Written by: Traci Philips, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“I’m good,” my client responded to the question, “how have you been feeling over the past week?”
Having not received a clear response to the question, I probed.
“Can you further define ‘good’ for me?” I asked.
“Nothing is going wrong right now,” he started slowly.“I’m feeling fine … good. Things are good.”
Again, I probed.
“So, you are telling me ‘how things are’ and what you have said about how you feel about this is that the feeling is ‘fine.’ What is it that you are expressing?”
My client sat quietly for a while.
“I guess, I’m not really saying anything about how I’m feeling because I’m not sure,” he responded finally.
Again, a pause.
He continued, “I’m just now realizing that I don’t spend much time being conscious of my feelings unless I’m feeling something in reaction to highs and lows. When things are not going either really well or really poorly, I see now that I don’t really pay attention to my emotions.”
We both sat silently, letting that epiphany sink in.
Finally, I asked, “so how are you feeling about not knowing how you feel?”
After a moment, he replied. “Kind of weird. Like I’m at a standstill … stuck.”
“Have you witnessed anything in the past week in your life that is stuck or at a standstill?” I asked, simply.
“Well, now that you ask, yes,” he said.“My wife did mention, again on Monday, that I needed to decide what to do with my Mother’s things that we’ve been storing since she passed. They are in an extra room in the house that my wife wants to turn into a guest room. I haven’t wanted to deal with all of it and have been putting it off.”
“Is it emotionally triggering for you to think about getting rid of your mother’s things,” I asked him.
He choked up. “Yes. I don’t want to think about it.”
“Or feel it,” I added, gently.
“Or feel it, he repeated quietly.
Any way we look at it, excusing feelings … whether it’s pushing them aside altogether to avoid experiencing them or not taking the time to look at what’s beneath the emotions we are allowing ourselves to express … keeps us stuck.
A few years ago, I remember discussing the emotional component to clutter with a friend and organizational guru, Barbara Hemphill.
She shared a client story that illustrated a direct correlation between physical clutter and emotional clutter. It also spoke to how we label and focus on the concept of “excuses” as the limiting factor in keeping us from the action.
Barbara was following up with an attendee from one of her presentations who had shared that her focused commitment was to clean all of the clutter out of her garage.
She received the following reply:
“Unfortunately, I have not tackled my action item. I need to get over the feeling of not wanting to be in my garage. In all honesty, I have to stop making excuses.”
Barbara shared that her immediate response was one of sadness.
She said this, “What I know, from over four decades in the business of helping people eliminate clutter of all kinds, is that the major stumbling block is not ‘excuses.’ Most frequently it is the result of two factors: 1) not knowing where to begin and what to do with what they are wanting to organize and 2) the presence of emotions which block them from making the necessary decisions.”
At the end of the day, if we can begin to stop excusing ourselves from looking at what the real issues are that hold us in any place we don’t want to be (emotionally, physically, mentally and even spiritually), then we can realize that what we are dealing with has nothing to do with willpower, but everything to do with empowerment that comes from, first, taking the time to truly see, hear, understand, support and LOVE ourselves … where we are and as we are.
When we point to excuses as the culprit for why we are not attending to things, we are missing the point entirely. That’s like looking at the symptom and treating it like it’s the cause. We also can end up spending more time making excuses (or beating up on ourselves FOR making them) and less time compassionately looking for what it is that is truly keeping us from attending to what we want to work through and accomplish.
As we get closer to the start of a New Year, we will, naturally, begin to think about the changes we want to make. Some of us will start planning and defining our goals. All of this is good, but what I would put up for consideration is to begin with this question.
What do I need to attend to, release, rectify or reconcile first?
What do you have, right now, that needs attention and is causing “clutter” in your life?
Is it stuff, unspoken words, unattended feelings, unanswered questions, certain relationships … what?
Trying to smooth over these things; putting them aside and covering them up with shiny new objects, ideas, plans and goals, is not the answer.
Look at what you have in your life and determine if it truly “sparks joy,” as Marie Kondo would
say. Or, as my friend Barbara suggests, “Ask the question, ‘Does this help me accomplish my
work or enjoy my life?’ If it doesn’t, it’s clutter and clutter is postponed decisions.”
Think about it this way, what is the point of trying to make new resolutions or decisions for the future, when you may have so many others in the present that need your attention?
I, personally, have one intention that I’ll be focusing on in 2022. It’s to be clutter free. This is both internal and external clutter. I, honestly, don’t know how close I’ll get to this by the end of the year, but that’s not really the point. I do commit to getting as far as I possibly can, by taking incremental steps each day. I truly believe that by doing this, I also get closer to the vitality, joy, freedom and sense of flow that I want and seek in life. This is quite a potent driver for me.
What's your driver and how is clutter blocking or slowing it down?
Make a commitment to decreasing the clutter in your life so you can truly experience it the way you deeply desire it to be.
Traci Philips, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As an Executive Leadership & Performance Strategist, Traci Philips supports visionary business owners and corporate executives to learn and practice better communication, resolution strategies, decision-making, and leading during times of change and when the stakes are high. A three-year stint co-facilitating a men's transformational program for industry leaders incarcerated in Federal Prison taught Traci more than she could ever have learned elsewhere about high-stakes leadership and the cost of bad decision-making. This experience fueled a passion in her to help top leaders learn what they needed to know so they wouldn't end up losing what matters most. Her ultimate goal is to support her clients to live authentically and lead powerfully by creating more awareness about who they are, how they want to be seen, and what legacy they want to leave behind. Traci is the co-host of Eavesdrop in the Moment, a bi-weekly podcast that discusses current trends and leadership. Her book, Looking In: Discover, Define and Align the True Value of Your Life, Leadership and Legacy is helping leaders around the globe increase their confidence and self-identity to meet leadership demands and their personal performance potential.
