Written by: Raeesa Mahomed, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Human beings seem to have a special knack for wanting things to be other than what they are ‒ in the present but also in the past. We ponder about past events that caused us pain or trauma and wished they had never happened, that we had done things differently. And that’s when those words pop up: IF ONLY. ‘If only I had done this instead of that; if only I had thought before speaking or acting; if only I had tried harder’. If only…
Regret and Guilt
These two words can fill you with regret and guilt. We know that everything in the universe, including emotions, vibrate at different frequencies. Guilt is one of the emotions and states of being that vibrate very low and can sink you to depths of depression and agony. It’s like walking through life with an anchor tied to your ankles, dragging you down. It’s the same thing with regret. You will never be able to find inner peace if you are constantly regretting past actions. It will mess up not only your mental health but have a knock on effect on your physical health as well.
You did the best you could at the time
These thoughts and deliberations are pointless because you can’t change what happened in the past. But instead of agonising over that fact, looking at it from a different perspective can bring a better understanding of your actions and allow yourself to let go of your regrets. Understand this: you did the best you could at that time, according to the person you were then, according to where you were in your journey of life, according to the knowledge you had then. You did the best you could under those circumstances. And there had to be times in the past when we knew less, lacked certain positive qualities that we have now or were less equipped in whatever way than we are now. That is what the journey of life is all about. We have to mess up, sometimes badly; we have to fail, in order to learn vital life lessons and in order to grow, learn and develop. It’s part of the human journey.
Yes you did
I have had clients say to me ‘But I didn’t do my best! I was terrible. I hurt my spouse/best friend etc. I could have chosen to be more understanding/kind/compassionate!’ This is the tricky part. It is very easy to use a universal yardstick to judge yourself. But we are not saying that you were the most understanding, kindest, compassionate person to your friend. We are saying that for whatever reason you chose to be a certain way or do certain things at that time for a reason. Maybe you misunderstood the situation, you were having a bad day or you just did not have what it took at the time to respond in a better way. Maybe you just hadn’t grown into the more evolved, better version of yourself that you are now, when you are able to see where you were lacking and how you could have acted differently. So yes, you did the best you could at that time according to who you were then. Understanding and accepting that is enormously liberating and allows you to achieve mental peace. Recognise that the unevolved version of yourself will not even realise that they had done anything wrong.
Accept and forgive
Make peace with whatever happened in the past and move on. Acceptance. That is a very liberating word. Acceptance is an acknowledgement of our human frailties and the vicissitudes of life. It’s being able to let go and forgive ourselves and move forward. It takes us to a place of growth and strength. Beating ourselves up internally makes us miserable and depressed and anxious about the future. It brings down our self-esteem and hinders our ability to achieve any goals because we’re so busy lamenting our actions in the past. And it wrecks our health.
Learn the lessons
The important thing is to learn the lessons from our mistakes and ensure we don’t repeat them. That is how we become better, stronger and wiser people and gain a heightened sense of self-awareness, spiritual awareness and develop character. If things always go our way and if we don’t fail and are not challenged, there will be no need for us to move out of our comfort zones and old programmes. We will not change and grow and that is a pointless existence. After all, we are here on a single quest: To become the best version of ourselves. We cannot do that without making mistakes and failing, sometimes badly. Looking at our failings through this lens changes the narrative and brings about not only forgiveness and acceptance, but growth as well.
Raeesa Mahomed
Transformational Life Coach
Want to learn more from Raeesa? Follow her Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin, and visit her website. You can also email her at info@raeesamahomed.co.za. Read more from Raeesa!
Raeesa Mahomed, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Raeesa Mahomed is a transformational life coach, and her tagline 'Be the best you' aptly describes the results she gets with her clients. Raeesa has helped hundreds of clients remove negative programming from the subconscious mind and take them to a place of positivity and empowerment and, in so doing create the life they want. She comes from a decades-long award-winning international career in radio, TV, and film, and her path to deep self-reflection and life coaching began when she faced a life-threatening illness a few years ago. She now also helps others heal from disease by addressing their emotional health and spirituality. She is also a writer and motivational speaker.
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