Written by: Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Chapter 1: "Men? they're all scum!"
"Men? They're all scum!" Sound familiar? Come on, admit it. We've all let that phrase slip from our lips at some point. Heck, I've said it more times than I can count.
I could sit you down and spill the beans on all the ways men have messed up my life. The stories would have you agree that maybe, just maybe, all men are indeed scum.
You see, I've been through the wringer of hell. My life's been a mashup of cruel scenes straight from a horror movie. I've taken blow after blow, the kind of hurt that chew at your soul, the kind you wouldn't even want your worst enemy to feel.
I've tasted violence from all angles, stabbed in the back, cheated on, and belittled... These weren't just plot twists in my life story; they were my reality.
Freedom? Pfft! What was that? The way I dressed, the words I spoke, and even the way I glanced at the world was under constant scrutiny.
The barrage of hate and judgment I faced wasn't just echoing around me—it was bouncing off the walls of my mind. I started to question my worth, asking myself, "Am I as useless as they say?"
Trying to piece my life back together was like assembling a 1000-piece puzzle with no picture to guide me. My emotions were a wild, chaotic ride, careening off the tracks at a terrifying speed. I mistook the burning fury inside me for power. But let me tell you, that anger? It sent me way off the map, and it was one hell of a ride getting back on track.
Chapter 2: 'Zero F's given'
That part of my life? Pure, straight-up chaos. The bad kind. All-nighters, wild parties, stupid-as-hell choices. In the thick of it all, I hated every single guy who came my way.
One time, some sleazebag got handsy with me as I walked to the bar. I turned around, "You enjoy that, did ya?" The moron said, "Hell yeah, I did." I saw red. Pure red. I didn't think, just reacted. I grabbed his family jewels, hard. His junk crunched against my knuckles as he barfed his guts out. He got a free ride to the hospital, courtesy of his idiocy.
Those guys who thought they could win me over with a drink? They got a reality check: "Do I look like I need your money? What made you think I wanted you to bug me?" Some cursed at me, and others mumbled apologies. I didn't give a damn about their feelings. I just needed them to know I wasn't a pushover, I wouldn't take their bull, and I wouldn't be played. I was ballsy, but the kind of ballsy that can get you in real hot water.
I was punched square in the face by three different jerks just because I said 'no' while out dancing with my ladies. I won't sugarcoat it; it felt good when other guys stepped in, yanked these losers outside, and served them a plate of their crap.
Chapter 3: The turning point: When it finally clicked
You may guess my messed-up life came from a rough home. But no. I was lucky, raised in a loving family that adopted me and my brother. From the outside, we looked perfect – full of respect and kindness.
Still, I did stuff I wish I could forget. I was in pain, angry, and hurt others. I didn't trust anyone. I had so much pain that I was like a bomb ready to blow up, and I did. My parents lost a lot of sleep because of me. And most of my real friends? They left. I can't blame them.
I thought hurting others would make me feel better. I was wrong. It just made me feel sorry for myself. I thought forgiving those who hurt me was crazy “They didn’t deserve it”. But then I got it: I needed to forgive myself for giving them power over me. This needed to change.
Then came my reason: my son was born on September 11, 2008. He saved me. When another life depends on you, you change. I made a rule: "My past won't be an excuse to mess up this kid's life."
15 years later, I still live by that rule. It's been hard consistent work – therapy, journaling, reflecting and rebuilding my life. Every day, I push myself to be better. I've learned to accept my flaws and build on my superpowers. It's like working out, but with emotions. Am I perfect? Far from it! But I “own my sh*t” every single day!
Chapter 4: "Cracking the victim code: How I changed my life, and you can too"
There was a time I felt like life was always kicking me when I was down. I thought all my issues were because of other people and bad luck. This way of thinking had me stuck, couldn't budge. I hit a real low, and things just kept getting worse.
Something had to change, and it had to start with me. I had to stop feeling like a victim and start thinking differently.
Here's how I did it, and how you can do it too.
The six signs that you might be stuck in the victim mindset
Blaming Others: You always point fingers at others for your problems.
Feeling Trapped: You feel stuck and can't figure a way out.
Only Seeing the Bad Stuff: You're always looking at what's not working.
Not Owning Up: You can't admit that you are part of the problem.
Drama, Drama, Drama: Your life feels like one big crisis.
Feeling Sorry for Yourself: You always feel bad for yourself and make others feel the same.
To get out of this headspace, you need to take charge of yourself and your life. You can make changes and think better thoughts. You need to step up, admit when you're wrong, and fix things.
I've done it, and I'm a better person every single day for it. You can do it too. You're not alone. It is possible to change your life. You just have to start believing you can.
Don’t know where to start? Give my 4-step process a try
Step 1: Forgive and Love Yourself: Let's get real. Keeping grudges only drags you down. My anger was like a monster, eating all my peace and happiness. The change started when I forgave – not others, but myself. This doesn't mean you're okay with what they did. It's about freeing yourself from anger and making room for healing.
Step 2: Take Back Your Story and Purpose: We've all got a story. Mine was full of pain and betrayal. But I wasn't going to let those parts define me because I knew with every “con” comes a “pro”. I started writing a new story, where I wasn't a victim, but a fighter. You're not what happened to you; you're what you choose to be. This is your life, your story. You're in charge. Start writing a new chapter.
Step 3: Use Your Energy to Fuel Your Strength: Anger is like a fire. It can burn you up, or it can push you forward. I chose to move forward. Instead of staying stuck on past hurts, I focused on growth and healing. Find what makes you happy and let it change you.
Remember, changing your life is a journey, not a quick fix. It takes time, patience, and a lot of guts. But trust me, every step you take brings you closer to peace and self-love. You can do it!
Step 4: Use Your Experience to Boost Your Career: People often ask, "How are you successful with all the crap you've been through?" Simple: No work problem is harder than what life has thrown at me. That’s my superpower in business. These experiences have helped me spot opportunities and see growth where others only see problems.
Folks often say, "Business isn't personal," I disagree. Business is about understanding people and nothing is more personal than people. It's about creating a place where people feel safe, seen, heard, and valued.
My past has taught me to have compassion for people and help them reach their potential. I've taken my journey of overcoming hard times and used it in my work life. I've learned to use the tough lessons from my past as strength and creativity at work.
Sure, I mess up. I trip. Every setback is a chance to bounce back. Every failure is a chance to learn and come back stronger. That's my secret sauce. It's not about never falling; it’s about always getting back up.
In the end, the best part of this journey is turning tough times into greatness. It's about using the worst life throws at you to push you forward, in your personal life and your work life. The journey isn't easy, but it's worth it. Every step, every trip, every win is proof of the power of embracing your flaws, being resilient, forgiving, and moving on.
Chapter 5: "You got this! Choose kindness in a rough world"
Look, life's not easy for anyone, and I'm no exception. It's rough, it's real, it's a constant fight. Every day, I'm in the ring, trying to be the best version of myself and inspire others to do the same.
For all the decent people out there, leaders who show kindness and respect, listen up. We often brace ourselves for the mean ones in life, and that's why we build walls. It's not against you, it's for us.
Our walls? They're built to keep us safe, not to shut you out.
To those awesome people who've been there for me, I can't thank you enough. I appreciate your kindness, patience, and for believing in me.
The kicker?
Resenting men was just my camouflage. I've encountered so many issues with women too. It’s not about gender, it’s about people, how they choose to show up and treat others. If you meet someone who seems tough to crack, it's probably their past showing up, not truly the person they want to be. They're just trying to figure out if they can trust you. Be the beacon of light that shows them they can.
If you're feeling stuck, weighed down by being a prisoner of the victim mindset – remember, you have the power to choose a different path. You can break free, take control, and start fresh. Healing doesn't happen overnight, it's a journey. Just please remember, you're not alone. I see you, and I want you to know – you are worth it. Make it a habit, every day, jot this down and say it loud 10 times, "I am kind, I am beautiful, and I Own My Sh*t!!"
In the words of Matthew McConaughey, “Life’s not fair. It never was, isn’t now and won’t ever be. Do not fall into the entitlement trap of feeling like you are a victim. You are not.” This means “Stand tall, rise above, and prove to yourself that you're deserving of the greatness this world has to offer”.
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Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Isabelle LaCroix Vienneau, a certified reinvention practitioner and transformative thought leader, scales people to be ready to transform, perform, and lead with simplicity. Embodying the philosophy of "Real Talk, Bold Walk: No Bull, Just Guts = Impact Multiplier," she excels in driving meaningful change in corporate and contact center environments. As a survivor of domestic abuse, Isabelle proudly raises six children, including five with ADHD and one navigating BPD, schizophrenia, and ODD. Her academic and real-life experiences have shaped her as a natural, resilient change maker. Her mission: less impress, more involved, creating lasting impacts.
