Nadija is a multi-award-winning trauma and empowerment specialist and holds a double diploma in Hypnotherapy, Mind Coaching, and online therapy. She is also a Reiki master as well as a grief educator and trained with the international grief specialist and best-selling author David Kessler. Nadija is also an end of life doula.
You are not a machine. Your worth is not measured by your productivity or how much you achieve. You are worthy simply because you exist. Remember that when doubts creep in. Do you find yourself dreading the thought of being unproductive? Do you push yourself to overachieve just to feel like you’re enough? Are you constantly worried you are not hitting your goals quickly enough?
Let me remind you: you do not need to wear yourself out to prove your worth to anyone. Your value does not come from your accomplishments, your possessions, your qualifications, your appearance, your career, or your relationships.
Are you still holding onto the belief that success only comes through relentless hard work?
Being busy is not a mark of success. Productivity is not the only thing that brings fulfilment. Your worth is far greater than how much you have done in a single day.
It is tempting to seek validation from external achievements, but when we do this, our sense of worth becomes a never-ending race, constantly reaching for the next thing yet never feeling truly satisfied.
Overworking can be a way to feel “good enough” when struggling with low self-esteem, lack of confidence, or self-worth.
Here is the thing: staying busy, chasing goals, and living in constant motion can be a way to avoid sitting with yourself and feeling what is really going on inside. It is a way to dodge the internal storms, a distraction from making difficult life decisions, and from being honest about how deeply you may be hurting. It is easier to immerse yourself in tasks, projects, relationships, degrees, and work than to face what is underneath.
But I want you to know this–you are already enough. You are smart enough, strong enough, and more than good enough just as you are. You do not need external validation or achievements to confirm your worth. You are already valuable.
In a world that applauds success, hard work, and the endless pursuit of greatness, it is very easy to believe that overachieving is something to be proud of. And to an extent, it can be. Striving for excellence, setting goals, and pushing ourselves to reach higher can be both fulfilling and rewarding. But for some, this constant need to succeed and overwork is less about ambition and more about coping with deeper emotional wounds.
Overachieving can sometimes be a hidden trauma response. It's a way to feel safe, to feel worthy, and to gain validation in a world where we once felt powerless. While the pursuit of success can mask the scars of our past, it's important to recognize when this behaviour stops serving us and instead becomes a barrier to our well-being. Understanding this dynamic is crucial, not only for our mental health but for our overall healing journey.
The roots of overachieving: From survival to overcompensation
Overachieving often stems from early life experiences that left us feeling inadequate, unseen, or unsafe. Whether it is childhood emotional neglect, high expectations from parents, or experiencing instability, we may have learned to equate our worth with our accomplishments. This is especially true if love or approval was conditional – given only when we excelled or met certain standards.
For example, imagine a child who consistently earned praise and attention only when they brought home perfect grades or excelled in extracurricular activities. This child learns that love and validation are tied to performance. As an adult, this conditioning may turn into an insatiable drive to achieve more, do more, and be more–because the fear of not being enough still lingers beneath the surface.
The trauma lies not just in the experiences themselves, but in the deeply ingrained belief that to be loved, accepted, or worthy, we must constantly prove ourselves. As adults, this looks like overachieving: an endless cycle of work, success, and burnout, with a constant fear that if we stop pushing ourselves, we will lose everything.
Real-life scenario: The exhausted overachiever
Let us take Maria as an example. Maria is a very successful solicitor who works 70 hours a week. On the surface, she has it all–an impressive career, a beautiful home, and a reputation for always getting things done no matter what. However, Maria is constantly exhausted, anxious, and feels a perpetual need to do more. Deep down, she fears that if she slows down, she will be seen as a failure. Despite her accomplishments, Maria feels unworthy and constantly battles self-doubt.
Maria's overachieving is not a simple personality trait; it is rooted in childhood trauma. Growing up, her parents constantly criticized her unless she was performing at her best. Their love seemed conditional, based on her achievements. Now, as an adult, Maria overworks herself to avoid the discomfort of feeling inadequate. She has become trapped in the belief that her value is tied to her productivity, even though it is wreaking havoc on her mental and physical health.
Recognizing the trauma response
The truth is, overachieving and overworking are common coping mechanisms for unresolved trauma. When we experience emotional pain, neglect, or stress early in life, we may unconsciously develop coping strategies to manage our emotions. Overachieving becomes one of those strategies because it gives us a sense of control and a way to shield ourselves from deeper feelings of unworthiness.
But it is vital to recognize that this pattern, while it may have helped us survive difficult times, is not sustainable. The need to constantly overachieve can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a deep sense of isolation. It keeps us trapped in a never-ending loop of doing rather than being. It prevents us from truly enjoying our lives, our relationships, and most importantly, ourselves.
It is also important to note that overachieving as a trauma response is not our fault. We did not choose these experiences, and we did not choose how our nervous systems adapted to survive them. Our desire to succeed and be seen as "enough" is a natural reaction to feeling unseen or unworthy in the past.
The path to healing: Self-compassion and redefining success
The first step in breaking free from the overachieving trap is self-compassion. We must recognize that our worth is not determined by our achievements, but by who we are as individuals. This means allowing ourselves to rest, make mistakes, and be imperfect without feeling like we are failing. Self-compassion allows us to validate our own worth, independent of external success or validation from others.
If you recognize yourself in this narrative, know that it is okay to slow down. Healing comes from acknowledging that you have been using overachievement as a shield, and that the time has come to replace that shield with a softer, kinder approach. Start by taking small steps towards self-care and gentleness. Set boundaries with work and others, prioritize rest, and give yourself permission to simply exist without performing.
To do this, redefine what success means to you. Instead of measuring it by how much you can accomplish, begin to measure it by how well you take care of yourself, how often you connect with joy, and how authentically you live your life. True success is not about how much you do, but how much you are in alignment with who you truly are.
A new way forward: Using overachievement for growth
Overachieving does not have to be a bad thing. It is a strength when it comes from a place of passion rather than a need to compensate for past pain. Instead of abandoning the drive to achieve altogether, we can learn to channel it in healthier ways. This means setting goals that are aligned with our authentic desires, not just societal pressures or old beliefs about worthiness.
Consider using your natural motivation and work ethic as a tool for personal growth rather than a method of proving your value. Work hard, but also allow yourself to rest. Push yourself, but also give yourself permission to pause. The key is balance. Your productivity does not define you – your humanity does.
Conclusion: Embracing your worth beyond achievement
Understanding that overachieving can be a trauma response is an important part of the healing process. It allows us to see our behaviours from another perspective and through a lens of compassion, rather than judgment. It is not our fault that we developed these coping mechanisms, but it is our responsibility to unlearn them so we can live fuller, healthier lives.
By embracing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and redefining success, we can break free from the cycle of overachieving. We can use our strengths to create a life that reflects who we are at our core – not a life dictated by past trauma or external expectations.
Remember, you are enough just as you are. True empowerment lies not in how much you do, but in how deeply you care for yourself on this journey.
Nadija Bajrami, Strategic Hypnotherapist, Mind Coach
French by birth, Nadija lived in Scotland for 7 years and travelled the world. After recovering from some serious health issues, Nadija had a wake-up call and came to Ireland to find her path. She has been living in Dublin since 2017. Nadija is working mostly online worldwide and shares her time between Ireland, France, and Switzerland.
Nadija is a multi-award-winning trauma and empowerment specialist and holds a double diploma in Hypnotherapy, Mind Coaching, and online therapy. She is also a Reiki master as well as a grief educator and trained with the international grief specialist and best-selling author David Kessler. Nadija is also an end of life doula.
She is dedicated to helping her clients get empowered, supercharge their confidence and self-esteem, overcome their limiting beliefs as well as manage anxiety, and trauma responses. She also helps people on their grief and healing journey through her therapy, coaching, grief education and support programmes and spiritual work.
