Julie A. Christiansen is a leading authority on anger and emotional mastery. She is known as "The Anger Lady" and founded the Anger Solutions Program, the best evidence-based alternative to anger management. She is the author of The Rise of Rage (2024), and the host of the Free domology podcast.
In earlier articles, we've delved into the six types of toxic workplace behaviors and offered strategies for employers to manage them. But what if you are the target? Facing any of the toxic styles presents challenges; however, standing up to the Narcissist, the Bully-Victim, or the Abuser can feel overwhelming. Remember that you have options. You don’t have to endure the negativity passively. Employees often navigate four key stages when coping with toxic behavior, each with distinct approaches and outcomes. In this article, we’ll guide you through these levels, helping you determine when to move forward, step back, or seek resolution in a way that protects your well-being.
1. Resistance
Your first line of defense when dealing with toxic employees is resistance. Resistance sometimes looks like defending yourself, calling out unacceptable language or behaviour, or using your documentation as to protect yourself from unwarranted claims. A subtler form of resistance is resilience.
There are five pillars of resilience: self-awareness, mindfulness, self-care, positive relationships, and purpose. Use the skill of self-evaluation and T.S.A. to check in with yourself and to monitor your ability to cope within the work environment. Take time each day to be quiet, to rest your body and your brain, and to be mindful of your current environment but of all the other aspects of your life that add to its richness. Remind yourself that your work is only one part of your life, not the whole. Engage in regular self-care. Hydrate and nourish your body so that it can be physiologically resistant against the effects of stress. Pay attention to your sleep hygiene. Exercise. Rest. Stay connected! When you are under pressure, that is not the time to become an island unto yourself. Reach out to people who love you and are part of your circle of support. Rely on those you trust to help you get through challenging times. Finally, pursue your purpose. Your job is not your purpose; it is a vehicle through which you attempt to fulfill your purpose. Shoring up your resiliency is the best form of resistance.
2. Report toxic behaviours
Sometimes resistance is not enough to stop toxic behaviours from happening. When it reaches a tipping point, it is time to report. Be sure to have documentation in hand and take it to HR. If your workplace is unionized, you may speak to your union representative to determine the best way to proceed. Be sure to state your expectations that the complaint or grievance will be fully investigated and that you will be kept in the loop as to the findings. Ask for support as the matter is investigated.
3. Relocate
Here are the facts: not all investigations will go as expected. Some, if not all, witnesses will decide they don’t want to get involved, and they will refuse to answer questions, or they will lie to protect themselves. Some leaders are easily swayed into doing less than is required when investigating. It may then be in your best interest to seek a lateral transfer to another location, site, or team so that you can have some distance from the toxic co-worker. Where there is an opportunity to relocate, take it.
4. Resign
The MIT Sloan Management Review reports that at the start of 2021, over 40% of employees were considering leaving their jobs, and as the year progressed, a record-breaking wave of resignations followed. Between April and September alone, more than 24 million American workers quit—an all-time high. While business leaders are grappling to understand the factors fueling this exodus and, more urgently, seeking effective strategies to retain their most valued employees, those high-value employees are taking matters into their own hands and fleeing the toxic dump for greener, healthier pastures.
The last line of defense is to walk away from the job. Remember that your job is a vehicle that enables you to pursue your purpose. If it no longer facilitates that, or the price of pursuit is just too high (your mental health, physical health, depleted family life, or lack of job satisfaction), then there is no shame in leaving. Brian Tracy declares that you are the CEO of your own career. This means you get to choose where you work. Do not buy into the lie that, “you should be happy you have a job here.” Somewhere, there is an employer looking for someone just like you, with your skills, your passion, and your talent. Many people may say that it isn’t fair for toxic employees to keep their jobs while good employees leave. It’s not fair, but it happens often. At the end of the day, you must do what is right for you in seeking an employment environment that is free of poison and toxicity.
In the face of toxic work environments, you don’t have to feel powerless. This article has shared four strategic stages to help you regain control: resisting the negativity through resilience, reporting incidents to HR, considering relocation if necessary, and, ultimately, knowing when it’s time to move on. Each stage offers clear actions to protect your mental and physical health and align your work with your purpose. Navigate your toxic workplace with confidence, and connect with Julie for personalized coaching support designed to help you thrive.
Read more from Julie A. Christiansen
Julie A. Christiansen, Speaker, Author, Registered Psychotherapist, Coach
Julie Christiansen has an extensive background in mental health counselling, public speaking that spans almost 30 years. She has authored fifteen books including The Rise of Rage. Julie's personal mission is to leverage people and organizations into radical, positive, lasting change. She fulfills this purpose with passion as a keynote speaker, podcaster, psychotherapist, and executive coach.
