Adriana Barbara is a Mind specialized Coach that is focused on helping CEO's and high-level entrepreneurs to develop their leadership teams by assisting each member to transform their mindset from the root.
Have you ever thought about how comparing yourself to others can affect your life? Even though we know that constant comparison can be harmful, we continue to do it. However, there is a psychological background that drives us to seek references from others, and that, if well managed, can even be positive.
In 1954, Psychologist Leon Festinger introduced his Social Comparison Theory, explaining that we compare ourselves to understand our own value and position in the world. He mentions that this helps us orient our behavior and decisions by observing and learning from those who seem to have success or acceptance in society. It allows us to adopt proven similar behaviors and feel that we belong or are aligned with our community.
The question is: Why do we sometimes feel bad when we compare ourselves to others?
Comparing ourselves to someone else involves self-observation and self-evaluation, leading us to review ourselves against another option and observe the differences. When viewed objectively, comparison helps us identify deviations and define actions to eliminate those differences.
Whether this process becomes harmful or positive for us largely depends on the connotation we give to the comparison, the emotional context that accompanies it, as well as the actions that are triggered as a result.
Here’s an example:
Ana works as an executive assistant; she studied administration but didn’t finish her degree. She desires to grow and advance. She observes one of her colleagues, Juan, and sees he has a better and more interesting position. She investigates and notices his professional background: he completed his degree, speaks a second language, and is studying for his master's.
This self-observation and her detailed observation of her colleague indicate a comparison process has already started. Her mind automatically identifies the differences between her professional preparation and Juan's. Up to this point, it is an objective process. However, it is right here that this exercise could take very different paths and affect Ana in various ways.
Let’s see how:
Scenario 1: When comparing herself to Juan, Ana feels inferior and ashamed. They are almost the same age, and she is not at the same level. Her self-esteem is negatively affected; she becomes insecure and constantly self-critical. Her emotions become increasingly negative, overwhelmed by insecurity, envy, and anger towards her parents for not being able to pay for her studies. In the end, she decides to leave her current job and go somewhere where she doesn't feel lesser.
Scenario 2: Observing Juan, Ana feels inspired and challenged. She gets closer to him and admires his dedication, drive, and discipline. She invites him to lunch to ask how he has achieved so much in such a short time. Juan happily shares his experience with her and offers advice and support. Her emotions are courage, confidence, and hope. Ana requests financial support from the company and resumes her studies to complete her degree and learn English.
As we can see, the same objective comparison can trigger completely different outcomes. What marked this difference was the perspective and interpretation of the situation according to her self-image.
In Scenario 1, Ana has a poor self-image, feels like a victim, incapable, and insecure. In contrast, in Scenario 2, Ana has a strong self-image; even though past circumstances and actions have not been favorable, she feels capable of achieving better results.
From this, we can observe that comparing ourselves with others can be useful for getting examples and reference points to improve and grow, but it is up to us to give it this meaning.
How can we achieve this?
Here are some important points to transform comparison
1. Know and define yourself objectively
Engage in honest and objective introspection about who you are and identify your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Have a clear vision of how you want to be
Not everything good applies to you; define the path you want to follow and who you want to become so that you only compare yourself with people on that same line.
3. Be mindful of your emotions when comparing yourself
Identify the emotions that arise when comparing yourself to someone better than you, ensuring that you set aside shame, guilt, belittlement, judgment, or envy, replacing them with admiration, challenge, enthusiasm, courage, hope, inspiration, and self-confidence.
4. Take action
Once you’ve identified the points that inspired you from someone else, take effective actions while being patient with yourself.
5. Be realistic and celebrate your achievements
We cannot be the same as someone else, but we can be better than our past selves. As you start acting toward your improvement, evaluate your progress and celebrate your achievements. If you aim to improve daily, you will gradually become a better version of yourself.
Remember that comparison doesn’t have to be a competition but an opportunity to learn and grow. If you focus on how each comparison can inspire you to improve and chart your own path to success, you can transform it into a powerful tool that enriches your personal development.
In my Neuroscience Coaching process, I help my clients deeply understand themselves, create the image of who they want to be, and find positive inspiration to transform themselves from the ground up.
If you’re interested in exploring how neuroscience can transform your personal or professional life, I invite you to learn more about my program. Together, we can discover how to make the most of your mind’s power to achieve your goals.
Don’t miss my next article, where we will continue exploring the mind and how to use it effectively to achieve better results.
Adriana Bárbara Rodríguez, Mind Coach
Adriana Barbara is a Mind specialized Coach that is focused on helping CEO's and high-level entrepreneurs to develop their leadership teams by assisting each member to transform their mindset from the root, achieve their full potential and improve their highest productivity in order to accomplish the organization’s goals in an effective and sustainable way, with her innovative Neuroscience method in leadership.
