Written by Shayne Swift, ADHD Coach
Shayne Swift is the founder of Swift Lyfe Coaching and Consulting, specializing in ADHD coaching and personal development. Diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, Shayne combines lived experience with professional expertise to empower individuals, particularly within communities of color, to navigate their unique challenges and achieve their goals.
Women with ADHD often navigate life under immense pressure, juggling careers, relationships, and family responsibilities while battling societal expectations. This relentless pace can lead to overcommitment, chronic stress, and self-neglect. For women with ADHD, saying "no" is more than just setting boundaries, it’s a vital step toward preserving health, energy, and well-being.
Why "No" matters more than ever for women with ADHD
For women with ADHD, life often feels like an endless juggling act. The pressure to manage careers, relationships, families, and societal expectations can create a perfect storm of overcommitment, stress, and self-neglect. Now, more than ever, women with ADHD need to embrace the transformative power of "no."
Research shows that women with ADHD are not only more likely to be underdiagnosed but also face significant health risks, including a shorter life expectancy linked to chronic stress and untreated symptoms (NPR, 2025). Coupled with the mental load of invisible cognitive labor, saying "no" is no longer just a boundary, it’s a health imperative.
ADHD and mental load: A perfect storm
ADHD in women, coupled with the challenges of the mental load, creates a unique intersection that often intensifies daily struggles. These overlapping challenges highlight why learning to say "no" is crucial for protecting mental and physical health.
ADHD in women
Women with ADHD often experience their symptoms differently from men, frequently going undiagnosed until adulthood. Key characteristics include:
Inattentiveness: Forgetting tasks, zoning out during conversations, or misplacing items.
Emotional dysregulation: Heightened sensitivity to criticism or emotional overwhelm.
Hyperfocus and overcommitment: Juggling too many tasks due to difficulty saying no or a drive to overcompensate for perceived shortcomings.
Because societal expectations often place a heavier burden on women to manage household and family needs, their ADHD challenges are compounded, making boundary-setting even more vital.
The mental load
The mental load refers to the invisible, cognitive labor of organizing, remembering, and managing family and household responsibilities. Women often bear the brunt of this labor, which can exacerbate ADHD symptoms:
Overwhelm: ADHD already makes it hard to prioritize tasks; the mental load adds layers of complexity.
Decision fatigue: Constantly making decisions (big or small) can exhaust cognitive resources.
Feeling "on call": The expectation to always be mentally available can drain emotional energy.
By saying "no" to unnecessary or misaligned commitments, women can reduce this invisible burden and create space for their own needs.
The health risks of "yes"
Saying "yes" too often can have significant health consequences for women with ADHD. Chronic stress from overcommitment and lack of boundaries is a leading contributor to anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular issues (Women’s Health, 2024). Additionally, research shows that untreated ADHD correlates with a shorter life expectancy due to health risks and impulsive behaviors (NPR, 2025).
Learning to say "no" is not just a matter of managing time, it’s an act of prioritizing well-being and longevity.
Strategies for embracing the power of "no"
ADHD-specific strategies
Medication review: If you’re taking ADHD medication, work with your doctor to adjust dosages if hormonal changes affect its efficacy.
External supports: Use planners, task apps, or sticky notes to track daily to-dos.
Simplify routines: Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and focus on consistency over perfection.
Addressing the mental load
Delegate tasks: Share responsibilities with family or hire help where possible.
Set boundaries: Learn to say no and protect your time.
Use a shared calendar: Digital calendars can distribute planning responsibilities among family members.
Emotional support
Therapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help manage stress, emotional regulation, and self-esteem.
Coaching: ADHD-specific life coaching can assist with structuring routines and setting priorities.
Support groups: Connect with other women managing ADHD for shared tips and encouragement.
Advocate for yourself
Women in this intersection often feel overlooked by healthcare providers. Advocate for a comprehensive treatment plan that acknowledges ADHD. For example:
Seek an ADHD-informed OB/GYN.
Seek an ADHD-informed General Practitioner.
Ask for referrals to ADHD specialists if you feel your current care isn’t sufficient.
The ripple effect of saying "no"
When women with ADHD learn to say "no," the benefits extend far beyond their personal lives:
Improved health: Reduced stress leads to better mental and physical health outcomes.
Stronger relationships: Clear boundaries foster trust and respect in both personal and professional relationships.
Enhanced productivity: Focusing on meaningful commitments boosts efficiency and fulfillment.
A compassionate reminder
Saying "no" isn’t about rejection; it’s about self-preservation. ADHD, the mental load, and the delicate dance of hormones create a unique and challenging intersection, but with the right tools and boundaries, women can thrive. Prioritize self-care, simplify what you can, and don’t hesitate to seek help. You deserve support and strategies tailored to your unique needs.
A call to action
Saying "no" is not just about protecting your time; it’s about safeguarding your health, energy, and future. For women with ADHD, it’s a critical skill that can make the difference between surviving and thriving.
At Swift Lyfe Coaching and Consulting, we specialize in helping women with ADHD embrace their strengths, set boundaries, and lead empowered lives. Remember, ADHD isn’t a flaw; it’s a unique operating system. By learning to say "no," you’re taking the first step toward mastering it.
Read more from Shayne Swift
Shayne Swift, ADHD Coach
Shayne Swift is the founder of Swift Lyfe Coaching and Consulting, where she specializes in ADHD coaching and personal development. Diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, she blends lived experience with professional expertise to help individuals navigate their challenges, particularly in communities of color. With a background in education and life coaching, Shayne has a strong commitment to dismantling the stigma surrounding ADHD and empowering others to thrive. Through Swift Lyfe, she provides clients with the support and tools to achieve balance, success, and fulfillment in their lives.
References:
Bruneau, M. (2024). The double life of ADHD women: High achievement, hidden struggles. Forbes. Retrieved from Forbes
Women’s Health UK. (2024). ADHD and life expectancy: The hidden risks. Women’s Health Magazine. Retrieved from Women’s Health
ADDitude Editors. (2025). ADHD in women: Misunderstood symptoms and treatment.
ADDitude Magazine. Retrieved from ADDitude
National Public Radio (NPR). (2025). ADHD research: Shorter life expectancy linked to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. NPR. Retrieved from NPR
