Written by: Charlotte Pineda, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I surrender! A lot of negativity surrounds this declaration. "Failure!" and "Defeat!" come to mind. Descriptors no one I’ve met aspires to.
I’m no exception and spent much of my youth and early adulthood avoiding the shame of surrender. The youngest of seven children, I grew up in a competitive environment, and I hate to lose. I spent much of my life with a smile and clenched fists. Prepared for the fight but hoping for the best.
I saw myself as an island of impenetrable solid rock amid choppy waters. Mistakes meant failure. The only measure of strength was never giving in and fighting to overcome adversity.
These traits have served me well. I’m tenacious and resourceful and am quick to take on new challenges. All attributes I’m proud of and would not change. However, being constantly on guard is physically and mentally exhausting. It drains your power.
Luckily, through life experience and reflection, there’s another definition of surrender that I’ve learned to embrace: Let go. It’s been a process. In my youth, I wore my inability to relax like a badge of honor. Until years later, when a tennis coach remarked, “Who are you attacking with your racket?” Looking at my hands, blood-drained knuckles in a vice-grip around the handle glared back at me.
No wonder every ball I hit slammed out of bounds, like a rocket. If I were being measured by the force and distance of my hit, I’d be at the top of my game. Sadly, that was not the case. My saving grace was despite my clenched fists, somewhere along the way, I learned to use humor to make the most of a bad situation, and I could laugh at myself.
I’d like to say my coach’s comment led to a Zen epiphany. It did not. At least not at first. I refused to let the game get the best of me. I vowed to master my game and trained myself to ease up—to flow like water, as my coach said.
At first, the change was mechanical. But as I got into the flow, something unexpected happened. When I eased up; an overwhelming sense of peace and power came over me. My pounding heartbeat was no longer echoing in my ears—until its absence, I didn’t realize its pervasive reverberation. I experienced clarity, and a voice inside said, “Enough. I surrender.”
This experience was the catalyst for me becoming a coach. I’m a professional development/executive coach, but the fundamentals of athletic coaching are similar. Reflect the truth to help others uncover what’s already within themselves so they can get better. My tennis coach used lighthearted humor to reflect the truth back at me—with compassion, sparking a change in me. A lesson I’ve carried over to my coaching.
If a habit or goal is not serving you well, it’s best to let it go—surrender. Be flexible; flow like water and ride the choppy waves—they will subside. You never know, you might ride them to the top, where a new and brighter horizon awaits you.
As Lau Tzu so wisely said, “Nothing in the world is more flexible and yielding than water. Yet when it attacks the firm and the strong, none can withstand it, because they have no way to change it. So the flexible overcome the adamant, the yielding overcome the forceful.”
To learn more about how coaching can help you or your team find the power in surrender, or if you would like more content like this, please connect with me on LinkedIn, Instagram, and my website.
Charlotte Pineda, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Charlotte Pineda, CPC, CEC helps busy professionals and executives create life-career synergy. Her mission is to help others craft meaningful lives and careers that allow them to live their values. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, Charlotte can help you gain perspective and set realistic boundaries so you can get ahead and stay ahead in your life and career.
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