days, Christmas… you name it…
Why didn’t I get the present I wanted earlier?
Barbie dream of 6-year-old
As I was digging deeper and deeper, I returned back to the times of a 6-year old girl and remembered the doll – Barbie. Do you remember those Mattel times in the late ’80s, when the real Barbie came out? Of course, it was a big deal for any girl and I wanted one as well.
Well, my parents couldn’t afford it but they found a way around it. They all went (the big family shopping trip with my uncles and aunts) and we all got the cheaper version of Barbie.
Of course, my parents did as best as they could and it now makes me smile how creative they were and willing to surprise us – all girls in our families - myself, my sister and all my cousins got one. But it wasn’t the real Barbie. The ONE I wanted.
As a 6-year old girl, living in my little world, all I could think of was that I can’t have what I want. I will never get what I ask for. I don’t deserve it, we can’t afford it.
So since then, I stopped asking. I made the decision that if I really want something, I will get it for myself. So, I have learned to work hard to deserve anything. I remember my shopping visits to each shop and asking my Mum whether I could keep the small change to save for something later.
Radio Christmas opportunity
With years passing by, I trained myself to get less and less and avoid any disappointment. I remember another Christmas present as a teenager. My father was traveling to work in another country back then and he always surprised us with some gifts. Yes, I was receiving lots of them, but actually, never asked exactly for what I wanted.
Except for one special wish when I wanted the radio. While in my mind I had the idea of the modern cassette record player, I got the classic radio instead. Luckily, I was ready for this surprise because I dug out all the presents I could find in advance before Xmas.
Not only because I was curious, but also to prepare myself for disappointment – as I was expecting, it wasn’t the cassette radio – the one I wanted but because I knew how hard my Dad was working, by the time it was Xmas, I was honestly grateful for the one I got. Better to have any radio than none.
Again, with my assumptions and the meaning I made years ago – my mind just proved to me what I was searching for – the meaning I made earlier in my life. I never get what I want unless I work hard for it. So, with years passing by, I stopped even asking for anything. I didn’t feel worthy to get anything unless I earned it.
Children do what they see
When I noticed myself replying: I don’t need anything, I could hear the mirror of my Mum inside of me. I had it right in front of my eyes. She hardly bought anything new for herself, she was always the last one (if anything left) and she saved the rest very often ignoring her own needs to provide for the rest of us.
The worst part? I didn’t really appreciate gifts that were well-meant and gifted from the heart. I felt so much shame and guilt mixed with anger and frustration. The inner critic was louder than any well-meaning gesture.
Assuming is not asking
Luckily, with upcoming years and thanks to my transformational journey, with taking responsibility for my life and clearing the past, I have learned to view things differently. I have got new insights and so much appreciated wisdom to see blessings in anything that has ever happened to me.
But here is my point: Assuming is not asking. I guess, it’s pretty clear from my story. Nobody can ever read the mind of others unless it is clearly communicated.
Sadly, I am meeting women from all around the world who are missing clarity in themselves. Women who don’t dare to ask or even think about their deepest desires. And so, they choose to live the life of resentment, frustration and regrets.
As Mel Robbins says in her latest book The High 5 Habit: "Your dreams will haunt you if you don’t go after them."
Happy ending of the story
My story has a happy ending because without all those lessons I wouldn’t have become who I am today. The person who loves to work hard and who is not afraid to get what she wants.
But here is another point of this story: Get clear on what you really want. Clarity is superpower and assuming that others know it "automatically" is just a fantasy.
I know, expressing yourself clearly is scary. Especially for us – women. We are wired to please others and we hate to hurt anyone. We know how rejection hurts, how painful it can feel but honestly, you are not doing any favour to anyone by rejecting yourself.
That’s why I am so passionate to work on my mission and educate others, especially women, how to empower themselves and start living the extraordinary life everyone is meant to live.
By becoming the leader of your life, the whole world around you will change too. It all starts with you!
Martina Krulakova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine MartinaK is a Clarity Alignment Coach helping you become an inspiring leader and master of life you love. Her constant search for happiness and money left her broke, miserable and lonely in a foreign country. That was when she realized that real transformation starts within, so she mastered the formula to fulfillment. Her search has turned into a mission. Today she is helping other women find their unique path and fulfilling careers they love and get handsomely paid for it by working with individuals, small groups, and running powerful workshops. She teaches the importance of self-awareness, mastering yourself and your inner world as the core solution to most problems. Because it all starts with YOU!
