Written by: Sara Mueller, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Emotional intelligence is often defined as a “soft skill” since it’s not a technical skill or related to IQ. But there is nothing soft about being an emotionally intelligent leader. Here are four reasons emotional intelligence is a not-so-soft “soft skill” and, instead, creates the strongest, most effective leaders you know.
1. Emotional Intelligence Requires Raw Honesty With Yourself.
Self-awareness, the first pillar of emotional intelligence, requires an honest assessment of how others perceive you and your strengths, weaknesses, triggers, reactions, and relational patterns. Most of us don’t actively seek this feedback from others and prefer to instead stay in ignorance or delusion about our shortcomings.
To be an emotionally intelligent leader, you must gain self-awareness and regularly get feedback on your leadership abilities from those above, below, and at the same level as you. This becomes even more difficult the more senior we get in our careers because fewer people are willing to speak candidly with us for fear of the consequences to their job or livelihood in doing so.
2. Emotional Intelligence Requires Choosing Long-Term Success Over Short-Term Gratification.
Self-management, the second pillar of emotional intelligence, requires you to positively direct your behavior to your bigger goals and aspirations. You must consistently say “no” and resist distractions like email and social media. You must regularly relax and manage inevitable stress. Most of us know what we should be doing to recover and practice self-care, yet many of us deprioritize these things as soon as a work or family obligation surfaces or a double-fudge brownie is placed in front of us.
To be an emotionally intelligent leader, you must master productivity, resilience, and accountability. This is not easy. It’s easier to blame others, make excuses, or hope that your boss, the economy, or any external circumstance will change. However, to be an emotionally intelligent leader, you must take full responsibility for your actions and results.
3. Emotional Intelligence Requires Walking In Someone Else’s Shoes – Even When You Don’t Want To.
Others awareness, the third pillar of emotional intelligence, requires you to have empathy and understand another person’s perspective even if it’s different from your own. It requires you to pick up on what’s really going on underneath the words that are being spoken. And it requires knowing when to speak and when to be silent. (Most of us need to choose to be silent a lot more.)
4. Emotional Intelligence Requires Having Tough Conversations And Holding Others Accountable – Even At The Risk Of Being Unliked.
Relationship management, the fourth pillar of emotional intelligence where influence and impactful leadership manifests, requires you to do the things that research shows the majority of people and executives avoid. These things include having tough conversations, embracing and managing conflict, redirecting behavior, and not accepting mediocrity (even in the current employee-driven marketplace as we face the war for talent).
By being an impactful leader, you must hold your organization’s mission over your need to be liked. You must make difficult decisions, even if it adds a layer of complexity to your job. You must hold others accountable – all while preserving the relationship and sparking the other person’s internal motivation.
I think we’d all agree that carrying out these four requirements of emotionally intelligent leadership is not “soft.” It requires strength, skill, and wisdom. If you or your leadership team are ready to improve your emotional intelligence and thus improve the impact on your organization, contact us here.
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Sara Mueller, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Sara Mueller believes we CAN have it all. She helps leaders develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and high performance so they can balance an impactful career AND a meaningful family life. After being burnt out in her career and hitting rock bottom in her marriage, Sara realized that her limiting beliefs and unproductive patterns were blocking joy and success in all areas of her life. So, she underwent an intense journey of self-discovery, learning how to own her authentic power, presence, and purpose. She now teaches the key learnings of her transformation in her Self-Mastery Method coaching and leadership programs. Prior to becoming a Success Mentor, Sara spent nearly two decades developing optimization training programs for Fortune Global 500 executives while also teaching mindfulness and yoga to people from all walks of life. She’s a certified Conscious Parenting Coach and is regularly regarded as “life-changing,” “eye-opening,” and “one of the most engaging facilitators I’ve ever seen” by her beloved clients.
