Written by: Lilia Ackerman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In this article I am giving valuable content to help build ravishing relationships.
What is the meaning of relationships
Absence and Spirituality growth
Understanding happiness
The 7 Enlightening Keys to Create an Emotional state of Joy
Meditation
My love story
“From Emotional Scarcity to Emotional Abundance”
Due to life events, at a very young age, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t deserve love. A confirmation of my belief showed up through my unhealthy relationships with others and myself. It is terrifying to see how limiting beliefs can mess up several aspects of your life, preventing you from being truly open to love, relationships, and success in business.
I didn’t realize how quickly one limiting belief could spiral into many more, creating such low self-esteem to the point that my self-value was practically down to zero! For decades they kept me bouncing from one bad place to another; it felt like there was no place for me to drop anchor.
God provides the hope that life will come to assist you when looking for an answer to your troubles. I have to say that it is not always in the way you expect, but rather it shows up in a funny, mysterious, or surprising ways to grab your attention!
In my case life called my attention in a very funny way!
Have you ever heard “The brave lives until the coward rises”? Well, a funny story happened when I was going through a rough patch in my life. One very cold morning I was meditating about what could possibly be standing in the way of my business when out of nowhere, that saying crossed my mind. Part of me wanted to laugh and just ignore it, but surprisingly I found myself going deep into that saying. I believe that it was a way for life to show me the hidden message to take my life to a whole new level. The message was like a white glove slap, soft yet strong enough to shake off every cell of my being. It was clear to see how I was the one that needed to start making personal changes in order to experience new things.
Are you still wondering about the saying? Okay, let me tell you… “The Brave” was my toxicity and limiting beliefs dominating my life, “The Coward” was ME, by not doing anything about it. It wasn’t easy or fun to admit that it was ME that had to face my issues, but my determination to get to the bottom of my issues gave me the needed fuel to press forward.
Through my personal experience, and working with clients, I have noticed that there are three major issues that interfere with creating resilient relationships; they are like guarded fortresses that make it almost impossible to cross them: limiting beliefs, unresolved issues, and personal expectations.
So, the sooner you start on your healing journey, the sooner you will be able to live the abundant joy of life that is waiting for you with open arms. And because I don’t want you to get unexpected surprises, I am laying out the truth about self-healing: it is an uncomfortable and lonely journey. Uncomfortable because most people are programmed to change others, but not to work on themselves. Lonely because you are the decision maker in your personal changes and life adjustments. The outcome of self-healing is endless rewards for the rest of your life!
The meaning of relationships
What is the meaning of relationships? From a Spiritual point of view: “Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in Love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of Peace”
Relationship’s Major Component is the road map to build resilient connections
Relate: To firm, and strength – Strength is synonym of Life – Life is connected to All Mighty.
Relation: Connection, and restoring
Ship: to create, to shape, to make, to carry
Its Latin root is Necessitudo, which means conjunction, union, tie, combination, connection.
In any type of relationship, be it love, family or friendship, it is obvious that there will be mistakes, doubts, or health issues, if you follow the above road map, your relationship will survive in tough times through the strength that you give to each other. Daily restoration will take place by not holding grudges for the mistakes made. The character of each one will be continue shaping by conquering together life issues that arise.
Your relationship success depends on spiritual growth; this has to do with the fact that spirituality is based on Love and Life. It helps you in moments of emotional turmoil by keeping your EGO in check, and you will be pushed to respond naturally through words, thoughts, and actions in a loving way.
On the contrary, when spirituality has been erased from your life, you will feel as if you are lost in the wilderness without a compass. You will find yourself with no sense of direction, gradually ceasing to exist, disconnected from your own self, and from others.
“Your actions, words, or thoughts create Connection or Disconnection It creates problems or solutions” – Lilia Ackerman
Absence of spirituality
Un-forgiveness
Being judgmental
Putting others down
Criticizing
Bullying
Using sarcasm
Being harsh
Putting your expectations on others
Manipulation
Projecting your life experiences on others
Former client’s story: Anita was born in a country where men were in charge of fixing things around the house like a broken door, toilet, or painting walls. From her life experience she assumed that all men do the same, until she married Jeff. Jeff was an office man that didn’t know how to fix anything. If there were any house issues, Jeff called an expert to deal with them. Anita didn’t know why this made her so upset, and argued with Jeff stating that it was a simple problem that could easily be fixed. They got into a big argument when Anita asked him to hang up a painting, and Jeff hired someone to do it. Through our sessions, Anita realized that she was projecting her father, and grandfather who were her role models onto her husband. They are still happily married, and now it is Anita who calls the experts when there is something wrong around the house!
Signs of spiritual growth
Communication
Unconditional love
Respect different life views
Thoughtfulness – Going the extra mile
Trust
Compassionate
Forgiveness
Allow others to be themselves
Accept others for who they are, not what you want them to be. (It is easier to think that others should do, or act as you do, this speaks of inflexibility on your part).
Appreciate small, or big things that others do
Grow together as a family or couple, but also giving each other space to grow as individual people.
Thanks them, even when they are just doing what they are supposed to do.
Know what their limitations are, so you don’t push them beyond their limits.
Pay attention of your intentions behind you do, or say
I think it is important to remember that relationships are not always easy. There will be times when we disagree with our loved ones, and there will be times when we hurt each other. However, if we are willing to work through these challenges, our relationships can become stronger than ever.
“The key to Happiness is Relationships, The key to Relationships is you” – Lilia Ackerman
Understanding Happiness
Temporary Condition vs. Emotional State
Everyone wants happiness, but not everyone is willing to understand its true meaning, because it requires making personal changes. In our modern world what we understand as the meaning of happiness is far from its true origin. The word happiness is a relatively new word from the late 1800’s that came to bury and replace the true meaning of what true happiness is. Its root comes from two words that give the perfect description; Radiant and Simkha. Simkha has a deep meaning because it has a spiritual connection, its meaning is Joy.
Temporary condition – Happiness
Social media, reality shows, and T.V. in general today more than ever have an enormous influence on how our society perceives happiness because almost 80 percent of the population watches TV on any given day (According to data from the American Time Use Survey – ATUS).
Social networks have masked the true meaning of happiness with a superficial, vain version. Unfortunately, people have fallen for this masked version, it is very attractive to the eye and to the chemistry of the body, as it awakens temporary emotions that evaporate as soon as they arrive, creating addiction to external sources like alcohol, pornography, material things, drugs, and/or food. The end results are very detrimental to people's well-being when it comes to obtaining happiness through a material world. This leads to a consumerist, narcissistic and of course dissatisfied society, because the race of pursuing what people perceived as happiness is an endless race.
External sources can lead you not just to depend on things, but also to depend on others for your happiness. External sources are like the light from a lamp, when the light is turned off, you are in darkness. The downside to make your children, partner, or others responsible for your happiness, is emotional scarcity, because you are sucking life out of them and becoming an emotional slave.
Firstly It is a huge burden on others; because no one has the power to make someone else happy. It is a personal choice to be or not to be happy. Secondly, they might be in the same position as you, not knowing the meaning of happiness; consequently they cannot give you what they don’t have. Either party would end with depression issues, resentfulness, and/or blaming each other, frustrated, and/or exhausted. All of the above creates a torrid heat leading to emotional disconnection.
Emotional state – Simkha
Emotional state talks about something more permanent. When you have rejoiced, or have a radiant attitude you can shine your internal light unto others, and unto yourself.
Don’t worry, I am not leaving you without giving you some tools to become light!
The 7 enlightening keys to create an emotional state of joy
Creating your emotional state of happiness is a daily choice.
1. Identify your life purpose. Once you identify it, be in alignment with it.
2. Set your intention to be happy. When you are intentionally looking to be happy, automatically
your creative genie is awakened. The outside sources can’t control you anymore.
3. Control your emotions: When you have the ability to control your emotions you become
emotionally abundant, ending the blame game; no more blaming others for the way you feel.
4. Connect with your spirituality to be in the position to abundantly give.
Be comfortable with yourself
Stay healthy, respect your body
Be more interested on becoming a pure spirit.
Take your eyes away from distractions of the physical body.
Connect on a daily basis with The Almighty
5. Care about the wellbeing of your loved ones.
6. Be an ocean of love. Mastering love leads you to the understanding of the meaning of life.
7. Be truthful, compassionate, peaceful, and joyful to others, and to yourself.
One common denominator on the 7 Keys To an Emotional State is that it all comes from within, completely opposite from Temporary Condition.
Now that you know the difference between Emotional State and Temporary Happiness and the
importance to remember that happiness is a choice, you can choose to focus on the negative things in your life, or you can choose to focus on the positive. The choice is yours!
Meditation
Start exploring your Inner Universe!
My suggestion is: instead of looking for the answers with your mind, search with your heart. Pay attention to what kind of emotions arise from head to toe. These questions are not to be asked once, but several times; you need to give some time to your spiritual awakening. Find a quiet place and give yourself 5, 10, 20 minutes, whatever time you are willing to invest in yourself.
You can close your eyes if you wish, find a comfortable position, away from distractions. If any thoughts come, don’t fight them. Acknowledge them, and let them pass, like a cloud in the sky.
1. Breathing exercise called 7,5,7: Inhale through 7 counts, hold for five counts and exhale for seven counts. It looks like this:
Inhale, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 -
Hold 1,2,3,4,5 -
Exhale 1, 2,3,4,5,6,7
Repeat the cycle 3 times.
While you are breathing, think that this is a divine appointment for you, that there is no other place for you to be, but here.
2. Pondering Questions:
What is my life purpose?
Do I have compassion for other, for myself?
Am I connected to The Almighty?
Do I have peace in my life?
Am I a joyful person?
Who am I?
What is it in me that is alive?
What IS this aliveness?
Can I be still and do nothing?
Am I making others responsible for my happiness?
In my 60-Day program “The Way to Strong Relationship”, we dive deep into the 7 Enlightening Keys to help you to build your “RRR”: Ravishing Resilient Relationships. You will never be the same because your inner Universe will be lighting up and ready to write the best chapter of your life!
Here is the link to my signature program “The Way to Strong Relationships”, and together we can build your Ravishing Relationships!
My next article “Revealing Secrets to Build True Love”
Thank you and I can’t wait to hear from you. In the meantime, I leave you with my favorite mantra
Lilia Ackerman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lilia Ackerman aka "The Truth Digger" knows that to change your world and experience the abundance of life, it is neccessary to make changes and adjustments in your personal life. She gets to the core of your troubles using her education, knowledge of more than twenty years in the Wellness Industry, her gifted intuition, effective strategies, personal experience overcomming unresolved issues, and rising above rejection, sexual and emotional abused, and her Methodology SHIFT.
