Written by Ania Osiecka, Certified Coach
Ania Osiecka is a professional, certified coach known for her creative and holistic approach. She is the author of a Program, "missing element" and the founder of the first online Book Club in Poland, where members choose and read books in the fields of personal development, psychology, and motivation.
One of the most common questions I get in my work and personal conversations are: "Why don’t I have what I want most?" or "What do others have that I lack? What’s missing in my approach?" The answer to these questions is complex and multifaceted, but the key lies in what I call the "Missing Element." This is the fundamental factor that stands between you and the achievement of your deepest desires. What exactly is this Missing Element? It usually relates to three key dimensions.
1st layer of missing element: What is it that you truly desire?
When it comes to naming our desires, we tend to fall into six different groups:
Those who know exactly what they want and pursue it.
Those who know what they want but don’t believe it’s possible.
Those who, when asked what they desire, often respond, “I don’t know.”
Those who are afraid to name their desires out of fear that failure to achieve them, will be painful.
Those with a long list of desires, but upon deeper reflection, realize they don’t care much for most of them and need to choose the ones that are truly authentic.
Those who speak in very general terms about their desires, like love, money, etc., without the precision needed to make them achievable.
Precision is crucial. There’s a saying, "If you have a clear vision, you will eventually attract the right strategy. If you don’t have a clear vision, no strategy will save you" (Mike Hyatt).
Clarifying and understanding what truly matters to you—what is genuinely yours versus what is habitual or imposed by others—is the first layer of the missing element.
If you see your desires clearly, you will understand what you must sacrifice and what you must dedicate yourself to, in order to move forward. Only a clear picture of who you are and where you headed will allow you to set the right priorities. Clarity of vision creates clarity of priorities.
2nd layer of missing element: Obstacles
The second aspect involves blocks that, in your perception, stand in the way of your desires. Obstacles can be conscious or unconscious.
Conscious obstacles might include:
Lack of courage, fear of failure.
Lack of assertiveness.
Fear of intimacy.
Fear of public speaking.
Lack of discipline, constant procrastination.
Negative thinking about yourself and your abilities.
Waiting for the perfect moment, lack of proactive action.
Fear of success, and more.
Notice that I’m not focusing on the causes of these blocks, but rather on naming them clearly. We often analyze patterns from our family or various life situations but we lack precision in identifying how these patterns create specific obstacles.
It’s important to clearly identify the block or obstacle. Understanding and healing the source is the next step, and often requires the support of a specialist.
3rd layer of missing element: Method
Sometimes, the absence of the "right method" is the primary obstacle—using the wrong tools for a specific issue.
Often, people come to me after years of self-work, feeling stuck:
"I try to think positively, but my behavior and emotions don’t improve."
"I meditate regularly and keep a journal, but I still can’t overcome my anxiety."
"I try to be mindful and plan, but I can’t shake off the feeling of stress and overwhelm."
"I’ve worked on myself for years, but I still can’t meet someone open to a relationship and love."
"My financial situation remains unchanged despite working on my limitations," and so on.
Does any of this sound familiar? When working on yourself, you have two approaches to choose from: the "top-down" approach and the "bottom-up" approach.
The top-down approach focuses on how the mind interprets information—thinking and analysis. Analysis or “talk therapy” provides intellectual understanding, but circumstances and root cause of your obstacles often remain unchanged. Solving problems solely from the level of the mind isn’t enough because the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning) doesn’t always connect to the emotional regulation center of the brain (the limbic system). That’s why, sometimes, despite conscious work on yourself, you simply need to change to a "bottom-up" approach.
The bottom-up approach focuses on the information stored in your body, encompassing all the sensations, feelings, and memories you experience (from your limbic/emotional center). In short, it uses bodily information to help you achieve true healing by resetting and changing the nervous system and subconscious patterns.
The bottom-up method helps you exit fight, flight, freeze modes, emotional blocks, post-traumatic behaviors, and generational or karmic burdens, allowing you to regain a sense of safety.
The top-down approach allows for precision in naming goals and identifying what needs to be healed, while the bottom-up approach heals the root of the problem.
The combination of both approaches works best and my Missing Element program is based on both approaches.
How to understand your missing element?
The Missing Element is not a single factor but a combination of many elements from all three dimensions—from a lack of clarity, through obstacles or fears, to the absence of the right approach. If you feel like something is missing to achieve your dreams, start by asking yourself a few key questions:
Is my desire clear enough? What beliefs are blocking me? What actions am I taking? What emotions are accompanying me?
Would you like support in healing your obstacles? Write me an email and we can schedule free, strategy call click here.
Read more from Ania Osiecka
Ania Osiecka, Certified Coach
Ania Osiecka is a professional, certified coach known for her creative and holistic approach. She is the author of a program, "missing element," which allows her clients to discover, understand, and ultimately overcome what stands in the way of their desired tangible results. The main areas of Ania's interests are self-sabotaging behaviors, emotional neglect and its impact, the shadow mechanisms in the subconscious, growth mindset, and healthy habits for mental and physical well-being.
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