Written by Angela Dawn, Sex, Love & Relationship Coach
Angela Dawn is a Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and a Certified Tantric Sex Coach whose mission is to empower you to find fulfillment in love & life, enrich your intimate relationships. and help couples "Get Closer."
Many of us meal-plan so we can fuel ourselves for optimum health, work out at the gym to have a better body, take courses to improve our knowledge, practice mindfulness to work with our brain… But, how many people train for intimacy? As with anything, practice and training are the only way to improve.
You really must have a sexual self-practice if you want to get better at sex!
I work with both men and women to help them develop their sexual training program. Most often men want to increase their pleasure, last longer, or have better erections. Women tend to want to have easier access to their orgasms, learn to orgasm with their partner, or have vaginal or multiple orgasms. No matter your personal intimacy goals, I offer help to get started on developing your own sexual training program to reach your personal sexuality goals.
There are clear steps you can take to improve your sexual experience. Beginning with any or all of these recommended strategies will be helpful (and any one of them is a fantastic place to start):
Learn as much as you can about your and your partner’s anatomy & physiology, and what brings you each pleasure.
Practice bringing your awareness to your body, rather than being in your head
3. Develop your own self-pleasure practice, integrating it into your weekly routine.
Learn as much as you can
Most of us had an abysmal experience of Sex Ed in school. What we learned there (if we even had Sex Ed) was focused on biology, not pleasure. Many of us learned about sex from watching porn, which is not only unrealistic but also tends not to focus on women’s pleasure. Some of us learned about sex by simply having sex. Learning about sex through experience leaves out the science and the energetic component. Experiential sex education also heavily relies on partners communicating with each other quite well, which doesn’t often happen. Whether you are a man or a woman, you have probably never been taught the intricacies of how pleasure works for women.
My colleague Caity Wilkinson and I created our Pussy Whispering course just for that reason. Pussy Whispering is a video course on women’s pleasure for men and women. These short videos pack in everything you need to know to improve the sexual experience for her. If you would rather read about her pleasure, I recommend Emily Nagoski’s book, Come as You Are to help you demystify the science of sex.
I also have a free podcast, Quickies with Angela & Caity, to offer you answers to everyone’s top questions about sex. The podcast covers everything from whether size matters, to how to relax in bed, and many tips on how to improve your intimate experience.
Getting quality sex-ed as an adult is a game-changer.
Get your head out of the game
Before I was a sex coach, I was a meditator. Around 2006, I became a student of Tibetan Buddhism. All of my previous training in meditation and visualization paid off in a surprising way when I found my calling as a Tantric Sex Coach! (When one takes the principles of Classical Tantra and applies them to sex, it’s called Neo-Tantra.)
You may know that meditation practices can help with our focus. To focus is to place one’s attention on. What do you place your attention on during sex? The sensations in your body? Your breath? The sounds of your lover? Or, do you focus on what you ‘should’ be doing? Do you ruminate on whether you’re doing it “right”? Are you fantasizing about someone who’s not actually there?
Our minds can be drawn to many different places. But, in bed, we want to keep our minds out of it. The best way to train your focus to be in your body (and not in your head) during sex is to meditate! That’s why I teach a class called Meditation for Better Sex. If you want to up-level your sex life, start meditating daily. Just five minutes a day will produce results.
Simply sit upright in a chair and place your attention on your breath. When you notice your mind wandering from the breath, gently bring your attention back to the breath. Each time you come back to the breath, you are strengthening your ability to place your attention where you’d like to at any time. If you’d like to try a simple breath meditation, you can download a short audio here.
Pleasure yourself
The best way to learn about how your body works, so you can communicate it to your partners is to experiment on yourself. Through self-pleasure, you can identify your turn-ons and try different techniques to please yourself. If you experiment on your own, the roadmap to your orgasms becomes clear. If you’ve only ever pleased yourself in one way, practicing new ways of pleasuring yourself creates new neural pathways and can help you have more pleasure with your partners, too.
Self-pleasure is the ideal training ground to improve your techniques. If you’re a man who is interested in lasting longer or learning something about how your orgasm works, I recommend my free course Stamina 101. This course is an edging challenge for men.
Edging practice benefits both men and women and it’s the first step to learning how to have full-body orgasms (and non-ejaculatory orgasms). Edging is quite simple. Just pleasure yourself until you are at a level 8 or 9 out of 10. (One being you are feeling no pleasure, 10 being you are orgasming.) When you get to level 8 or 9, stop or slow down your pleasuring until you are at level 5. Then, build your pleasure up to an 8 or 9 again. Repeat these steps three or four times in one session.
If you educate yourself about intimacy and sex from quality sources, learn to get out of your head during sex, and practice pleasuring yourself, your sex life will improve dramatically! If you’re interested in getting started with your own sexual training program, I can help! Just book a free consultation.
Angela Dawn, Sex, Love & Relationship Coach
Angela (she/her) is a Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and a Certified Tantric Sex Coach, dedicated to helping couples Get Closer. With a wealth of experience in yoga and Tibetan Buddhism, she brings a holistic approach to her coaching. Angela's mission is to empower clients to find fulfillment in love and life, free from societal taboos. Based in Annapolis, Maryland, her unique perspective and extensive training in tantric practices make her the ideal guide for enriching your intimate relationships. Don't wait; the time for the best version of yourself in love and intimacy is now!
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