Written by: Ashley Tilson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Bumping heads and getting sucked into heated conversations with everyone you surround yourself with. Working yourself into the ground in a job that doesn’t make you feel appreciated or allows you the opportunity to grow or advance. Feeling stuck in a home that doesn’t at all feel like home for you. These are some pretty common reasons why a person feels the sudden urge to run away from it all…
And why not? It’s easy enough to understand that sometimes removing ourselves from these unfavorable situations can be the solution.
But do you need to run away? That’s the bigger question here...
All too often, therapists will be the first to say that “running away from your problems doesn’t solve them”. It is true, but I also think that it totally depends on the exact situation and circumstances. Maybe you just need a new job ‒ in a company that’s more aligned with your values and which will elevate you through the growth opportunities you need. Maybe you do need a new home ‒ one that has a better layout, doesn’t have a noisy neighborhood, and which doesn't have that crazy-busy energy that keeps you on edge. And perhaps you do need to take the time to do some soul-searching on the people you surround yourself with ‒ because even though you may have been close to them for so long that it feels like an obligation you have to keep, maybe you do need more supportive and positive relationships.
I remember finding myself in all of these situations at the same time and I wanted to pack up and move across the country! I figured that if I start anew, in a place so far that it forced me to completely start over, then it would be the clean slate I needed. But when I made myself stop and consider each bothersome situation individually, I realized that I had a lot more control then I initially anticipated. Life and society often teach us to settle into our adult lives early, and with that, we assume everything we do has to remain the same. Many of us are taught to believe that it’s safer to not make major changes, so we often bite our tongues and deal with what we have.
But we grow, we change, and with that our needs and values change! So why shouldn’t all these components of our lives change as well?
Without knowing you on a more personal level, all I can offer you for thinking points are these:
What’s the worst that can happen if you start exploring a new career, or even just take that leap by presenting yourself to companies you’d rather work for?
What’s the worst that can happen if you speak your mind, and put a voice to your needs that you may not have felt comfortable or able to address?
What’s the worst that can happen if you start researching for a new neighborhood to live in, and look at the options available for a new place to move to?
And better yet: what’s the BEST thing that can happen if you act on the above questions and they proceed in your favor?
The truth is that if these acts don’t go in your favor, the problem may actually work itself out! Your boss may honestly pull you aside and say “we can’t offer you what you need so you should move on”. Your friends & family may say “I had no idea you’ve been feeling this way and I want to help you”, or, admit they no longer see eye-to-eye with you and slowly remove their presence. You may actually realize that you’re in the best neighborhood in your city and begin to appreciate it more. But, of course, what would be better (and is entirely possible!) is that you’ll walk into options that better suit you!
I learned this lesson myself because I didn’t realize that my unaddressed trauma was actually fueling the flames that made me want to run away from everything. I worked jobs I hated, I kept relationships with people that fed more toxic thoughts & behaviors, and I hated my home because it made me feel crowded and didn’t allow me to decorate it in ways that would’ve made me feel like it was actually mine. I started plugging away at this list by doing all that I could do ‒ I found a job that worked for me, I started creating distance with some friends upon revealing I wanted to clean myself up, and I did the best I could to make my home mine. But when it came time to think more long term, I decided I wanted to take that leap of moving to an area that spoke to my soul ‒ and by that, I mean taking on the journey of finding the “house of my dreams” in an area that made me feel no longer attached to all the negativity of my past.
Sometimes, we don’t realize that when negative circumstances and energy pile up in one area, there’s a trigger that remains no matter how much we heal ourselves. It stays as a reminder, and when this is the case, I’ve found it’s the cause of wanting to start anew elsewhere. THIS is the real reason why we can make a ton of changes, and even become happier, but then rope around back to feeling like we still need to run away.
So when all is said and done, what is it that your gut is telling you about where you should be and what you should do?
I’m not going to lie, this was the exact opposite of what my therapist had advised. But the reality was that once I had done everything I could, mended everything I could mend, and changed everything that was in my capability to change, and I still felt out of place ‒ that’s when I realized that it was purely a message that I needed to listen to. For the record: I don’t regret it one bit, because after being able to say that I honestly tried, and that I did all that I could (including healing from my abusive past), and then acting on the gut feeling that remained.. it became the answer to my prayers.
In the long run, I want to be the one to tell you that only YOU know what you need. We find ourselves in these conflicts because outsiders will be the first to tell you that your train of thought is wrong, that you can’t change, or that you shouldn’t do anything differently “because of ‘X’, ‘Y’, and ‘Z’”. Finding your place in this world, wrapped in your personal happiness, is something that takes a leap of faith ‒ so don’t be afraid to question these urges and seriously ask yourself, “What exactly is it that I want?”.
Ashley Tilson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ashley Tilson is a Master-level multi-modality holistic practitioner that specializes in recovering from childhood trauma based on her own experience overcoming childhood abuse. She offers private online sessions in addition to her program - The Rise of the Phoenixes - which is a progressive, in-depth journey to break free from the past, heal your childhood self, transform your mindset, and begin your new life's story as the uplifted & prosperous person you dream you can become! You may know of her from her external blog, which predates her business and continuously see's 1000+ readers each month; www.EmpathConfessions.com. Ashley invites everyone that wishes to learn more and be introduced to her methods to take part in her FREE 4-Part Webinar Series that's offered through her website.
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