Written by: McKing Lee, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Let’s face it.
There are so many different theories in psychology about how the mind works and they hold an element of truth, and yet at the same time, there are counter theories
For example, behaviorism defines learning as repetitive actions and behaviors interacting with the environment whereas cognitivism defines learning as processes happening internally in the mind.
Both are quite different in their theory of learning, and we can see some truth in each happening in different context.
It’s like the age-old question of nature versus nurture.
Which is it?
Honestly, I think it’s both, or everything in one way or another.
The question is how we are looking at it, the perspective that we see defines the observations leading to the various respective theories.
Which is also why I thought to share with you how the mind works (according to a hypnotist)
The Basic Frame of The Mind
Simply put, there is a conscious mind and an unconscious mind.
I want you to imagine the conscious mind is like a logical gatekeeper, like you are an adult and you can choose to accept or read what I’m saying (or typing) or you can choose not to.
The unconscious mind is more like an emotional sponge, absorbing and sometimes things can get mixed up in there (more on this later).
What most people don’t know is that there is something which I call a secondary filter.
This secondary filter is in between the conscious and unconscious mind.
Essentially, even if you open the gate to this information that I am sharing, your secondary filter will filter what it can accept into the unconscious mind.
If the filter doesn’t accept, it doesn’t go in, and needless to say, if you don’t want to listen consciously, it doesn’t go in either.
Now you understand the basic frame of an adult mind.
Yes, because the child’s mind is different.
You see, the conscious gatekeeper isn’t really present for a child age 0-7 and the secondary filter isn’t there either.
Some children mentally mature earlier so its 7 when the conscious gatekeeper comes in, others might average at 9 or even as late as 12.
Meaning, below the age of 7, the unconscious mind is wide open and absorbing everything!
All the information that is being absorbed will form the secondary filter.
There is a slight problem.
You see, a child from age 0-7 will naturally interact or observe their parents first (in a standard family example).
And what’s happening is that whatever the parents are saying, choice of words, tonality, their facial expression and emotions, their behaviors and actions, all this is being observed and absorbed by the child!
All this information will form the secondary filter, and each aspect of life will have its own respective filters according to the family it grew up in.
Generally speaking as well, boys will learn from the dad how to be a man, and learn from the mom what to look for in a partner, while girls will learn from the mom how to be a woman, and learn from the dad what to look for in a partner.
Now just think for a moment…
You probably already know or read in some psychological reports that children brought up in abusive families tend to create abusive families themselves.
Same with cheating, violence etc.
And if the family is pretty good throughout, chances are high the child will be good and create a good positive learning family environment in their later years as well.
You see, a child brought up in an abusive family, doesn’t know what is right or wrong.
The logical gatekeeper isn’t there yet, and the information being absorbed could be a number of things, one of which could be “love is beating someone” or “love is being beaten”.
A boy seeing the father beating the mother might end up becoming abusive themselves.
Now you might wonder, hey, won’t they become adults and know better?
Let’s go back to the basic frame and understand a possible outcome for a girl raised in a family where her dad physically abused her mom.
Now, remember, her secondary filter might have the filter that “love is getting beaten” (there could be other possible filters such as “don’t fight back if you get beaten or bullied”, “men are bigger than women”, “I am to blame because I caused this” among other things).
Now, she can consciously want a nice gentleman that will never beat her, that’s fair.
She sees 5 handsome attractive guys and the first guy approach her and he is a nice guy, and will never beat her… her conscious gatekeeper opens up to him but the secondary filter only accepts the idea that “love is getting beaten” and hence she doesn’t fall for him and rejects him.
The second guy approaches her and something about this person indicates that he might beat her, which is accepted by the secondary filter since “love is getting beaten” and she falls for him.
And such a pattern can continue with each relationship or break up.
Look at your past relationships or your friends’ past relationships.
The pattern may not be as obvious as the above example, but you might find a pattern within
It could be physical, psychological, characteristics and so on.
But Wait, There’s More…
I’m just sharing the basic construct for how the mind works, I haven’t gone into specific patterns, or why our issues seem to get worse over time, among other things.
I’ll probably share about those in other articles (I’ve got too much to share).
For now, I’ll briefly explain about hypnosis.
Now a lot of people know of hypnosis as portrayed by media, that’s the traditional style of hypnosis where the subject looks like in a deep trance state similar to sleep.
What I do is a modern style of hypnosis which allows you to be more conscious and still access the unconscious mind.
Weird huh?
Now, look at it this way.
Conscious is logical, which means unconscious can be illogical.
So when we do illogical stuff, it is one way to access the unconscious mind (mild but we can bring it deeper into hypnosis).
The unconscious mind contains our emotions as well.
This also means when we feel an emotion, it’s coming from our unconscious mind (and again I can use this to tap into the unconscious).
Do you realize that imagination (illogical) and emotion are 2 big parts of our lives?
You can imagine what you might be having for a meal later, you might think of a loved one and feel love and happiness.
Those are considered a type of trance!
Mild but this is important.
Because we do it everyday already, it means everyone can be hypnotized.
The huge difference, is that people come to me to resolve an issue.
You can choose (logical gatekeeper) whether you want to solve an issue or not, which also means you can reject hypnosis if you do not want to resolve an issue.
And if you have issues you want to solve, hypnosis is a great way because we are doing it every day so naturally already!
This is just a basic introduction to the mind and hypnosis but hey, if you want to read more, check out my blog on https://leemcking.sg/category/blog/
McKing Lee, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
McKing Lee is a conversational hypnotist, NLP Practitioner, and a student of life. After nearly dying in his sleep when his lung burst for no reason, McKing develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and fell into depression. He subsequently sought his own recovery through learning NLP and hypnosis. Having a unique understanding of how the mind works, he has helped many people with mental and psychological issues, relationship and emotional issues, and interestingly enough, sometimes physical ailments too. McKing was recognized and won APAC SEA Business Awards Hypnotist of the Year 2020, and has been featured in local and overseas media over the years. He aims to help people as effectively as possible, through sharing of knowledge and with the right application of skills.
