Written by: Kristina Saelee, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As parents, we all want to have open and meaningful conversations with our teenagers. However, it can sometimes feel like pulling teeth to get them to open up. One effective strategy to break down communication barriers is by using curiosity questions. By tapping into their natural sense of curiosity, we can create an environment where our teens feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. In this article, we will explore the power of curiosity questions and provide you with some examples to use in conversations with your teen.
1. Why curiosity questions matter
Curiosity questions serve as a powerful tool to foster open dialogue with your teenager. When we ask questions out of genuine curiosity, we show our children that we value their opinions and perspectives. This approach encourages them to engage in conversation, sharing more about their lives and allowing us to better understand their experiences.
2. Setting the stage
Before diving into the actual curiosity questions, it's important to create a safe and non-judgmental environment for your teen. Here are a few tips to consider:
Choose the right time and place: Find a moment when both you and your teen are relaxed and likely to be receptive to conversation. This could be during a car ride, while taking a walk, or during a shared activity.
Be an active listener: When your teen opens up, give them your full attention. Maintain eye contact, nod, and avoid interrupting. Show genuine interest in what they have to say.
Avoid judgment and criticism: Remember that the purpose of these conversations is to build trust and connection. Keep an open mind and be accepting of their thoughts and feelings.
3. Examples of curiosity questions
a) "What was the most interesting thing you learned today?"
This question encourages your teen to reflect on their day and share something they found intriguing. It opens the door for them to discuss their interests, teachers, or classmates, allowing you to gain insight into their academic life. b) "If you could be any character from a book or movie, who would you choose and why?"
This question taps into their creativity and allows them to explore their preferences and aspirations. It can spark conversations about dreams, ambitions, and values. c) "What challenges are you currently facing in your life, and how can I support you?"
This question shows your teen that you are there for them, no matter what challenges they may be experiencing. It encourages honest and open communication about their struggles, giving you an opportunity to offer guidance and support.
d) "What is something new or different you experienced today?"
This question prompts your teen to share unique experiences and helps them reflect on their day. It can lead to discussions about new friendships, hobbies, or even personal growth.
e) "If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?"
This question encourages your teen to think critically about the world around them. It provides an opportunity for them to express their values, interests, and concerns. The discussion that follows can be insightful and thought-provoking.
Using curiosity questions is an effective way to foster open communication and build a stronger connection with your teenager. By actively engaging in conversations that showcase genuine interest in their lives, you create an environment where they feel safe and supported. Remember to be patient, listen carefully, and embrace their perspective. Ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Through the power of curiosity, you can lay the foundation for meaningful conversations that will strengthen your bond with your teen for years to come.
As a mother of 5 teenagers, my personal journey has been filled with countless moments of struggle and triumph. I recall a time with my youngest son, Laurence, when he was going through a difficult phase, retreating into his shell and avoiding conversation. In a bid to bridge the gap, I started asking him about his day, specifically asking him to share the most interesting thing he learned. This question piqued his curiosity and he began opening up about his school experiences, sharing intriguing facts and anecdotes. Over time, this not only improved our relationship, but also fostered a love for knowledge in Laurence, who is now an enthusiastic learner.
In another instance, my older daughter, Karissa, was struggling with peer pressure. Utilizing the curiosity question about the one thing she would like to change in the world led to a profound discussion about individuality and the courage to resist conformity. This conversation became a turning point for Karissa, who gradually learned to stand up for her beliefs and make choices that resonated with her values. Her confidence blossomed, and she transformed into an assertive young woman with a clear sense of self.
These personal anecdotes are a testament to the power of curiosity questions in fostering a stronger bond with teenagers and empowering them to navigate the challenges of adolescence with resilience and wisdom.
Kristina Saelee, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kristina Saelee is a Parent Coach specializing in coaching parents raising teens who are struggling with Depression. Her own daughter struggled with Depression as a teen and Kristina is passionate about helping parents learn how to best support their teens. She developed her 5 Steps to emPOWERed Parenting program based on the tools she had learned to best support her daughter. Kristina is certified in Positive Discipline, Collaborative Problem-Solving, Brain-Health Coaching and as a Life Coach. She is also a youth therapist trained in DBT and Trauma-Informed CBT. She has helped many families reach healing and wholeness.
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