Written by: Jane Parker, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Almost all of us have done it... We have reached for our phone in a moment of frustration or resentment to say what we know is a bad idea, but we can hide behind our phone and possibly get away with it. Our bravado increases when we don't have to see with our own eyes the reaction of the person on the receiving end of our wrath.
Our self-righteousness takes over our empathy and caring for the other person, and before we know it, we have exploded our emotions and/or opinions into a text message. The satisfaction of knowing that we have freely expressed ourselves is short-lived. We may then morph into feelings of anxiety if they don't reply, or feelings of hurt or rejection when they come back with an even more hurtful reply.
For some, this isn't a one-off occurrence. For some couples, this is how they communicate on a regular basis.
So, why, for some couples, is texting their preferred way to resolve issues in their relationship?
Vulnerability. It is a scary word for many. It's why we feel braver sending that message than having a face-to-face, potentially painful, and risky conversation about our feelings.
Vulnerability is a profoundly human experience that often evokes fear and discomfort. It is the raw, unguarded state in which we expose our true selves, relinquishing the armour we wear to protect our emotions and insecurities. This unveiling of our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires can be terrifying because it opens us to the possibility of rejection, judgment, or emotional pain.
We stand on the precipice of genuine connection and intimacy and the edge of potential disappointment or hurt. The fear of vulnerability stems from uncertainty, as we cannot control how others respond to our openness.
Nevertheless, embracing vulnerability allows us to forge meaningful connections, foster empathy, and experience personal growth. We miss out on all of these when trying to resolve issues or expressing emotions by text.
Arguing by text message can present challenges and potential pitfalls for effective communication. Here are some reasons why it's often considered less than ideal:
1. Lack of Tone and Non-Verbal Cues: Text messages lack vocal tone, facial expressions, and body language, making it difficult to convey or interpret emotions accurately. This can lead to misunderstandings, as messages may be misinterpreted as more hostile or confrontational than intended.
2. Delayed Responses: Text-based arguments can become prolonged due to the asynchronous nature of messaging. People may take their time to respond, leading to extended periods of tension and uncertainty.
3. Incomplete Communication: Text messages often encourage brevity, which can lead to messages being misunderstood or missing important context. Essential nuances in the argument may be left out or overlooked.
4. Emotional Escalation: Text arguments can easily escalate, as people may type messages in the heat of the moment without considering their tone or wording. This can lead to more intense conflicts.
5. Lack of Personal Connection: Arguments over text may depersonalize the interaction, making it easier for individuals to disregard the feelings and perspectives of the other person. There is a more personal and empathetic connection in a face-to-face conversation or even a phone call.
6. Miscommunication: Text-based communication can result in misunderstandings or misinterpretations due to the absence of immediate feedback and the ability to clarify points in real-time.
7. Record of the Argument: Text messages can serve as a permanent record of the argument, making it harder to move past conflicts and potentially damaging relationships. In-person discussions may be more easily forgotten or forgiven.
8. Limited Resolution: Resolving an argument through text messages can be challenging, as constructive dialogue and compromise are often hindered.
9. Vulnerability to Miscommunication: Sarcasm, humour, or irony may be difficult to convey through text messages, leading to further misinterpretation.
In some cases, text messaging can be an effective means of communication for simple discussions or to exchange information. However, for emotionally charged topics or arguments, it's generally better to use other forms of communication, such as face-to-face conversations or phone calls, to foster better understanding and minimize potential conflicts. If you must argue by text, it's essential to use clear and considerate language, be mindful of tone, and take breaks to cool off if tensions rise.
In conclusion, engaging in conflicts through text messages comes with its fair share of pitfalls, making it less than an ideal medium for resolving disputes. However, there are alternative methods that can lead to more effective and harmonious outcomes. Ideally, face-to-face, honest conversations should be the first choice, as they allow for genuine emotional connections and a deeper understanding of each other's viewpoints. When physical meetings aren't feasible, turning to phone calls or video calls can bridge the gap, enabling a more nuanced expression of emotions and intentions. Setting ground rules for text-based arguments, taking breaks when tensions escalate, and using emojis and punctuation can all contribute to maintaining a respectful and constructive tone. Most importantly, it's crucial to refrain from letting emotions run wild in your texts, just as you wouldn't in person. By adopting these alternative conflict resolution methods, you can reduce the pitfalls associated with arguing or venting via text messages and foster healthier and more effective communication.
Relationship Coaching is a pro-active learning journey that can help you to transform your communication with your partner and revitalize your relationship. If you would like to work with Jane, please book a complimentary consultation with her here.
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Jane Parker, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jane Parker is a Certified Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach and she works with couples and individuals to guide and empower them to create positive changes in their marriage or relationship.
Her strategies help couples in crisis who may be considering separation or see no other alternative than divorce.
Jane's work helps couples to see the value in their relationship and each other, allowing them to
build upon the foundations of their connection to intentionally create the relationship they desire.
She inspires couples and gives them the tools and skills to create more understanding, connection, and trust within their relationship.
Jane's deep commitment to her work comes from her strong family values and a desire to coach couples to create happy and healthy relationships within their own homes. She is dedicated to showing that even when things seem hopeless positive changes can be made.
Jane works with couples in person in the beautiful Lake District, UK, or online worldwide.
You can find Jane at www.janeparkerrelationshipcoach.co.uk
