Written by: Krystal Matocha, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Now and then someone asks me if I can “make them” change a behavior.
Since I’m a certified hypnotherapist, being asked if I can make someone do something is a less strange request than if I had some other profession, like a real estate agent. However, it’s based on a misunderstanding and usually revolves around a habit… a habit a person knows they “should” change, or have been told to change, but they lack the willpower or motivation to follow through.
They might say, “Can you make me eat vegetables” or “Can you make me stop smoking.” It’s an interesting choice of words because subconsciously it communicates a desire not to change, hoping I can force them through mental power. In case you are wondering, hypnosis cannot force you to do something you do not want to do because your subconscious only accepts suggestions that are in line with your values, ethics, and process. So even with the advantage of subconscious learning, a person must have a genuine desire for change for hypnosis (or any other self-growth tool) to be successful.
The reality is that willpower waxes and wanes daily.
Willpower is a control mechanism, often (not always) associated with forcing ourselves to do things we don’t want to do. For example, wanting to eat that piece of chocolate or have that cigarette, but forcing ourselves to go without. There can be a sense of deprivation, resistance, or punishment with this type of thinking. This approach, consciously or subconsciously, begins as an inner battle. It’s easy to imagine how one part of this person wants one outcome, where another part of this person seeks a different result, and how can this create instability from the start.
Intentionally complicating matters further, I wonder if you’ve heard the phrase, “Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security” - John Allen Paulo
We all have days that seem to float by effortlessly, joyfully. We all have days that are harder, busier, or more challenging than others. Sometimes those tougher periods seem to last longer than others, so when the willpower starts to fade under the tensions of daily life, it becomes easy to fall on old habits. Those thoughts, feelings, and actions that feel comfortable, even if in discomfort. You can see how that inner voice could sway, “Go ahead, have that piece of chocolate or cigarette. I’m too tired to put in the extra effort and the day is ruined anyway. I’ll start over tomorrow.”
Does tomorrow ever come?
One key solution for fading willpower is motivation.
Sometimes I refer to motivation as Your True North, or Personal Real Motivation, because when motivation is personal and real you will naturally, find it requires less energy and effort to stay your course. Instead of fighting deprivation, resistance, or punishment, you can allow your naturalness to carry you. It’s a simple, effective method that’s often overlooked.
It’s also a major turning point.
So how do you find Your True North - your personal real motivation?
Step 1: Know your top 3 priorities in life.
What is so valuable or important to you that it always comes first in your life? What you intrinsically value is what you naturally prioritize, and if you don’t already, then you may be delighted by what happens when you start.
As an example, my top 3 values are:
Loving and caring for the significant people in my life
Experiencing and witnessing the “impossible” becoming possible
Independence and freedom to live my life on my terms
Yours might be different, and that’s alright. This is an exercise in discovering where your motivation already exists. Your top 3 priorities clue you into Your True North - your primary motivation. It can change over time, so look at what’s most important for you now. Interest and values are different, so look for what has had long-term staying power.
Step 2: What is a change that you want to make in your life, but you are having difficulty following through on?
Common responses include eating healthier, stopping smoking, developing a more positive attitude, getting more rest, writing more often, feeling more confident, and feeling happier. The easiest way to discover where you want to learn or grow is to reflect on what currently is a source of pain (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual). Then reverse the pain into what you want instead.
For example, if sleep deprivation is a source of pain, then feeling rejuvenated and refreshed might be what you want in its place. Switch from focusing on the problem to the solution.
Step 3: How does your goal fit into your primary motivation?
Just to be clear, the primary motivation is probably not:
looking great in a bathing suit
following your doctor's orders because they said so
sleeping exactly 7.5 hours because you read in a book that your chronotype needs 7.5 hours to operate at peak performance
having loads of cash
Those are surface interests, but we are looking for your Personal Real Motivation because it’s stronger. When willpower fades, we need something that lights us up from the inside. If you’re not sure how your goal fits into your motivation yet, that’s alright. You can start brain-storming with this formula:
If I ________, then I can ___________.
Here are some real-world examples:
If I eat more vegetables, then I can enjoy more quality years caring for my family in a more meaningful way.
If I eat smaller portions, then with time and patience, I can finally walk with my family and sight-see with them on vacation. Something I’ve missed out on for years
If I stop smoking, then I can breathe better, save my teeth, and enjoy more of my life on my terms.
Step 4: Remember your primary motivation by reminding yourself every day.
The more you remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing and the more it fits into Your True North, the more passion you’ll have to continue forward. Even if you happen to have a hard day.
Step 5: Apply and practice if you want to understand this simple power.
Set aside 20 minutes to reflect truthfully and completely on each question. Most people will discover one of two things. Either what you thought you wanted isn’t what you really wanted or you will realize there is a deeper desire you are yearning to fulfill. You may surprise yourself and discover something unexpected. It’s simple to get started. Today in just 15-20 minutes, you can go beyond willpower into Personal Real Motivation. What have you got to lose, besides some old unwanted habit?
Visit my website for more info!
Krystal Matocha, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Krystal Matocha does more than help you mend your mindset. After struggling with disordered eating, boundary issues, anxiety, poor body image, and an overall dissatisfaction with life, Krystal learned to connect with her subconscious mind for guidance and healing. Since then, she has committed herself to helping you discover the most effective, efficient, and empowering methods for emotional and behavioral change. Krystal is the Founder of The Whole Measure, a holistic wellness center providing online hypnotherapy sessions to men and women across the U.S. Her mission is to make change so simple you wonder why you couldn’t do it before.
