Written by: Jennifer Wren Tolo, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In the fast-paced world of high-achieving women, pursuing success often comes with a relentless drive to do it all. The mindset of independence and self-sufficiency has been a guiding force, propelling countless women to remarkable heights. However, amidst the hustle and bustle, it's crucial to recognize the transformative power of letting go and allowing others to support you along your journey. The intention of the article is to bring awareness to the benefit of learning to let go of control, of belief systems that no longer serve you, and of trying to prove how strong and capable you are. When you do this, you can begin to embrace help.
A key aspect of change and transformation is the awareness of the habits, thoughts, and patterns women who are trying to do and have it all cling to, yet they would benefit from letting go of as they do not serve their greatest good. Accepting that even though you are a strong, independent woman, allowing yourself to be supported and nurtured by others can be a powerful form of self-care.
I am a strong, independent woman capable of doing and enduring many things. All my life, I have received affirmation for being strong, for taking care of others, and for being so steady and calm in the face of chaos. But, what I have come to realize in all my years of perseverance and putting out fires is that I am strong and capable. However, I do not want always to have to be. As a nurturer and someone others come to for help, I need to be supported and cared for as well.
The critical factor in being cared for and supported is allowing yourself to let go and receive. This is not so easy as a giver and as a person who is used to being independent.
Are you better at giving or receiving?
After over twenty years of wanting to have a breast reduction, I finally decided to take the plunge and meet with a plastic surgeon. I had excuse after excuse as to why I hadn’t gone ahead with this in the past; first, I wanted to wait until I was done having children, then I wanted to wait until my kids were more independent. The most considerable hesitation in having the surgery was, when was I ever going to be able to take six weeks off from all my doing to recover?
My kids are all grown, and I have been letting go of control and opening up to taking care of myself and my needs. Now, the biggest issue was practicing what I preach.
I went ahead with the surgery and continued practicing letting go of control and allowing myself to be taken care of by my husband and four boys. After all, I have been caring for them for over twenty-five years. I have come to realize being vulnerable and relying on others is hard. It brings up a feeling of vulnerability. Yet, as Brene Brown discussed in her TED Talk, there is Power in Vulnerability. It strengthens relationships with others and yourself and can be a powerful tool to help with letting go of control, expectations, and resistance to change.
The letting go moments
There is no more significant teaching and self-reflective moment than when you are forced to let go of control and let others help you when you physically cannot do for yourself. These are genuinely vulnerable moments that require trust, realistic expectations, and perspective.
This meant:
Letting go of how the dishes were loaded in the dishwasher the “right way.”
I let go of having things done in my time frame and in a specific way.
Letting go of the guilt of having people take time to do things for me.
Letting go of the strong superwoman persona, even just for a bit.
Letting go of not wanting to bother anyone.
Letting go of resisting vulnerability and relying on others to do things I “should” be able to do.
When we let go of being the one who does it all and takes care of everything and begin to delegate and allow people to step in and help, not only does it free up our time and energy to focus on something more important, (like my healing and recovery), but it allows others to gain perspective and appreciation for all that you do.
We must remind ourselves that even a Superwoman needs to take breaks, refuel, and sometimes ask her superhero friends to help. It doesn’t make us weak; it helps us show up even more potent, refueled, and rejuvenated while simultaneously fueling those who supported us.
The myth of superwomen
High-achieving women are often seen as modern-day superheroes, juggling careers, families, and personal pursuits effortlessly. However, the expectation to excel in every aspect of life can lead to burnout and exhaustion, not to mention a lack of contentment or connection with their lives. It's essential to dispel the myth of the superwoman and acknowledge that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to strength and wisdom. For women to show up as our best selves, we can’t be spread thin or distracted by multitasking. To be dialed into what is important to us, we must learn to let go of perfection, pleasing people, and having to be the ones to do it all. Then, and only then, will we have the focus and attention to show up energized and fully present for the things that truly matter to us.
Delegating for success
Delegating tasks, whether at work or at home, is not about relinquishing control but about optimizing resources. High-achieving women can achieve even greater heights by focusing on their strengths and interests and entrusting others with tasks that a collaborative effort can better handle. Delegating empowers leaders to concentrate on strategic thinking, impactful decision-making, and optimizing time and energy. The best, most soul-aligned decisions are made when you are calm and focused and balance intuition and logic. This state cannot be achieved when you feel overextended and overwhelmed.
Building a support system
Cultivating a support system is not just about lightening the workload; it's about creating a network of individuals who share common goals and values. It’s about connecting with others and bonding over shared experiences and goals. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community provides emotional sustenance, fostering resilience and a sense of belonging. Whether it's a mentor, colleague, family member, or a community coming together for a cause, the power of connection and shared give-and-take support can help keep us going, especially when our energy and motivation wane.
The art of saying no
High-achieving women often find it challenging to decline additional responsibilities, fearing it may be perceived as a lack of commitment. However, the ability to say no is a crucial aspect of self-care. Recognizing your limits and setting boundaries is empowering and essential for maintaining a healthy work-life balance. It is one of the most challenging things to do for many service-centered women. I created my Power of NO guide to help overextended superwomen reclaim their time and energy. In it, I offer five ways to say no gracefully, as so often, saying no to others is saying yes to taking care of yourself.
Mindfulness and self-reflection
Embracing help requires a mindful approach to self-reflection. Understanding your values, priorities, and personal goals lets you decide when and where to seek assistance. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, and self-reflection, can aid in developing a deeper understanding of your needs and desires. The time in your life where you have the most power and control is in the present moment, yet we spend countless hours distracted, focusing on future outcomes or past failures and experiences, times we have no control over. Your choices in the present moment are what impact your future. Ideally, your past experiences inform your choices in the here and now. This is where mindfulness, paying attention to experiences in the present moment without judgment, and self-reflection become valuable tools that impact you in the now and influence your future- now that’s power!
As we approach the end of the year, NOW is the time to declutter your mind and energy and make room for new thoughts, opportunities, and possibilities. Now is the time to practice letting go and caring for yourself emotionally, physically, energetically, and spiritually.
Questions for reflection and letting go.
What are the thoughts, stories, and habits keeping you “stuck” in the past or draining you of time, energy, and joy?
What do you WANT for your life?
How do you want to feel?
What do you want to have, be, and do?
To create space for what you want, you must let go of what no longer serves you with the awareness of the things blocking you from moving forward, growing, and being open to new possibilities.
As you enter the new year, I invite you to write what you are ready to let go of on a piece of paper. On another piece of paper or in a journal, list what you want more of, to have, feel, or do. With clear intentions of letting go to make room for the new way of being and feeling you envision, (safely) put a flame to the paper with the things you are releasing and watch the paper burn as you open to new energy and possibilities.
In pursuing happiness and success in the various aspects of life, high-achieving women must recognize that letting go and embracing help are not signs of weakness but strategic moves toward ongoing health and happiness. By building a support system, delegating effectively, and practicing self-reflection, women can elevate their well-being and feel more energized, connected, and fulfilled. The power of letting go is a profound form of self-care that transforms the journey toward success into a fulfilling and balanced endeavor, particularly when you allow it to unfold moment by moment, embracing each decisive step.
If this resonates with you and you would like to learn to let go of control a bit more, delegate, and ask for help, or if you want to improve your relationship with others and yourself, I can help. I help overextended, high-achieving superwomen reclaim their time and energy. I empower them with simple strategies to find more calm in the chaos of life so they can have better focus, presence, and purpose and have better health and happiness. Schedule a FREE 30-minute Clarity call with me today!
For a quick digital guide to help you shift your mindset from negative to positive in five minutes or less, grab my FREE Simple Shift guide now.
If you would like more tools in your toolbox, more clarity, and support for finding the right path for you to move forward and take back control of your health and happiness, follow Jennifer Wren Tolo on Instagram, or Facebook, TikTok LinkedIn, YouTube, and visit my website for more info!
Jennifer Wren Tolo, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jennifer Wren Tolo, RN, is a whole health educator, a leading transformation coach and mind, body, spirit connector for high achieving women and mothers who are so busy showing up for others that they "don't have time" to show up for themselves. She has coached women in cultivating calm and peace within themself by finding their inner strength and resilience so they can take back their power over their own health and happiness one thought, one action, one conscious choice, one moment at a time. Jennifer is a stress and resiliency educator and adjunct professor at Endicott College School of Nursing where she teaches "Holistic and Complementary Approaches to Health and Healing."
