Written by: Claire Thomas, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We live in a busy, fast-paced, constantly on-the-go world. We are all human and even the most ambitious, organised people can overreact.
This article delves straight into how you can regain control in challenging situations.
Learn how to identify overreactions while mastering the powerful and beautifully simple technique of pausing. Why? Because pausing will empower you and provide you with more balance in your life.
Am I overreacting? Recognising the signs
It may seem like an obvious question, but where do you draw the line between a normal reaction and overreaction? If your reaction is justified, is it really an overreaction?
Humans have an innate fight, flight or freeze response to stressful situations that dates back to times when our ancestors faced dangerous animals when hunting. We respond to the situation on a physical (e.g., tight jaw, clenched fists), emotional (e.g., anger) or physiological (e.g., red face, tears, sweaty palms) level. These are all ways your body lets you know that you are in a “threatening” situation. But these indications were designed to be momentary, so you could make a life-saving decision in the moment. They were not designed to linger…
A great analogy is the hot stove. If you put your hand on a hot stove, you instantly remove it. Consider that anything longer than this reaction could be an overreaction.
Pausing: The ultimate solution for overreacting
Taking a pause is THE ultimate solution to overreacting.
Viktor Frankl, author of “Man’s Search for Meaning” (a thoroughly good read I must add) is credited with the following quote:
“Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
This quote literally stopped me in my tracks when I first heard it as it beautifully encapsulates the power of pausing.
I see this space, between stimulus and response as devoid of time. Like the scenes in “The Matrix” or “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” when the “Bullet time” technique is used. Time is suspended and we can detach ourselves from being IN the situation to being EXTERNAL to the situation, allowing us to see different perspectives and explore our options.
In that moment we can ask ourselves not why are THEY reacting in this way, but why AM I reacting in this way?
The answer to this question is always an internal one. The “stimulus” has triggered a memory, often from our early childhood, when we felt unsafe. An event when we made a decision about who we have to be in this world to be safe; to survive. As we get older these automatic responses stop serving us, but they are hard-wired into our brains – so our “response” is the same as it has always been – for every situation that our bodies perceive is the same situation.
The power of the pause is that it gives you the time and space to discount the outdated belief or response and rewrite your neural pathways with an empowered response that comes from your heart; where compassion and kindness reside.
It sounds impossible that a pause could help you to achieve all of this. But it really can. Sure, at first it can take more than a moment. It might not even happen in the moment, but later. However, the more you practice pausing the more powerful your pauses will become.
Mastering the art of pausing: Techniques to control overreactions
So, you’ve bought into the idea of the Power of Pausing, but how do you learn to pause when you start to notice that you are overeacting to a particular situation or circumstance?
Connect with your breath
As soon as you notice that you are overreacting, take a deep breath. Just one, big, deep breath. That’s all it takes – most of the time. One breath allows you to create some space. It calms the nervous system and interrupts your automatic unconscious response. It gives you a moment of awareness and a chance to choose a different response.
Use an anchoring technique
Neuro-linguistic programming, NLP, uses a technique called anchoring to recall or re-activate an “anchored state” by reapplying a defined gesture, touch or sound.
As a Certified Positive Intelligence Coach (see Positive Intelligence), I often use the simple technique of rubbing your thumb and forefinger together with so much attention that you can feel the ridges of your fingerprints. The attention that this takes brings you into the moment and gives you the power of that pause, lowering your reaction.
What I love most about this technique is how discrete it is. Whether you are in a meeting, talking to a friend or colleague, or driving your car you can turn to this technique. But most importantly for it to really work you need to practice it regularly – not just at the point of overreacting. You can practice this technique whenever you want!
Develop a pausing habit
Don’t wait to be pushed to the point of overreaction. Practice taking time to pause before you answer questions or make decisions. Use any opportunity you can to develop the power of pausing. The more embedded your pausing habit becomes the more likely you are to be able to draw on it in a moment of potential overreaction.
And an additional side benefit is that you will start to notice how powerful all your decisions become.
Notice your feelings and emotions
The key to pausing is being able to recognise your feelings and emotions as they start to surface. The next time you overreact, or you see someone else overreacting, see if you can label your emotions or your feelings. Notice any physiological symptoms, like a pounding heart, quick breathing, tightness in your chest. Make a note of these signs – ideally write them down so you don’t forget. You will start to build up a picture of your typical reactions.
Practice self-reflection and self-compassion
See every overreaction as an opportunity for self-reflection and self-compassion. Don’t beat yourself up for overreacting. Instead take a moment to revisit the situation or circumstance. Make a note of your feelings and emotions. Make a note of the thoughts running through your head before, during and after your overreaction. Dig deeper and consider why you might have responded this way. Remember the answers to these questions are about you, not about the other person. This may be one of the hardest lessons in life.
For further insight into why you may be overreacting refer this article: Unlocking Your Full Potential: Conquering Self-Sabotage for Success.
If you are interested in learning these techniques and implementing them so you can stop overreacting, find the power in pausing and have more balance in your life then read more about my Mental Fitness Programme here.
A path to finding more balance in your life
The power of pausing offers incredible transformative benefits, empowering us to regain control and find balance in a fast-paced world. By recognising overreactions and embracing pausing techniques, we gain the freedom to choose thoughtful responses.
For further reading on leading a more balance life refer to my previous article: Finding Harmony: 5 Tips for Achieving a Balanced Life.
As we master the techniques of pausing, we find the ability to create space for self-awareness and compassion. Simple practices, such as taking a deep breath or using anchoring techniques, enable us to interrupt automatic responses and foster a more mindful approach. We become better equipped to draw on this empowering tool in challenging moments, increasing the impact of our decisions.
Embrace every overreaction as an opportunity for growth. By understanding the root causes of our responses and acknowledging our emotions without judgment, we pave the way for personal development and emotional empowerment – a path to reaching our best.
If you would like to know more about how you can stop overreacting and master the power of pausing then take a look at the powerful Mental Fitness Programme that I offer my clients. You can register your interest in the next programme here.
Claire Thomas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
After years of being all things to all people, saying Yes, feeling disempowered and unfulfilled, Claire stepped outside of her comfort zone and started her company, Reaching My Best. Drawing on her experience it’s her mission to help aspiring female entrepreneurs have the confidence to find balance, fulfilment and purpose in their lives so they can keep everyone, including themselves happy. Claire draws on coaching, mentoring and mindfulness techniques to help her clients reawaken their unique power. Claire and her husband Hamish have two daughters, Ruby and Isla. When she’s not working she enjoys reupholstering chairs, learning new creative skills and listening to books and podcasts.
