Written by: Aimee Clark, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I was driving on the beltway recently and I hit some traffic. I realized that it might make me late to my destination. And as I was starting to feel some minor stress about the situation, I had an “Aha” moment. I suddenly questioned my view or assumption that…there shouldn’t be any traffic. Why is there this expectation about how things should or shouldn’t be in our lives – as if there’s some sort of rule book that defines, for us, how we need to approach life or how it should play out. As I started to ponder this perspective, I thought about the many ways we live our lives in this ‘should’ mentality: I shouldn’t walk down the street singing loudly; I should only wear neutral colors and black socks; I shouldn’t skip into my next work meeting speaking loudly, sharing confidently, and acting gregariously; I should act, think, and express myself only in specific ways. While this approach to our lives can provide a feeling of comfort and structure – it also can be limiting, restrictive, and somewhat boring.
While, I’m referring to the choices we make about our lives, I’m also contemplating the structure of how we think and approach life in a larger context. Back to my original shared story about the traffic I encountered while driving. We assume that there ‘shouldn’t’ be any traffic. Sometimes, we get frustrated when we get delayed. But why not? Who says that’s the way it should be? Somewhere along the way of life, we’ve come to these set conclusions about how life needs to operate. And if it doesn’t function in a certain and predictable way, it must not be right. We’ve even developed a way of responding to life when it veers from this seemingly predictable course – we experience stress. But what if we learn how to think differently, adjust our response to change, when it occurs, and allow ourselves to live more fully in the moment rather than in our expectation of a specific outcome.
So, how do we think differently? While we may not be able to completely overhaul our thoughts just yet, we can challenge the thoughts we regularly have about our lives. This requires being intentional and focused. For example, I have a coffee shop a few blocks from my house. I walked there this morning for my usual cup of coffee but it wasn’t open. It opens every day at 5AM. This morning it was closed. So, in that situation, how I perceive the experience can be shaped by me! In that moment, I can shift my perspective to see the experience as re-routing my life instead of falling into the old way of thinking that “it should be open because it’s always open at this time”. Thinking differently allows us to consider other options and see the importance of introducing alternate outcomes and experiences. It encourages us to let go of traditional ways of thinking and being and it opens the door for exploring all ways of experiencing life. Let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with a structured way of living AND there’s room for us to incorporate flexibility and to expand our view of how life can unfold.
Adjusting our response to change is tough and doable. If we have a certain expectation, then it can be emotionally challenging when that expectation isn’t met in the way we thought it would be. So, when this happens – we can approach the experience as a learning moment. It’s an opportunity to see the stress of the situation in a new way. We can ask ourselves, why am I feeling this way? What is this stress, fear, or discomfort trying to tell us? Once we figure that out, we can find comfort in knowing that we can continue to push forward through that feeling. It will pass – and as we work through our initial response to the discomfort – we can know that we are learning more about ourselves and growing through the experience. It may also be a good time to remind ourselves that we are challenging our long-held beliefs about how things/life “should” unfold. This awareness will contribute to our growth and new way of living.
Finally, being in the present moment is key to grasping this approach to living. If we are always focused on what will happen, what should be, or the outcome – we are often missing the dynamic and ever evolving present moment. And this is where life, in all of its glory, is unfolding before us and with us. Being aware in the current moment and experiencing life in the here and now - allows us to shift our focus to seeing the importance of the present. Back to my traffic example – if I’m able to be present with what’s going on as I experience the traffic, then I’m not reacting to the idea of what may or may not happen in the future ‒ (being late, getting stuck on the beltway for the next two hours, etc). I can lean into my being more fully – accepting the situation as it is instead of how it could be. I’m also learning how to diminish or not experience stress because my focus is on the here and now. And the truth of the here and now (in this example) is that I’m safe in my car, I’m able to listen to music I like, I’m seeing the beauty of the day, and I’m getting the chance to be fully present in this moment.
In conclusion, I think structure is important. And I also think too much structure can be limiting and constrictive. So, why not experience something new – see things differently and try living with an alternate perspective. The next time, you wonder whether you should: dance down the street, speak your mind with a group of folks who have differing opinions, laugh out loud at your own joke, wear those colorful knee-high socks, or play hooky from work because “why the heck not” – JUST DO IT (or don’t ☺)! And when life doesn’t meet your expectations, in some way, try seeing the experience as an opportunity to have an adventure, experience fun, and learn something new!
On this day, I leave you to ponder this: “Challenge what you’ve always been so you can become what you’ve never imagined”.
Aimee Clark, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Aimee Clark is a Wellness Coach with Giggle More Wellness. Her area of interest involves guiding people to recognize their innate self-worth, amazing brilliance, and powerful purpose. She offers structured coaching sessions with an emphasis on self-discovery, seeing purpose every day, and creating fun and joy in life. As a wellness coach, Aimee hopes to partner with people to value and appreciate all aspects of life ‒ to see how struggle and joy work together to craft our inner-core. Her passion is to help people not only see their greatness ‒ but to live in that truth every day. Enjoying the journey is imperative to our well-being. Aimee is confident we can learn to do this through the tough times and easier experiences ‒ as we move forward in our lives.
