Written by: Gina Lokken, ICF PCC, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
My pursuit of a perfectly balanced life consumed a lot of my time, money, and energy before I was introduced to life coaching. I reasoned that if I worked hard enough, took the right certification courses, and time-blocked more, I would eventually achieve this ideal life. But I wasn't aware that I was chasing a mirage. I was so busy comparing myself and my life to the world's expectations of who I should be and what my life should look like that I never stopped to reflect on my actual life. To be honest, I didn't even know if the things I was pursuing were my values or if they were just adopted from someone else without even realizing it.
The truth is, when we take on or adopt the beliefs, values, and expectations of others, it's almost always because of this deep, intrinsic need to belong. We fear being alone, misunderstood, left out, or abandoned. In order to belong, we will do almost anything, even if it contradicts who we are at our core.
Life coaching opened up my heart and my mind to the core of who I was and who God created me to be; it helped me shed the worldly idea of "perfect balance" and allowed me to create a whole new way of being. During this process, I found a rhythm that suited me, as well as values and beliefs that I held dear. And this is what finally gave me the freedom to enjoy the ever-changing moments of motherhood and entrepreneurship.
In the last blog of this series (The Work-Life Balance Myth, Part 1), I talked about how the first limiting belief we must move past to pursue a more fulfilling life is to stop comparing ourselves to others. The next limiting belief I want to highlight is to... stop trying so hard to achieve an impossible thing. It will only exhaust you.
Limiting Belief No.2 Trying Too Hard
"If I just try harder, I can have a perfectly balanced life."
Our society today would have you believe that if you just try harder, you'll be able to get the things you want faster. You will be worthy if you do more, achieve more, take on more responsibility, or add another line to your resume. I believed this in my young adult years, and to my dismay, it only caused more imbalance.
Coaching helped me release control of things I never had control of in the first place, including others' choices and behaviors. I felt heard and understood when I was able to confidently say what I needed, set limits, and explain why they were important. My relationships improved because I chose to bring them along with me instead of alienating them or assuming they should know what I needed. "Trying softer" means to lead with love and live with more intentionality and simplicity. So as you head into this week, lean away from the limiting belief of "trying too hard" and lean into this newly expanded belief:
"I can choose to try softer and slow down to enjoy each moment that's gifted to me. I welcome the shifting seasons of my life, and I'm inviting others to see the beauty in theirs."
Personal Rhythm Launching Point
Creating your own personal rhythm will help you live happier, healthier, and more fulfilled.
Choose one action step below today and find your rhythm.
Increase Your Self-Awareness: Take a personal assessment test like CliftonStrengths. Make it a priority to learn about yourself and increase your self-awareness.
Schedule In Reflection Time: Journal regularly. Keep track of how what you've learned about yourself manifests (for better or worse) in your daily tasks and interactions. What's working? What's not? What are you grateful for? What life lessons did you learn? What could you do differently to increase your awareness of yourself and others? What limiting beliefs do you have that hold you back from the life you want to live?
Experiment Freely and Often: Give yourself permission to experiment by creating a new daily or weekly rhythm. Think about what unhealthy or old habits you'd like to replace with better ones and what is manageable in this current season. The big results you're looking for never come from one grand gesture every couple of weeks or months but from consistent small actions every day. What could those be for you?
Gina Lokken, ICF PCC, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Gina is passionate about helping female entrepreneurs, business professionals, and leaders infuse God into their everyday personal and professional lives so that they can become the person He designed them to be. She firmly believes business and faith do not have to be separate, and business does not have to be boring. Gina specializes in strengths-based leadership and team building, creating cultures of joy through neuroscience practices, leadership and communication training, and creative coaching methodologies that propel her client's past what they originally thought was possible!
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