Written by Marja West, Author – Trauma-Based Mind Control DeActivator
Marja West is an author, mentor of The Hermetic Natural Law Principles, and a leading expert in energy mastery, reality creation, and trauma-based mind control deactivator focusing on handholding survivors of human trafficking, rape camps, satanic ritual abuse, cult/tribal, and NSP abuse (Narcissistic - Sociopathic -Psychopathic), to evolve from victim to victorious. She is also well-known for her zero-filtered-laugh-out-loud humour and disarming, electrifying presentations.
Hello, my beautiful waking gods & goddesses. I trust you are enjoying the summer or winter season wherever you are on this beautiful planet. I’ve received numerous requests to share my relationship insights. I’m thrilled to share my top 10 relationship green flags for the heart-based new humanity rather than focus on the many red flags most so-called relationship experts love to highlight ad nauseam.
Funnily enough, contrary to those who know me well personally and professionally as an expert on love relationships, I’ve never considered myself to be a relationship expert. My expertise falls along the lines of knowing relationship pain intimately. Through my healing journey of doing the shadow work, I’ve reverse-engineered and come to some heart-based and sound-minded conclusions that consistently yield effective strategies for successfully navigating love relationships anchored in fertile ground that allow for evolutionary growth—spiritually, emotionally, mindfully, and physically.
Ready? Set. Go!
Green flag no.10 — Learn your beloved’s love language
I hemmed and hawed about this one, but I just had to include it because I know of so many folks who’ve rocked their relationships—not just with their mates, but with their friends and family members with this seemingly novel skillset, based on the enormously popular book by Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages.
I’ve heard folks lament to my face how lame and trite this material is to some, but just do it, especially if you expect your partner to adopt yours—it’s a two-way street you’ll benefit from in many wonderful and delightful ways. A little goes a long way.
Please don’t blow it by being lazy, indifferent, or neglectful.
On the other hand, don’t be attached to your beloved learning your love language. Some folks don’t want to go there and never will; the more you push, the more belligerent and obstinate they become. Please don’t take their resistance on, allowing their refusal to learn your love language as a reflection of your worth or their lack of love for you.
Green flag no.9 — The ability to receive and give constructive criticism
This green flag is a sensitive topic, causing many butt-hurt feelings and defensiveness, and has ruined many a love story, friendship, and family relations. The ability to receive, formulate, and give constructive criticism is one of the hardest things to do—to give/offer constructive criticism in a kind, receivable way, especially when unsure how your partner will react, respond, and receive it.
It is good work first to consider how you are at receiving criticism. Do you and your partner know how to obtain and offer criticism without turning it against the other person? Many of us grew up in households where we suffered immense trauma under the rule of thumb of cold, dismissive, authoritarian parenting, so being trauma-sensitive/trauma-informed goes a long way in learning to access the skills of compassion and kindness in this tricky landscape.
As a caveat, I’m not talking about you folks out there who do nothing but complain and criticise and correct your beloved because of your unattended and unhealed shadow material.
Know the difference; always balance your criticisms with praise!
Green flag no.8 — Similar/compatible fitness goals and healthy habits
Without question, having similar and compatible fitness goals and healthy habits encompasses health and well-being and contributes greatly to longevity in any relationship. Great health and well-being are key to happy, loving, supportive relationships.
Healthy means lovingly calling one another out on life-sucking toxic habits like smoking, not spending regular time outdoors in the sun and nature, eating junk food, drinking dirty, infiltered water, overeating, indulging in addictions to Franken foods full of chemicals and other lab-grown nonsense, sugar, drugs (pharma and recreational) and alcohol, and not maintaining regular exercise body movement practices by defaulting into couch potato or desk jockey immobile objects.
I lovingly tell my clients and students to invest in a beautiful, full-length mirror and a hand mirror and check out their backside and side view, not in a shaming way.
You only live once in this body. Check yourselves and love yourselves. Check out the book Good Energy by Casey Means, MD, with her brother, Calley Means, and take your healthy self to a new level of consciousness and self-love.
Green flag no.7 — Unconditional support
I love the term unconditional support, which is the ability to be each other’s champions and advocates, even if you don’t agree, understand, or care for your partner’s interests or passions.
I’ve sadly and painfully witnessed for myself couples who are mean, competitive, and jealous of one another or controlling—pissing on their partner’s parade, like not showing up for their spouse’s art opening or being down on particular pursuits. These behaviours indicate unhappiness and unfulfillment on the part of one or both parties. Please don’t be toxic and indifferent, and get some help.
Advocating for one another means supporting the reality that you and your partner are ever-growing and evolving, on point, on task, and fulfilling your respective life’s works and missions—or even perhaps exploring a complete 180-degree shift into unknown territory that’s sparked passion and newly found enthusiasm. Be happy for your partner’s discoveries, and encourage them. Whether these pursuits are shared or you have separate interests, even if one of you is retired or in grad school—allow yourselves to live life on purpose, with curiosity and care, and don’t blame your partner for your unhappiness or dissatisfaction—that’s on every one of us to figure out.
Green flag no.6 — Tag team masters
The term tag team comes to mind, and everyone gets to shine! The ability to work as a team in combined efforts and strengths toward common goals and common intentions relates to the superpower ability for couples to switch in and out of being the lead and support roles.
Sometimes, your partner is appropriate at taking the lead in a specific situation because you are not. Then there are other times when you’re the perfect lead, and your partner would be the worst possible choice.
Seems logical and reasonable. You’d be surprised how many folks sabotage their relationships with costly consequences by always wanting to lead, be right, and be the authority or default into a parental role. Stop it before you wreck yourselves. It is not attractive.
Green flag no.5 — Coexisting in silence
Oh, the sound of silence—to coexist in silence, finding someone you can be with and share the silence with is so powerful and peaceful. We want to enjoy each other’s company and presence and be together in silence—whether travelling in a car on a long journey or hanging out.
Sounds so natural and easy, right? Wrong!
Unsurprisingly, couples comfortable in long silences are rarities, as most people interpret silence as an awkward and negative pause—that something’s amiss, even when you’ve been with them for a long time. So many folks I’ve counselled find silence disturbingly triggering and invariably are compelled, and compulsively so, to fill that delicious silent roar with unnecessary and annoying verbosity, absolutely killing the mood, the mode, and peace.
The ability to be together in silence is powerful and therapeutic, opening the space and providing an opportunity for communing intimately and energetically with one another with our minds, hearts, souls, and spirits to connect without words.
The ability to be in the same house and space, doing separate things in different rooms or sectors of the communal landscape, is a superpower! Bravo!
Within this, I would also include feeling free to go on separate trips and spend time away from each other and being ok with that—you can share your separate adventure upon your return.
Green flag no.4 — Shared worldview, values, and morality in relationship
Having a shared worldview, values, and morality with your beloved is basic. If you don’t match up on these, why be together at all?? Not matching up on these basics is a recipe for drama and disastrous heartbreak.
Green flag no.3 — Staying emotionally connected even during active conflicts
The higher road is the ability to stay emotionally connected in loving-kindness even during an active conflict or when experiencing hard feelings such as anger, betrayal, hurt, and disappointment. However, the automatic default is that of the silent treatment, aka stonewalling—freezing someone out, ghosting—disappearing or engaging in distancing or avoidant tactics that are major red flags and toxic abuse, my darlings.
Staying emotionally connected after an argument is beyond super challenging for most people—the rule rather than the exception is to completely shut down after an argument and emotionally ghost, neglect their partner, and act in hurtful-disrespectful ways as though their partner no longer exists.
Staying connected, kind, and loving during and after an argument or conflict is a learned essential skill in a loving relationship. No matter how big the fight is, staying emotionally connected to your partner—you following them and letting them follow you through your respective hurt, anger, or betrayal journey is important. It goes a long way to ensuring the conflict is resolved and done so lovingly. This Heart-based New Humanity skill set builds and promotes intimacy.
Green flag no.2 — Mutual respect and admiration
Mutual respect and admiration require couples to be grown-ups and not play games. One thing about being played in a relationship is that the person usually knows they are being played. True love is no game. True love is who and what we are. Feeling safe and confident that your partner isn’t playing games with you allows you to relax in your love for them and engenders trust.
Green flag no.1 — The acceptance that men and women are different
The first and foremost green flag that will enable all the other green flags. I’ve just mentioned is understanding that men and women—that masculine and feminine are different. We have different brains, emotional makeups, body types, hormones, energies, and communication styles. We think and process differently and have different needs, so we accept that we may not always agree or arrive at the same conclusions.
In Conclusion
Thank you for your attention and for reading along, my love. Please note that my top 10 list of relationship green flags also applies to gay, bi-trans, and whatever orientations. I’ve based my conclusions on the universal energies of the masculine and feminine within whatever gender you identify with because at the end of any day or the beginning of a new dawn—the dance of the masculine and feminine within is the basis of the first and foremost love relationship—with yourself.
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Read more from Marja West
Marja West, Author – Trauma-Based Mind Control DeActivator
Marja (pronounced Mahrrr-ya) West is the author of the book F'd Wide Open: The Rude Awakening of the Heart-Based New Humanity. She is also a medical intuitive, martial artist, singer, multi-instrumentalist-musician, dancer, and plant lover.
