Written by: Jem Fuller, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You might be expecting an article on communication to start with ‘the power of language’ or ‘choose your words wisely’, but that’s not where I’ll begin. You see in the weeks of gut-wrenching, heart-breaking and soul-destroying grief that followed the unexpected and instant death of my youngest brother on his motorbike, the communication was anything but ‘carefully chosen words.’ For me, it was sobbing and waling, it was shrieking and screaming, it was collapsing and catching… it was also shoulders to lean on, meals being prepared for us, dishes being cleaned, and beds being made, the writing and singing of songs and the long, heavy silences.
We grew up in a home with an open-door policy. So too it was in grieving. Family and friends coming from far and wide to mourn and support each other through despair, again.
Four months prior our father had died from a brain tumour. My youngest brother had flown back to Australia from Canada to be with us as a family, nursing dad through palliative care at home. With our sibling gone now too, mum had lost her life partner and youngest of four kids within the space of a few months.
I share this story with you not for pity nor to ‘play a violin’, I share this story with you to connect… grief is something you already know, or one day surely will.
The word Communication comes from the Latin noun communicatio, which means a sharing, and the Latin verb communicare which means to make common.
In our modern world of identity politics, public shaming and cancel culture, where more and more people shout at each other across the digital divides of difference, determined to not only prove their point, but to destroy their enemies in the process, it seems, sadly, for many, communication is becoming a forgotten art.
In the meantime, the biggest and most pressing problems for humanity; such as climate change, pandemics and inequality, are things we very much have in common. Like death and grief, these things we all share, and despite the differences, people identify with and fight tooth and nail for, we are very literally all in this together, and if we don’t come together to communicate, collaborate and create global solutions, we will run out of time... and then nothing much will matter at all.
It is communication that enables us to traverse diversity and collectively combine. It is communication that allows us to coordinate across countries and navigate global adversity. It is only with communication we can share an idea, move past the fear, and then manifest it into reality. It is communication that is the pathway to nurturing and fostering our closest and most intimate relationships, and these, our most important connections, play directly into the quality of our personal lives.
In the absence of communication, there is only disconnect and distance. There can be no communion, no resolution, no solutions. In that void, we perish.
I have some ideas I believe are worth sharing, ideas on how to preserve and evolve this most vital human skill. Ideas that if spread, can reignite that which I believe we deeply already know:
Open-mindedness matters
Consideration matters
Teaching the next generation matters
Open-mindedness matters. In our ego’s desperate plight to fight for identity survival, to defend itself and its precious ideologies, it is blinkered and closed, blindly opposed to any other perspectives. If we can remember that it’s completely fine, to loosen our tight grip on how-we-think-things-should-be, that there’s actually a plethora of alternative possibilities, and perhaps more functional ways, if we can remember to open our minds, we can find each other … in communication.
Do you remember the times you’ve lost yourself in the heated emotion of an argument? Was the immediate outcome ever resolve, or did reconciliation only evolve in the calmer waters of the post-storm sea? Loosen your grip, open your mind, remain curious and breathe. There be easier ways forward.
Consideration matters. Consideration of context, intent, timing and delivery. Inter-personal consideration. Cultural consideration.
In the days before I walked across the border from India to Pakistan, as a backpacker in the 90s, I went to a tailor and purchased traditional shalwar kameez, I learnt to say As-salaamu alaikum and a handful of Urdu words. This simple consideration and respect of difference opened up an experience of remarkable hospitality, connection and communication, otherwise unlikely to have occurred.
On a bus in the remote northern mountains of the Hindu Kush, I had a conversation with a university student, a devout Muslim and young father. He was open to me, a dreadlocked, bearded Aussie backpacker dressed in his style, and making an effort. His English was much better than my Urdu and I will always remember his analogy to exemplify our commonality. He simply said, ‘If we cut your skin here, and we cut my skin here, we have the same-coloured blood. You and me, we are the same’, he said.
Consideration of others can lead to connection through what-we-have-in-common. From this foundation, we can break bread together, celebrate diversity, and broaden our respective horizons. I may not always agree with you, but I promise to consider your perspective before making up my mind.
Teaching the next generation matters. It’s easy to feel that what we do, as an individual, won’t really make a difference… to think, ‘I can’t change the world’. But when there is a groundswell of individuals sharing good ideas, movements can form, and with education, generational change takes place.
I’m calling out to parents and teachers, to uncles and aunties, to elders within communities, to schools and universities, please, dedicate some resource, your time and intent, to show our younger people more functional ways to communicate. It’s not too late and every piece of guidance contributes. Perhaps our future high schools have classes of conscious communication in their curriculum?
Let’s teach our young people to pause and not react, to take a breath, listen and then respond. Let’s teach them there is a wide world of ways, and not only one path. Let’s ignite their cultural curiosity and remind them that EVERY single other human needs oxygen and water, food and shelter, is nourished in authentic connection, feels the pain of loss, and one day too will die. We are the same in many ways, you and I.
Parenting isn’t easy, I know that to be true. I’ve had some of my finest AND ugliest moments as a father. I’ve had times where it’s felt like my most gallant attempts at conscious communication have fallen on deaf ears. As I watch my teenage sons becoming young men in front of me, I can only hope that my efforts in communication with them, positively influence the way they move through life.
Open your mind to points of view, consider others are trying to work it out too, and pay this forward as you move on through.
My hope is that we, us humans, can move away from the dangerous distractions of bickering online about differences of opinions, that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t really matter. That we can find ways to free ourselves from the algorithmic, feedback loops, the social-media-echo-chambers capitalising off our pre-disposition to confirmation bias. My hope is that we can evolve to re-focus on the things that really matter.
The biggest, most imminent, and important problems are problems for us all, not just some, and the solutions will only be found when we work together, harnessing the power of diversity through more Conscious Communication.
Jem Fuller, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jem Fuller is a trusted advisor and coach to executive and senior leaders across the public, private and not-for-profit sectors. He brings a fresh perspective from his colourful life of adventures and experiences around the world; from barefoot backpacker, fire-dancer and tattooist, to kindergarten teacher, travel consultant and corporate leader (and many things in between!).
His company, Leaders in Life, has been taking leaders on programs to the remote Himalayan mountains of NW India, the jungles of Northern Bali and remote desert regions of NW Australia since 2014. Jem combines his studies in various ancient healing modalities, mind practises and human behaviour to create practical and relatable strategies for improving leadership and culture.
Jem is a TEDx speaker and the author of 'The Art of Conscious Communication for Thoughtful Men', and 'What Matters Most'. He is regarded as an expert in communication and resilience. Jem's mission: Making lives easier. You can watch his TEDx talk here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lxeRsIi1S0"
