The Three Most Difficult Topics In Coaching
- Brainz Magazine
- Feb 15, 2023
- 5 min read
Written by: Luca Berni, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Coaching is based on a system of responsibility: the responsibility of the coach regarding the process and the responsibility of the client in defining the desired results and working towards them. Within this system of responsibility, the coach is aware that the client will achieve any desired result, even the apparently most challenging one if he takes full responsibility for its achievement. This paradigm is always valid for all topics within the scope of coaching, which does not deal with situations like pathologies, phobias, or addictions.
However, there are some topics, quite recurrent in Coaching and in "life coaching" particularly, which are very close to the limit of what is legitimate to deal with in a Coaching program and which, in my experience, are the most difficult for an adult to work on.
These topics are mainly three: learning a foreign language, losing weight, and practicing physical activity. These three topics have in common a factor that makes them different from the others: a "physiological" component that is out of the control of the will.
Foreign language
Learning a new foreign language, for an adult, can be a tough challenge. From the normal psychological resistance to change to the fear of judgment, and the fear of being teased or remaining blocked, there is also a physical difficulty. According to a study conducted on 670,000 subjects by MIT and Harvard, it has been demonstrated that to learn a second language and be able to grasp its nuances, one should learn it by the age of 18, even better if before the tenth year of age. This is because the development of the brain leads to a closure of what is called the "linguistic window", which is the moment we have the maximum cerebral predisposition to learning a language. This window can be opened again, but special conditions must exist, for example, a strong need.
Losing weight
Our body has evolved over the millennia to accumulate food supplies. The history of humanity is characterized by surviving in a scarce food environment, which is why our body has been biologically programmed the conservation of all the ingested caloric surplus, mainly in the form of fat. This is the first problem for those who want to lose weight, but it is not the only one. Our brain has a programmed weight to which it tries to automatically bring us back as if it deems it the "right" one. It's called setup and any deviation from this setup generates a physical reaction in the opposite direction. Losing weight, especially sudden weight loss, is interpreted by the body as a disease to which it reacts by slowing down the metabolism and increasing the accumulation of fat. All of this is opposed to the individual's efforts to lose weight.
Physical activity
Everyone knows that doing physical activity is healthy, it improves the quality of life and prevents many diseases. Even moderate activity, like walking for half an hour a day, can make a huge difference. Despite this awareness, many adults lead a sedentary life and find it hard to perform physical activity. Our brain is in fact built to save energy and suffering and tends to reduce or procrastinate all activities that require excessive effort (or that are perceived as such). It seems like a contradiction: our body needs movement, while our mind tends to limit it. It is not, because the human being evolved in an environment that required movement to survive, the mind only had the duty to limit it to avoid incurring physical problems. But today we can live without moving and this has changed this balance of forces and mental limitation has prevailed.
These physiological obstacles put the motivation and perseverance of some people to the test, causing them to give up.
The good news
These are the three most difficult topics, but difficult does not mean impossible at all. Everyday millions of people learn foreign languages, lose weight, and work out, overcoming all obstacles and difficulties, including physical ones. A Coach can go a long way in assisting a Client who faces any of these issues and to improve his effectiveness it is important that he keeps these three points in mind:
1. Have a strong “second-level why”. Motivation is needed to start something and is always related to a "why" to do this thing. But that's not enough. We need at least a "second-level why” for such challenging topics. For example:
a. Coach: “Why is it important for you to learn that language?”
b. Client: “Because I want to feel confident when I speak it”
c. Coach: “And when you feel confident, what will you achieve that is even more important for you?”
d. Client: “Then I will be able to follow my true passion which is traveling.”
In this case, the motivation is not "feeling confident" (first level why), but "following the passion for travel" (second level why). In this case, this is the real basis of motivation, and it is this that the Coach will have to leverage. Of course, a Coach can also explore the third, fourth, or nth-level whys, if necessary.
2. Time is the key. If motivation is needed to start something, constancy is needed to complete it. People are often frightened by long times and by having to produce repetitive efforts for a long period before seeing results and there is the risk that they get discouraged and give up. A Coach must help his Client prevent this by developing a strategy for difficult moments, with questions such as: "when you are tempted to procrastinate or give up, what will you do to overcome that moment and move forward?", or "How will you stay committed?
3. Valuing small results. In the cases we have dealt with, the results obtained are often so small that the Client does not perceive them or tends to ignore them because he is overwhelmed by fatigue. The Coach must constantly bring them back to the Client so that he becomes aware that what he does produces results. This gives the Client new energy to continue his path and get what he wants.
Luca Berni, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Luca Berni is an Executive & Team Coach that works with Leaders, Top Managers, Entrepreneurs, Boards of Directors, and Leadership Teams. Before becoming a Coach in 2009, he worked as a Manager in different Multinational companies in different Countries for almost twenty years. Luca also works as a management consultant, he co-founded and runs TheNCS The Neuroscience Coaching School, and he writes articles and books about Coaching and Management.
