Written by: Allison Castle, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we want something, there tends to be an expectation of how we will feel when we have it. There is an expectation that it will make our life happier or better in some way.
But, what if we get the thing we want but don’t feel the joy, excitement, or accomplishment we expect?
Have you ever experienced that? Achieving the dream or desire but the expected feeling or betterment of our life doesn’t happen.
That leads me to think that the dream or desire wasn’t really the thing we wanted. Maybe it was just the thing we thought we wanted because we are following some sort of societal expectation or standard. Maybe we wanted it because we saw someone else who had accomplished or acquired that same thing and their life looked better than ours in some way. So how do we know if the thing we want is really our desire?
Have you ever taken the time to really consider why you want what you want? I love to explore the root cause in all things. To dig deeper than just why. The why beneath the why.
I invite you to think about a goal you have, something you want. Do you know how you came to want it? When did you make that decision? Has it been something you have been dreaming about for a while?
Now I want you to think about how you will feel when you have that thing or accomplish that goal. Will the end result make you happier, more successful? Do you picture your life being better in some way?
As you reflect on those questions you might notice there are many layers and you may uncover some interesting information about yourself and the root of your true desires.
Let’s consider a couple of hypothetical situations to dig into layers of “Why”:
Client A wants to lose 10 pounds.
“What is important about losing 10 pounds?”
Then Client A will look good in a swimsuit.
“What will looking good in a swimsuit do for you?”
Then Client A will feel confident in their body.
“What will feeling confident in your body do for you?”
Then Client A will feel sexy again
“How will your life look different when you feel sexy again?”
Then Client A’s partner will find them more attractive
“How will your life look different when your partner finds you more attractive?”
Then Client A will have a closer relationship with their partner
“What is important about having a closer relationship with your partner?”
Client A will be happier.
Client B wants to get an MBA
“What is important about getting an MBA?”
Getting an MBA will prove Client B’s qualifications and abilities
“What will proving your qualifications and abilities do for you?”
Proving qualifications and abilities will get Client B a promotion
“What will having a promotion do for you?”
Then Client B will get a raise
“How will life look different when you have a raise?”
Then Client B will be able to afford to buy house in the “best neighborhood”
“How will life look different when you buy a house in the “best neighborhood”?”
Then Client B will feel like they belong to the right crowd
“What is important about belonging to the right crowd?”
Client B will feel successful.
In these hypothetical examples, it is easy to see that the root of the desire comes down to a feeling. When you reach a feeling when digging deeper into the why beneath the why you know you have hit something important.
That feeling at the root of the want is what the dream or desire is really about. So, it may not be surprising if Client A and Client B may not feel like they hoped from losing 10 pounds and getting an MBA.
By getting to the why beneath the why Client A and Client B will have a better understanding of their expected feelings and the process it may take to get there. This provides motivation if the process feels right or the opportunity to look for another method to arrive at the desired root feeling.
The decisions we make about the goals we pursue and the dreams we have always come back to how we want to feel when we have those things. Taking the time to understand the deeper “Why” provides clarity about what we REALLY want. That is the Power of Why.
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Allison Castle, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Allison Castle is a Mastery Certified Transformational Coach, Meditation Teacher, and Certified Public Accountant. After years of following the "expected path," chasing the traditional standards of success, and coming up short on feeling successful or fulfilled, Allison created her Life Alignment Coaching Program to help women stop waiting until they reach that milestone (number on a scale, job title, income level, etc.) to finally find the feeling of fulfillment and success that they have been working so hard for. Her mission: Don't wait for the destination. Enjoy the Journey!
