Emily Evans Russell is a single mom, 6-figure business owner, and an Intuitive Life Coach & Breathwork Facilitator. She helps people regulate their nervous systems so that they can amplify their gifts and fall in love with the flow of life again. Emily brings mastery in trauma-informed breathwork, somatic practices, and energy healing to create profound transformation.
Have you ever left a conversation or scrolled through your social media feed and felt drained, tense, or uneasy? Or, on the flip side, have you ever spent time with someone and felt like your body just sighed with relief, as if everything in the world was okay again? That’s your nervous system talking.
Our nervous system constantly scans our environment for signals of safety or danger. Who and what we surround ourselves with can either calm our inner world or send it into overdrive. The good news is that we have the power to curate our relationships, both in person and online, to create more peace, ease, and alignment in our lives.
In this article, we’ll explore how to identify relationships that regulate your nervous system versus those that disrupt it, and how you can consciously choose connections that support your well-being.
The science of co-regulation
Our nervous system is like a finely tuned antenna, constantly picking up signals from the people and environments around us. This process, called co-regulation, means we are emotionally and physiologically influenced by the energy of others. When someone near us is calm and grounded, it’s like an invitation for our nervous system to relax. However, when someone is stressed, angry, or constantly reactive, our nervous system mirrors that heightened state.
Think of it this way: If you’ve ever felt your heart rate slow down while cuddling with a pet or experienced a sense of calm while walking in nature, you’ve felt the magic of positive co-regulation. Similarly, spending time with a friend who truly sees and supports you can bring that same grounding, “ahhh” feeling to your body.
Toxic vs. supportive relationships: How to tell the difference
Not all relationships are created equal when it comes to your nervous system. Some people and interactions expand your energy, leaving you feeling peaceful, inspired, and deeply seen. Others, however, create contraction, leaving you feeling on edge, depleted, or even questioning your worth.
Some clues to help you identify the difference
Supportive relationships
Feel like home: You feel safe to be your authentic self without judgment.
Expand your energy: After spending time with them, you feel lighter, more creative, and energized.
Encourage growth: They celebrate your wins, love how you grow, and inspire you to keep evolving.
Let your nervous system breathe: These people make you feel calm, relaxed, and secure.
Toxic relationships
Feel like walking on eggshells: You’re constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing.
Drain your energy: You leave interactions feeling exhausted, anxious, or insecure.
Trigger contraction: Your body might react with shallow breathing, a tight chest, or a sense of unease.
Inhibit growth: They may criticize, dismiss, or compete with you, leaving little room for mutual respect and celebration.
Curating your relationships: A simple energy audit
Curating your relationships doesn’t mean cutting everyone out of your life. It’s about noticing how people make you feel and making conscious choices to prioritize your peace. Here’s how to get started:
Listen to your body
Your body is a powerful guide. Pay attention to how it reacts around certain people. Do you feel expansive or contracted? Energized or drained? Relaxed or on edge?
Identify expanders vs. drainers
Expanders are those who bring lightness, creativity, and strength into your life. They help you feel calm and supported.
Drainers are those whose energy leaves you feeling tense, anxious, or depleted. They may unintentionally (or intentionally) pull you into a heightened state of stress.
Curate your social media feed
Your nervous system responds to online interactions, too. Notice if certain accounts make you feel inspired or insecure. Unfollow or mute accounts that create tension, and replace them with ones that bring joy—think happy dog videos, nature photography, or uplifting creators.
Practice boundaries
It’s okay to say no to events, conversations, or people that consistently drain you. You don’t owe anyone your energy if it comes at the expense of your well-being.
Experiment and adjust
Treat this as an experiment. Try spending less time with certain people or in certain environments and see how your energy shifts. Notice if you feel more peaceful, creative, or aligned when you prioritize supportive relationships.
The ripple effect: How supportive relationships transform you
When you prioritize relationships that let your nervous system breathe, the benefits ripple out into every area of your life. Here’s what’s possible:
Enhanced creativity and problem-solving: A calm nervous system opens the door to intuition, innovation, and expansive thinking.
Improved health and resilience: Chronic stress takes a toll on the body, but supportive connections can lower stress and promote relaxation.
Deeper self-trust: Surrounding yourself with people who see you as enough reinforces your own sense of worthiness.
Greater joy and ease: When your relationships align with your values, life feels lighter and more enjoyable.
Final thoughts: Choose peace, always
Curating your relationships isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When you prioritize connections that nourish your nervous system, you’re not only choosing peace for yourself but also showing up as the best version of yourself for others.
So, take a moment to reflect: Who in your life lets your nervous system breathe? Who makes you feel most like yourself? And what small shifts can you make to bring more of that energy into your world?
Remember, you have the power to create a life filled with connections that feel like home. Choose peace. Always.
Ready to align your energy and relationships with your highest self? Explore my free Energy Shifts in Action program to create a life that feels calm, creative, and connected.
Emily Evans Russell, Intuitive Life Coach & Breathwork Facilitator
Emily Evans Russell is a single mom, 6-figure business owner, and an Intuitive Life Coach & Breathwork Facilitator. She helps people regulate their nervous systems so that they can amplify their gifts and fall in love with the flow of life again. Emily brings mastery in trauma-informed breathwork, somatic practices, and energy healing to create profound transformation. She holds her master's degree in teaching and has trained in breathwork, hypnotherapy, reiki, and yoga. She has also been a facilitator of seminars around the world in consciousness, energy and mindset for over 10 years.
