Written by: Jackie Woodside, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Let’s face it! Despite the desires you have and the goals you hope to achieve, there’s a part of you that wants to stay exactly the way you are. Yes, I know change is hard. It’s like stepping into a strange new world that’s met with untold worries and loaded with uncertainty — where you don’t have any idea which direction you’re heading.
So, here’s a short parody of what really goes on in our inner world when thinking about hiring a coach, taking a class, moving to a new city, starting a business, or getting into a new relationship. Take a look and see if you don’t identify with a few of these.
Resist anything new.
Everyone wants a better life, but no one wants to change! Growth and change require you to step into the unknown. Yet, year after year, I face coaching clients who want to change and have a great desire to do so. After some time, they get back to doing what they used to do, keeping them away from their desires.
If you keep thinking and doing the same things you have always done, you will not only get the same results, but also you will stay the same forever.
Be certain that you already know.
Starting with the position that you know how to create the change you desire is a definitive way to ensure that you don’t learn anything new. That’s a great way to start off if and when you don’t want to change. There is no need to change when you already know the answers, the path ahead, and what you should do.
And equally as certain that others do not.
The flip side of being sure that you know is to assert that others do not know wholeheartedly. No one can be your teacher or guide because, well, “I know, and you don’t,” so don’t bother me.
Let FEAR define you.
It’s easy to say that you’re “too busy” to move ahead with your goals and dreams. People do it all the time. But if you tell the truth, you’ll see that it’s not really about not having time. What holds most people back from achieving their goals isn’t time – it’s fear. Yes, fear of failing, fear of trying, fear that it will be too hard, or even the fear of not handling success. Fear drives more of our behavior than we want to admit. When we tell ourselves that we don’t have time to move forward on our goals, what it really means is that we’re not yet willing to prioritize those actions. Yet, it’s so much easier to say we don’t have time than to admit we’re afraid of taking our lives in a new and different direction.
And let CYNICISM be your guide.
When you’re unable to achieve a certain goal, it’s far too easy to start blaming others instead of changing and evolving into the person you long to be. It fills your ego with false satisfaction that you were not responsible for your outcome. We project failure into our future and determine things like, “I’m never going to make it,” or “I’m not disciplined enough,” or similar kinds of limiting self-talk.
This stops you and holds you back from making improvements in the future because you now know that whenever you fail, you have others who you can blame and satisfy your own ego.
Be unwilling to invest money in your growth and development.
Spend money on a coach? A course? Getting a certification? No way. Not going to happen. Why? See 2 and 3 above! When you are convinced that you already know everything, why would you invest precious financial resources in your growth and development? You wouldn’t. Similarly, since your primary commitment in life is to stay the same, why in the world would you seek to get an education or address your habits or skills? You wouldn’t. Therefore, one of the Top Ten Ways to Stay the Same is simply to spend zero dollars on your growth.
The same goes for time.
It’s not a huge leap to say the same about time. Given that you “already know” and no one else can help you, why on earth would you invest an hour of your time in listening to a podcast, see a therapist, take a class, or learn a new skill?
Keep “REALLY BUSY.”
As mentioned above, most people are busy being busy. Doing a thousand other things than learning something that can change their life. Let’s face it, busy is the new rich. Even in the midst of a global pandemic, people repeated the same 1000-year-old refrain, “I’m too busy to...” Whether it’s learning a new skill, taking on a fitness routine, starting a meditation practice, or changing your career, being really “busy” is a really great way of avoiding the unknown.
But do as little as possible.
Have you ever noticed that being busy most often does not translate into being productive? How many times have you come to the end of your day and said to someone, “Man, I was so busy today,” and if they ask, “what did you do?” you simply cannot answer? Lousy feeling, isn’t it? But it’s far too common because when you move through life without a plan or intention, what you’ll get is a lot of activity with very little movement or production. So, you’re in action but doing very little.
And when nothing works, BLAME SOMEONE ELSE for the way life is!
And of course, at the end of it all, it’s never your fault. The demanding work hours, the needy kids, the house that always needs repairs of some kind, and all of the people who want something from you. Everyone around you is the reason you aren’t moving ahead in life. Other people are holding you back.
The point of all of this is simple. Your ego is sly and cunning. It will tell you all kinds of reasons you cannot change and why you need to stay the same. That’s what ego does – it ensures your safety. You can create the life you imagine; you can make others happy, and yes, you can change, but only after you deal with the part of you that is programmed for safety instead of bravery.
There’s a part of you that’s bigger, stronger, and wiser. Listen to your “higher self” and use it to vision, plan, execute, and create the change you desire. Know that the change you seek is also seeking you. That’s why you have the desire in the first place. Use your higher self to overcome the fears and things that hold you back. You have unlimited potential. Now go out and be the winner we both know you are.
You know you want to change some area of your life. You have a deep desire for more satisfaction, or peace of mind, or money, or love. I want to offer you a gift of wisdom, hope, new perspectives, and skills to create the change you desire in your life. Download my book, Time for Change: Essential Skills for Managing the Inevitable. It’s free because I want to support your desire to grow and change.
Jackie Woodside, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jackie Woodside, CPC, MSW, is a best-selling author, TEDx speaker, radio and television personality, and trainer passionate about expanding the edge of human potential. Jackie has written three best-selling books and over 30 different training programs. She was featured along with Jack Canfield and Don Miguel Ruiz on the Wake-Up! TV series. She is the Founder of the Curriculum for Conscious Living and the Conscious Living and Money Vibe Summits.
Jackie provides custom training programs or keynote speeches for organizations such as Blue Cross Blue Shield, Bayer Corporation, the Air Force National Guard, The National Association of Social Workers, Gallaudet University, and the Massachusetts Executive Office of Health and Human Services. Jackie is committed to raising consciousness on the planet, creating a world that works for everyone.
