Written by: Rob Cook, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It was about 10 am and already a great day. I’d finished my workout, ran errands, and felt good. I’m standing in line to send a package at FedEx. As I began my transaction, I could hear the gentleman behind me express his annoyance with my number of tattoos, so much so that he asked why so many. I say nothing and attempt to continue my transaction. He repeats it. By now, the gentleman and women behind him seem offended. The clerk seemed tense because none of us knew how the experience would go. He said a few more things; by then, I’d had enough. As I turned to speak with bad intentions, I couldn’t think of anything. Nothing sarcastic or threatening because racing through my head so loudly was the thought, “tell him the truth, Rob!”
Before I knew it, truth vomit. I said…the tattoos are because I always feared waking up one day and not knowing who I am; I have a family history of dementia. And so I put significant parts of my life on my body. I pointed to my kids’ birthdays, my favorite scripture, and even the tattoo of scripture where I replaced the word “love” with loyalty because I didn’t know unconditional love existed. The gentleman’s face turned bright red!! He questioned me even harder. Seriously, he screamed. Why are you saying this to me?? Completely lost by his questions, I tell him, “I’m not sure what you mean.” He pauses, gathers a breath, and explains that his wife, of 50+ years, was in the car, and sometimes she wakes up and does not know who him. He continues that the doctors don’t believe there’s anything else they can do to help. He wept. As he did, I saw it. Here’s what I mean: His questions and behaviors meant nothing to me. He wasn’t even upset with me. He was overwhelmed, scared, and felt alone in the fight. By this point, none of his actions seemed personal at all. They seemed like the actions of someone overwhelmed and losing their perceived grip on life. I offered the gentleman a business card to connect and have a conversation. I just wanted to listen to him and let him relieve some of the pressure he faced. I also wanted to let him know he was not alone.
His demeanor adjusted immediately; his face now appeared somewhat disbelieving as he asked, “you would do that for me?”
Yes, I will. Cause someone did it for me.
And that was my first experience of seeing underneath someone’s words and hearing a cry for help.
The gentleman never took me up on the conversation, but reflecting on the encounter, I’d have some insights that would change how I lived my life.
One. We’re all human, get scared or overwhelmed at times, and do things to avoid bad feelings when this happens.
Two. Be kind to yourself and others when you’re in those moments.
Three. Know that underneath most bad behaviors is a cry for help; as best you can, treat them with the respect they can feel and listen to them softly, which will spark healing within them.
Rob Cook, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Rob is a highly respected coach and consultant who inspires self-care, healing and building meaningful lives. He is the founder of Life After Trauma which focuses on finding the balance between mental, physical, and spiritual health to alleviate the adverse effects of trauma-related events. Rob is a retired combat veteran turned transformative coach using the Three Principles, also known as the inside-out understanding, as his guide to help clients overcome traumatic experiences. Rob is an engaging and passionate speaker and consultant who works with start-ups, non-profits, and Fortune 500 companies.
