Written by: Sallie Wagner, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Ready to land that big client? Or maybe disagreements with your kids, partner, or spouse? Then it’s time to boost your skills of persuasion with these 3 crucial insights.
As with so many things in life, many people think that being persuasive is a character trait. You either have it, or you don’t.
But that’s not the case at all. Anyone can learn to be more persuasive. All it takes to get started is to become aware of three basic concepts:
Tailor your techniques
Join the team
Embrace and amplify
Tailor Your Techniques
First, you need to tailor your techniques to the person who is the object of your persuasive efforts. In order to do that, you need to take time to understand that person, which means you need to have a conversation, or several. Those conversations allow you to build a relationship, which allows you the opportunity to learn about their fears (concerns), biases (predispositions), goals, and objectives in life, or at least in this particular transaction.
And by biases, I don’t mean prejudices that would unfairly impact any protected classes (under applicable statues) with regard to prohibited discriminatory activities, such as Fair Housing or employment laws. Rather, in this context, biases refer to the person’s predisposition or tendency to favor one thing over another (for example, ice cream v. gelato; pie v. cake).
The reason it’s necessary to learn about the person you want to persuade is simple – the best persuasion happens when you focus on something that already matches the person’s fears, biases, goals, objectives, and so on. When you match the efforts of your persuasion with something they already want, or don’t want, you don’t need to move the needle very far – they’ve already half-persuaded themselves before you even start!
So, as you listen, and engage with the other person, identify those things. Then, you can meaningfully tailor your persuasive techniques to match them.
For example, and for the examples that follow, imagine you’re working as a real estate agent, helping a person find a new house. If you know the person has a bias toward tile floors, you can steer them in the right direction when you take them to view the houses they’re considering buying. Certainly more persuasive than taking them to houses with carpet, or hardwood floors.
Join the Team
Next, join their team or invite them to join your team, whatever team that may be in any given situation. We all know the power of being part of a team – just consider the camaraderie between fans of the same sports team – instant connection!
Being part of the team helps to pre-persuade them, which means you’ll get better, easier, faster results. You may even create a special team for the situation, enlist them as a team member and an ally for the project at hand. The project team is especially effective when you’ve taken the time to build that relationship we talked about above.
For example, remember the goal of the persuasion is to help them get a contract on the house, so recruit them to the House Team, and also recruit them as your ally for that critical mission. Then, when the negotiations get sticky over whether Great Aunt Martha’s chandelier stays in the foyer or goes with the sellers, you can call on their status as a team member to help de-escalate. You can enlist them as your ally to keep things more on the business transaction level, rather than making it highly personal.
Embrace and Amplify
Last, embrace and amplify. We’ve all heard about how to overcome objections, and you’ve probably even used scripts for overcoming common objections in your particular field. However, when you overcome an objection, at some level, you’re telling the person that they’re wrong to think or feel that particular way. And whenever somebody gets the message that they’re wrong about something, even if that message is subconscious, the conversation shuts down. And you lose your power to persuade.
Instead of overcoming their objection, step into their reality, embrace their perspective and their position. Then, amplify it to the point where it becomes absurd and unworkable, even to them.
For example, with the goal of helping the person find a new house, imagine that the house of their dreams has just gone under contract to another buyer, and they’re so discouraged, they don’t want to look at any other houses.
Embrace that position by agreeing with them. Absolutely, I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want to look at any other houses, either. In fact, I don’t think you should consider any other houses, ever.
Once you’ve embraced their position, amplify it. Tell them, you might want to submit a contract on that house anyway, as a back up offer, in case the contract with the other buyer doesn’t work out. And if the contract with the other buyer does close, I could contact them on your behalf and ask if they would consider selling the house to you – at a premium, of course.
Continue with the amplification. Tell them, in the meantime, you can continue to live where you are now, even though you’re not happy with the current situation. And you’ll be taking a risk on what market conditions will be like in a few weeks, after that contract with the other buyer closes, or maybe in a couple of years when we finally wear that new owner down and get them to agree to sell the house to you – at an even greater premium, of course.
Another amplification. Tell them, and, in the meantime, you might also consider looking at these other houses that have the exact same features as the house that you love.
You see how these techniques work? They’re not sales-y or pushing. They’re subtle, guiding the person to do what they really wanted to do all along, you just helped them discover that by listening to their concerns and predispositions, recruiting them to your team, and then embracing and amplifying their position when they encountered an obstacle.
Easy skills that any one can deploy right away, in situations far more crucial and important than the mundane example used to illustrate the concepts.
Skills that will help you in business and in life!
So start using your new skills now to boost the power of YOUR persuasion!
Sallie Wagner, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sallie Wagner – speaker, author, lawyer, real estate broker, What’s Next Strategist, and Life Alchemist! Sallie employs Emotional Freedom Techniques, evolved Neurolinguistic Programming, and trauma-aware modalities, so clients launch into action for rapid, concrete results, as they ditch unwanted habits, behaviors, fears, phobias, limiting beliefs, and decisions.
Sallie spent the majority of her law career in the corporate world. In addition to her other business initiatives, she currently provides broker and contracts compliance services to real estate brokerages throughout Florida. She also owns and operates a real estate school.
