Transforming Twin Care With Unique Insight And Compassion – Interview With Smadar Zmirin

Smadar started her twin journey when she got her first job as a twin nanny. Quickly realising the impact adults have on twins’ well-being and emotional development, Smadar felt drawn to advocating for and supporting each child’s unique identity and independence. She established Twinful Life to support twin families raising emotionally healthy twins, and became a twin-oriented early childhood educator.

Smadar Zmirin, Twin Specalist

Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better.

My name is Smadar Zmirin, I was born and raised in Isarel, and migrated on my own to New Zealand in 2013. I love working with babies and children and have done so for the past 20 years. In the last 15 years, I’ve been focusing on working exclusively with twin babies and toddlers.

When I don’t work with twins I love reading, baking, watching movies, travelling and dance Latin dances with my partner.

How did you start working with twins, and how did it become a career?

When I started my first twin nanny job 15 years ago, I was dreading the prospect of caring for two tiny humans at the same time. Yet, I embraced the challenge.

The parents asked me to see the twins as two individual babies. They asked me to not compare them, avoid talking about them as “the twins”, and avoid addressing them in plural sentences as much as possible. This was a game-changer for me.

After realising I’m pretty good at caring for two babies and the multitasking of the job, the depth of early childhood development and its psychological impacts have drawn me deeper.

I started thinking of my words, my actions, my attitudes, my prejudice, and a deep process of self-reflection started.

As the youngest of 5, I was constantly compared to my siblings. That’s very normal in any family with more than one child. Yet something about feeling I can't measure up, or that I’m utterly different, has always made me evaluate my successes and failures against theirs’. It has undermined my confidence in myself in several domains of my life.

I’m aware most people experience this to some extent with their siblings.

In that first job I became aware of the impacts the comparisons I was exposed to as a singleton (anyone who isn’t a twin or part of multiples) were having on my developing self-esteem, my confidence and my perception of myself.

I was struck by how twins live in a constant reality of comparisons by family and society, conscious and unconscious. I was wondering where it is coming from, why, and what can I do to make a difference? If I don’t like being compared to others, and I know hardly anyone does, I could only imagine the experience twins are having.

I felt compelled to help as many twins as I could to have a different and better experience. My twin mission was then focused on caring for the children (because I truly love early childhood education), as well helping raise parents' awareness of how to improve their children’s well-being and development.

What inspired you to start Twinful Life?

After working with the first pair of twin babies, something has drastically changed in me. I loved the job, but more so I appreciated the role I had in supporting these precious beings’ development. It was a sobering moment to learn just how much influence words and actions can have on the shaping of a little human being’s sense of self.

Over the years, as I continued working with more and more sets of twins, I have refined my practice. Then, after further studying and twin work, I was delighted to discover how my developing twin- philosophy was actually benefiting the parents in ways I couldn’t foresee.

By working on individuating their children and focusing on giving each child what they need rather than the same, a lot of pressure subsided.

When the stress of maintaining everything fair and equal is gone something changes for twin parents, there’s a shift in perspective. Once parents see their twins as two separate people, the twins do the same.

It’s not so obvious in the day to day, yet you can really see the impact once they hit toddlerhood: Are they feeling confident being apart from their twin? Do they pursue their interests or compromise their desires for the sake of their twin? Do they compare themselves to each other? Do they fight? If so, why?

All these can reflect the level of interconnectedness and co-dependency twins have with each other. And once you lay the foundations from the beginning and nurture them consistently, you can reap the rewards, and so can they!

Then a lot of the twin rivalry subsides, as well competition against each other and for parents' attention. When parents are less stressed and twins are happier, peace and joy can emerge.

It was sometime in 2020 that I felt I’m coming to the end of my twin nanny career. I felt I had a lot to offer, and I wanted to be able to help more than one family at a time.

By that stage I was studying for my diploma in early childhood education, and started to pave the path towards establishing a business to offer services for twin families.

How is Twinful Life different from other twin businesses? What is unique about what you offer?

Well, to be honest, there is nothing like it anywhere else.

I believe every parent is an expert on their own children. Yet, unlike other twin businesses which were established by twin parents or adult twins, I have years of experience raising several sets of twins.

I have the advantage of working with different twins, at different ages, with different personalities etc. Therefore, I got to experience the benefits and ramifications of different parenting strategies. Moreover, I learned why certain things work, why they don’t, and I had the opportunity to study alongside my work to enrich my childcare philosophy and see its benefits in front of my eyes.

My twin-oriented early childhood education focuses on helping parents see and celebrate their twins’ differences. To encourage them to foster their independence and confidence as two distinct people, while still holding space for their twinship connection.

My practice is greatly inspired by the RIE (Resources for Infants Educarers) philosophy. I believe it immensely supports twin parents’ interactions with and perceptions of their children.

The RIE philosophy invites parents to take an observer role, to let children develop in their own unique way and pace. It asks us adults to sit and let them lead their play, solve their issues and develop competence in their abilities and skills.

When it comes to raising twins, this philosophy has far-reaching benefits. I encourage twin parents to do less, so their twins can do more. To sit by their side while they play rather than constantly entertain them. This helps babies extend their attention span, learn to persevere in difficult times, and gain confidence being on their own without constant attention. For twin parents, this can be truly liberating.

It also enables twin parents to see each child as a whole, rather than half of a set. The philosophy advocates for seeing what the child is doing instead of what they aren't doing yet, which can be very challenging for twin parents when they see one baby learning a new skill while the other isn’t. Here the emphasis is on recognising each child is developing according to their own pace, and sooner isn’t necessarily better. They each have their own rhythm and way of doing things.

At Twinful Life I strive to help parents recognise the impact certain attitudes may have on their children’s well-being and self-esteem, and employ effective and supportive strategies to help the children navigate the challenges of growing up as twins.

And I always aim to support the parents’ well-being in the process. I want to imbue them with confidence and competence to tackle twin-issues, and equip them with tools to manage the logistic and emotional challenges raising twins pose.

My practice is informed by hands-on experience, training, and studies. As well as the work of leading twin experts with adult twins struggling with twin issues.

So I can help parents understand why I do things the way I do, and how this can help their twins grow into confident and independent children.

What types of services do you provide and how they benefit twin parents? Are there any particular testimonials you’d like to share?

I offer 4 main services:

Prenatal support: In these sessions I help parents identify their biggest concerns and stressors, and manage expectations so the transition into twin parenthood isn't so daunting.

When parents know what triggers and worries them, we can work together to put a plan in place to help address these challenges shall they arise.

The sessions also include discussions about newborn’s sleep and effective tandem settling techniques. Helping parents understand newborn’s sleep needs and patterns can significantly reduce the crying and improve settling efforts. All which reduce parents’ stress and anxiety.

This service is offered in person for families residing in Auckland, NZ and online for families around the world.

Postpartum support: This is the only service that I offer exclusively at home. As a trained doula and a twin specialist, I come to twin parents’ home twice a week for a set period. The primary goal of my postpartum support service is to support mother’s well-being and mental health. I want to help them relax and increase their oxytocin production so they can find peace and joy in their postpartum period and bond with their babies.

I help mothers identify oxytocin-boosting strategies so we can make time for these during my visits. These can include eating delicious foods, listening to music, taking a bath, meditating, doing hand massage and infant massage.

I offer hands-on support with settling and feeding, as well light housework to help the parents maintain a sense of tranquillity.

I hold space for mothers to share their feelings, concerns, stressors and thoughts, and help them process birth trauma and any mothering challenges.

I talk with them about newborns’ sleep needs and patterns, and help them settle them to sleep. We also work on tandem settling methods for the parents to employ on their own.

“Smadar supported us, guided us, and provided us with great tools to continue on our journey as parents of twin infants. She was always open to listen and offering age-appropriate suggestions about how to deal with our eldest daughter’s adjustment to becoming an older sibling of twin babies. Smadar is very trustworthy and we had the utmost confidence in her abilities and knowledge related to caring for our three children. She always brings calm, understanding, supportive energy to work and the genuine love she showed our children, as well as our dog, was amazing and very much welcomed. We are very happy to have had her work with us and feel she contributed a great deal to our family. She has a wealth of knowledge about twins as well as general early childhood care and she always implemented this into her practice and is happy to share this whenever asked”. – Sabrina

Twin-focused sleep consultation: After having to settle so many sets of twins to sleep on my own, I gained deep insights into the art of tandem settling. To that I add professional training as a baby and toddler sleep consultant, which caters to newborns till 4-year-olds.

I offer at-home and online sleep consultation for twin families all around the world.

I also hold online sleep seminars for 3 main age groups: newborns, 6-12m and 12m+, and these too are for twin families anywhere the world.

“I slept 4 hours a day because my 1yo twins had problems going to sleep, and they started the day at 4 am now , and thanks to Smadar, they sleep from 6.30 pm to 6.30 am. It looks like a miracle, but it's real! Thank you so much! You change my life, you made it better for all of us!” – Teresa

“We started working with Smadar when our twin boys were 8 weeks old. We are first time parents and we were very overwhelmed when I reached out for help. Smadar gave us clear, easy to follow instructions and advice that helped us to understand all of the aspects that impact sleep, with regular follow up and further suggestions based on my feedback. We saw great results from following Smadar’s advice and by 12 weeks we were getting good stretches of night sleep and a very predictable routine was forming. I appreciated her caring and patient approach and would happily recommend Smadar to other parents”. – Shayla

Parental guidance: As a twin-oriented early childhood educator, I offer twin parents support in tackling twin behaviour issues. All toddlers rebel against authority sooner or later, it’s really their job as little humans developing autonomy and independence. Yet twins have other challenges stemming from their twinship reality.

In my parental guidance sessions, we address topics such as fighting, rivalry, jealousy, co-dependency, guilt and shame, social isolation and more. These issues can often arise when twins haven't developed a strong enough sense of identity as individuals outside their twinship. I work with parents on supporting each twin’s confidence and competence to thrive outside their twinship, have a healthy relationship with their twin, and also maintain healthy boundaries in general, to help the whole family find peace and joy.

Just like the prenatal support and sleep consultation, this service can be provided at home and online.

I also hold online twin-toddler behaviour seminars.

And lastly, what is your vision for Twinful Life?

For twin families to know they’ve got support. So expecting twin parents and parents who already have their twins feel less stressed out, knowing there are lots of resources at their disposal. Whether it’s reading information, attending seminars or hiring a service, if they know they’ve got support they might feel less overwhelmed.

And of course, I really want to reshape the social discourse around twins. I believe that if people know the impact their words and actions have on twins’ lives, they will try to be more mindful about it.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!

Read more from Smadar Zmirin