Danielle Hayes, the founder of Calm Kids: Counselling & Wellbeing Services, possesses over three decades of expertise as an educator, children's counsellor, and parent coach. She is a trusted speaker on trauma-informed education and parenting, advocating for the holistic wellbeing of children, teachers and families.
As a new school year begins in the Southern Hemisphere, many children struggle to transition from holiday sleep-ins and a casual routine to getting up early and staying engaged for long periods. Focusing on your child’s wellbeing can be crucial to ensuring a smooth transition back into the school year.
3 ways to support your child’s wellbeing in their new routine
1. Create a consistent morning routine by using a visual schedule
Our brains naturally love routine, and consistent routines not only help children manage any nervousness about the new school year but also make things easier for parents. When the brain knows what to expect, it can relax and stay in the "green zone," where we feel most regulated and in control.
Visual schedules are often used with neurodivergent children; however, they are an effective way to support all children in developing independence within their routines. They also allow parents to take a step back and breathe, reducing some of the morning stress. Once a visual schedule has been developed, a parent could ask their child, “What is next on your schedule?”
Your child may need some time to get used to the autonomy of a visual schedule. However, by involving them in the creation process and allowing them to have input into the order of tasks, they will be more committed to the process.
Here is a website that provides examples of visual schedules and guidance on how to use them. The most important thing to remember about routines is to maintain some flexibility. Whilst routines help our brains feel calmer, children also need to understand that they can handle changes when necessary.
2. Develop an after-school routine that supports the nervous system
An after-school routine that supports a child’s nervous system is one of the most effective ways to create a much calmer evening in the household (and we all want that, don’t we?). Children naturally build up extra levels of adrenalin and cortisol (stress hormones) during the school day.
Many children come home from school or after-school care and want to go straight to a gaming console or screen, only to meltdown later when they are asked to finish their game and come to dinner or have a bath. When children use screens, we are often led to believe they are having downtime because they are still and quiet, until that meltdown later! Whilst their bodies may not be moving much, don’t be misled, their brains are incredibly active, producing even more adrenalin and cortisol.
The most effective way to avoid evening meltdowns and support a healthy nervous system is to ensure your child has some non-competitive physical activity after school. Bike riding, walking, dancing, kicking a ball, or spending time on a trampoline will help your child release the extra stress hormones that have built up during the day. They only need 10–15 minutes of this stress-releasing time to allow their nervous system to reset. If you can join them, it will also support your nervous system before moving into the evening routine.
3. Prioritise emotional check-ins
Regularly talk with your child about their feelings regarding school, friends, and daily experiences. Create an open, non-judgemental space where they feel comfortable expressing emotions. Listening actively helps them feel supported and understood.
One way to create a daily check-in routine is to use the “Sunshine, Cloud, Rainbow” system. At dinner or just before bed, everyone can share the following:
Sunshine: One thing that made you feel good inside today (note the focus on the feeling rather than something they did).
Cloud: One thing that didn’t feel so good today.
Rainbow: One thing you are feeling grateful for.
This approach has no right or wrong answers, as our feelings simply reflect our personal experiences. If your child shares something that concerns you, you can ask, “Do you need any help from me with this problem, or do you just need me to listen?”
Sometimes, as parents with the best intentions, we jump in too quickly to help, but this can disempower our child. By letting them know you are there if they need you, you show them that you believe they have the skills to handle the situation while also reassuring them of your support. This builds self-efficacy.
By focusing on these wellbeing-centred routines, you can support your child’s transition into the new school year. If you need support with transitions, please see my details below.
Read more from Danielle Hayes
Danielle Hayes, Counsellor, Educator, Parent Coach, Speaker
Danielle Hayes is passionate about addressing the rising levels of anxiety in our children and adolescents. Danielle experienced childhood anxiety, herself, and believes that supporting parents and educators to understand how trauma is stored in our bodies is the key to helping children heal. As an educator and counsellor with over three decades of experience, she has complemented her studies with holistic approaches such as yoga, meditation and somatic therapy.
Danielle founded Calm Kids: Counselling & Wellbeing Services to help families access holistic, child-centered therapy services, including art, yoga, play, somatic and mindfulness therapies.
