Dr. Solangel is an integrative medicine doctor with extensive experience in alchemical quantum medicine and mental upgrading. She is the founder of Dharmagaia Integrative Medicine and the creator of The Master’s Journey, a transformative online program that has helped hundreds of people.
Let’s explore how our biological conditioning influences our ability to form lasting connections and how to go beyond the biochemical reaction called "Love."
It started with a glance
Sarah wasn’t even looking for love when she met Daniel at a mutual friend’s dinner party. But the moment their eyes met, something clicked. Her heart raced, her palms got a little sweaty, and for some reason, she couldn’t stop smiling. It was like a scene straight out of a rom-com, except, unbeknownst to Sarah, her brain was whipping up a biochemical cocktail powerful enough to rival any Hollywood love story.
Stage 1: The spark, when chemistry takes over
Attraction is nature’s way of getting two people interested in each other, and Sarah was
hooked.
Her brain was flooded with dopamine, the same chemical released when someone wins the lottery or eats their favorite dessert. Everything about Daniel seemed intoxicatingly perfect: his laugh, the way he sipped his coffee, and even the way he tied his shoes. She felt an electrifying thrill fueled by norepinephrine, which made her heart beat faster and her focus razor-sharp.
But here’s the kicker: her serotonin levels were actually dropping, making her obsessively think about Daniel, replaying every conversation in her mind. It wasn’t magic; it was her brain acting like an infatuation-fueled DJ, looping the same love song on repeat.
Little did she know, Daniel was feeling the exact same thing.
Things were working out for them; they felt like they were served the world on a platter, and their chemistry attracted a whole set of seemingly magical experiences.
Stage 2: Love that "looks right" when we see what we want to see
Fast forward a few weeks, and Sarah and Daniel were officially a couple. Everything felt like a fairytale, but something interesting was happening behind the scenes in their brains.
Dopamine was still running the show, but now oxytocin, the bonding hormone, was starting to make an appearance. Every hug, every deep conversation, every brush of his hand against hers released more of this trust-building chemical.
But love at this stage, both of them were still wrapped up in idealization, seeing the best version of each other, ignoring the fears creeping up, the preconditioning, as they both felt quite good and wanted to keep believing that this feeling would last forever and that they have found what they were looking for in each other.
The RAS (Reticular Activating System) plays an important role here, filtering the information received by the brain based on preconditioning and past experiences, often mimicking a fleeting attraction for true love or a potential long-term relationship as
unsafe. Learn more
Stage 3: The subconscious bell, to feel or not to feel
Three months in, Sarah and Daniel hit their first rough patch. The honeymoon phase was fading, and real-life challenges were creeping in. Dopamine seems to be fading even though they tried to recreate more experiences to maintain the initial rush.
Sarah now started noticing things about Daniel that annoyed her, such as his tendency to leave dishes in the sink, the way he got quiet when he was upset, and his habit of answering texts a little too late. She felt like she could not be herself and that he was not listening. Daniel started feeling trapped. Was she trying to control him? Was he settling? Was it infatuation?
One night, after a stressful day at work, Sarah snapped at Daniel. He got defensive. One argument led to another, and suddenly, they weren’t speaking.
Enter cortisol, the stress hormone. It surged through both their bodies, triggering their fight-or-flight response. Sarah wanted to walk away. Daniel wanted to shut down.
This was the real test.
Would their brains reinforce trust and repair, or would resentment start building?
Intermission, the trio within every relationship
I believe it was Jat Shetty who talked about the trio. What happens next depends entirely on these three dynamics:
The relationship you have with yourself.
The relationship your partner has with themselves.
The relationship you share together.
Each of these must be nurtured for the relationship to thrive.
Our brains are wired to seek dopamine rushes from familiar patterns. This is why many people unconsciously repeat relationship dynamics they experienced in childhood (yes, even when they were not so good). Understanding these patterns helps us break free from autopilot behaviors and build relationships based on conscious choice rather than past conditioning.
Related article: How conditioning plays a significant part in creating our reality
Feeling “familiar” with someone does not always mean they are the right partner; it may simply mean they fit into your conditioned experiences. Either way, choosing to love and reverse engineer will always give you invaluable feedback on your own point of attraction and your subconscious patterns of thought. True love starts with self-love and requires honest self-reflection, recognizing unhealthy patterns, and making intentional decisions about how you love.
Related article How To Reverse Engineer Your Life
Your ability to love is directly related to how much you love yourself. When you know your needs and how they can be met, and you have done the work to be emotionally fit, you can engage in interdependent relationships by preference and conscious choice.
This awareness and self-work allow people to love the best because they set and enforce boundaries, they can communicate their needs, and they can self-regulate when they identify a trigger. When you can face your beliefs, conditioning, and fears and self-correct, you share a way to relate based on common goals, shared interests, and wanting to be with each other not for validation but as an expression of who you truly are.
At the crossroads
Let's review two of the many potential endings to our story.
1. Back to square one, it's me, hi! I'm the problem it's me
Their brain’s primary stress chemicals spiked have them feeling good while sharing physical chemistry through vasopressin and warm emotions but enforcing a sense of feeling trapped, unheard, unseen, and insecure, unable to build bridges, creating a gap in the way they could honestly communicate and be vulnerable- authentic with each other.
Dopamine craving crept in; Sarah felt the need for new adventures, seeking validation and reassurance, while Daniel felt the need to shut down and immerse in his work.
The rain poured heavily the night Sarah and Daniel ended things. Words they didn’t mean cut through the silence; their conditioning turned off the voice of their higher selves, and their wounds made them unable to stop and reflect. Love was never the problem they were. But neither of them saw it then.
Years passed. They grew in separate directions, faced heartbreaks, healed wounds, and learned the lessons they once resisted. Sarah confronted her fears of abandonment;
Daniel learned to communicate instead of shutting down. They became the people they once needed each other to be.
Then, fate or maybe the law of attraction brought them back together.
It was at a coffee shop, of all places. A casual glance turned into a double take. The air between them was different, lighter, not weighed down by old resentments but lifted by the wisdom of time.
“You look. Happy,” he said, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He felt a longing; he had so many relationships after her that he found himself still looking for that unattainable safety.
“I am,” she replied. “And you, you feel different.” She had a glimpse of all the years she spent focusing on her career and the feeling of what could have been after seeing many faces and experiencing the same ending.
2. Deepening intimacy, the love that lasts
They sat. Talked. Laughed. And in that moment, they both realized something profound:
They had always been perfect for each other. They had just met before they knew how to truly love. They are each other's mirrors, and through that awareness, they could look within and change those things that were taking them to recreate the old stories.
Related article: Identify your default mode and break free from repetitive patterns
Years later, Sarah and Daniel sat on their porch, watching the sunset. The fireworks of their early romance had faded, but something even better had taken its place: a secure, lasting partnership, interdependency, and preference for each other's company.
Oxytocin and vasopressin became their brain’s primary love chemicals, reinforcing trust, loyalty, and commitment. Endorphins kept them feeling happy and at peace with each other.
Sure, dopamine still made occasional appearances, like when Daniel surprised Sarah with an unexpected gift or when they laughed until their stomachs hurt, but it was no longer about chasing highs. It was about something deeper: a love that didn’t need constant validation but rather one that thrived on mutual respect, a built feeling to call home, shared and interdependent lives, and a preference for choosing each other.
And that’s the real secret recipe.
The next time you feel the rush of new love, remember: it’s not just fate or magic; it’s your brain and chemistry at work. If you want love to last, you have to go beyond chemistry.
You must be willing to self-reflect, grow, and show up for yourself before you can be with another.
True love isn’t just about feeling something powerful;l it’s about seeing your reflection in the mirror. Each relationship you have gives you immense opportunity for self-reflection. Some relationships last 2 days, others 20 years; what you get from the interaction and the trio dynamic is the best feedback you can obtain to expand and break free, to build a new, fulfilled life.
*Do you wonder why, after the honeymoon phase, the world seems to get back to normal after you were able to manifest so many things and encounter so many synchronicities? That is the law of attraction at its best. Stay tuned for my next article to learn how to harness this quantum energy to make it last.
Start your true love journey today
You get to be your own Valentine and Love yourself deeply.
If you are ready to transform your life, remove old conditioning, and set a completely new emotional imprint at the subconscious level, schedule an online appointment here.
Read more from Dr. Mariana Solangel
Dr. Mariana Solangel, Medical Doctor Transformational Expert
Dr. Solangel is an integrative medicine doctor who is a leader in biohacking. Her gift for seeing the unseen allows her to offer a unique set of techniques using the power of self-exploration, mental upgrading, and self-transformation. Her flagship program, The Master’s Journey, facilitates profound, long-term shifts that assist individuals toward their next level of wellness and personal growth.
