Written by: Olga Willemsen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In the pursuit of a fulfilling and joyful life, understanding the intricacies of happiness is essential. As we navigate the complexities of modern existence, a mindful approach to happiness becomes imperative. Let's uncover the mechanisms that govern our happiness and explore the transformative power of mindful living.
Ways to be happy
There are distinct ways that we can experience happiness.
These are related to the happiness hormones produced in our bodies.
Belonging
We draw much pleasure and experience safety from the feeling of belonging.
It is vital for us to relate to other people, to have stable relationships, and to experience trust. The happiness of belonging is related to the release of the hormone oxytocin.
Respect
We want to be respected and receive recognition from others for who we are and what we do. This gives us a feeling of safety and fulfillment in our families, among our friends, and at work. Respect and recognition are experienced due to the release of serotonin.
Desire for more
The desire for more gets us out of bed in the morning and provides us with the drive throughout the day.
It is a drive to find food, perform in studies and at work, seek relationships and social recognition, build trust, and so on.
It is caused by dopamine, “the molecule of more”.
Innate painkiller
The innate painkiller effect is most known as “the runner’s high.” It is a euphoric state that is experienced after a long and exhausting run.
Such a euphoric state is caused by endorphins, which allow a person to get to a safe place in case of injury. So, it serves survival.
Purpose of happiness
All four types of happiness serve our safety. They secured the survival and propagation of human beings over the whole history of humanity. Nature rewards us with happiness for avoiding danger and pain and seeking survival.
In former times, humans could survive only by belonging to their tribe and sustaining relationships and trust. A higher social status in the tribe secured better mating possibilities and having offspring.
The desire for more ensures that we take actions necessary for our survival and that of our offspring. Innate painkillers enabled survival in cases of being injured.
All four types of happiness are very useful. ut we may make poor choices if we are unaware of these mechanisms.
Mindless happiness
For us to be happy, certain conditions must be met and something needs to happen: we need a better job, a suitable partner, a desired promotion, having a child, and so on. And we typically postpone our happiness for later.
In challenging situations, we often make the easiest choice for a fast and accessible solution. This can be harmful in the long run.
As we move more to different places and countries, the circle of people we encounter grows bigger. It becomes more challenging to sustain long-term close relationships.
Low self-esteem and social anxiety become a frequent phenomenon.
At the same time, our financial and material status allows us to live more and more independent and isolated lives, which doesn't make us happier.
Often we prioritize our jobs and careers over other areas of our lives. For that, we receive respect from others. At the same time, we neglect all other ways of feeling happy, including meaningful connections.
As a result, we feel negative emotions like stress, frustration, fear, anxiety, or anger. We deal with that by suppressing or escaping unpleasant feelings in a quick and easy way.
Strong desires for more are easily and quickly generated and met granting us a glimpse of happiness by, for example, overeating, indulging in social media, gaming, smoking, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, pornography, and so on. These accessible means cause cravings and dependency and also put mental and physical health in danger.
Mindful happiness
You already possess awareness in many areas of your life and can enhance it further to transcend the survival mechanisms and to experience happiness in a positive, meaningful, and mindful manner.
You have the ability to control and avoid sources of quick satisfaction that lead to cravings and addictions. You can replace them with enduring sources of happiness.
Discovering and employing all four ways of happiness can enrich your life: belonging and trust, respect and recognition, desire for more, and innate painkillers.
Meaning and fulfillment
But above happiness for us humans in life is meaningfulness.
He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.
Nietzsche
Happiness originates from meeting certain external conditions. Whereas meaning is created purely by our own efforts and is independent of conditions.
In fact, the more complex the conditions are, the more meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment we may draw by overcoming them.
And by overcoming hardship, we grow and evolve. As Ray Dalio puts it in his Principles: Life and Work, evolving is life’s greatest accomplishment and its greatest reward.
We evolve in our relationships by taking more responsibility, creating more close relationships, and heartfelt communication.
You can find more meaning and fulfillment within breaking out from depending on external respect and recognition. For this, you can develop self-respect and depend on internal validation. This helps you follow your own values, goals, and dreams that direct your life.
Growing emotional fitness and resilience in dealing with hardships that come your way in your personal, professional, and social life increase the quality of your life and fulfillment from your experiences.
Hypnotherapy uses the potential of the unconscious mind.
It can help you gain deep comprehension, mobilize innate resources, and transform your thinking and behavior in a short time.
Learn more about my hypnosis services and book a free discovery call where we discuss your personal situation and desires and what I can do for you on my website.
Conclusions
In the tapestry of human experience, happiness weaves a thread of its own, contributing to the rich fabric of our lives.
The pursuit of happiness is not merely a quest for fleeting pleasures but a journey towards a more profound and enduring fulfillment. As we reflect on the four pillars of happiness—belonging, respect, desire for more, and innate painkillers—we uncover the wisdom to make conscious choices.
Yet, beyond happiness lies a deeper realm—the realm of meaning. It is in the pursuit of meaningfulness that we discover a purpose that transcends external conditions. By evolving through challenges and nurturing emotional resilience, we not only find happiness but also create a life of profound fulfillment.
In the end, it is the growth achieved through overcoming hardships that becomes life's greatest accomplishment and its most rewarding gift.
Olga Willemsen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Olga Willemsen, Ph.D., is a hypnotherapist and transformational coach certified in Neo-Ericksonian Hypnosis, Rapid Transformational Therapy, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. She combines her knowledge and experience of hypnotherapy, neuroscience, psychotherapy, NLP, and CBT to create a unique practice, and she can help with anxiety, panic attacks, burnout, sleep disorders, and childhood trauma. Her number one priority is empowering clients to live up to their highest potential. Working online or in-person in The Hague ‒ in English, German, Russian, or Dutch.
References:
Loretta Graziano Breuning, Habits Of A Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels. EAN 9781440590504 16.12.2015, 238 pages
Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search For Meaning: Classic Editions. ISBN-13: 978-1846046384 Rider; 6. Edition (7. Januar 2021), 240 pages
Ray Dalio, Principles: Life and Work. ISBN-10 : 1501124021. Avid Reader Press / Simon & Schuster; September 19, 2017. 592 pages
Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction | Huberman Lab Podcast no.39 https://youtu.be/QmOF0crdyRU?si=hHOVi2G4AkcQKCQh
