Louise Evans is the creator of the highly-acclaimed behavior-changing tool 'The 5 Chairs', designed to transform human relationships. She is a Transformational coach, Tedx speaker and the author of the book 5 Chairs 5 Choices.
In your quieter moments of self-reflection, have you ever felt disheartened by a chorus of internal critics operating in the shadows of your mind, quietly disrupting your happiness?
Welcome to the world of inner saboteurs
Each of us carries a gallery of invisible forces that subtly shape our thoughts, sabotage our actions, and steal our peace. These are our Inner Saboteurs, the architects of our doubts and the weavers of our fears. From the relentless perfectionist to the ever-doubting victim, these saboteurs can undermine our confidence and derail our potential.
In this article, I offer you a mini-guide to what I call ‘The Malevolent Six’. These are six of the most prevalent inner saboteurs that inhabit our minds. Based on my own firsthand experiences with these ‘characters’, I invite you to join me on a journey of exploration of these forces which will hopefully result in you diminishing their negative influence in your own life.
Here they are:
The judge
The perfectionist
The people pleaser
The procrastinator
The victim
The controller
Taking one saboteur at a time, we will define their characteristics, examine their potentially detrimental impact on ourselves and others, and then explore practical strategies to manage and transform their influence. Sometimes even the simple act of recognizing them helps us reclaim some control of our mental landscape!
Let’s begin the journey with introductions!
The malevolent six
1. The judge
Description: The Judge is an unrelenting voice inside your head that focuses solely on your shortcomings and errors. It amplifies your mistakes and minimizes your successes, often making you feel inadequate and unworthy. This saboteur thrives on comparison and negative feedback, creating a loop of self-doubt that can be crippling without intervention.
Recognizable thoughts and language:
"I can't believe I messed that up!"
"I'm just not good enough."
"Why can't I be as good as them?"
Behaviors:
Excessive self-criticism
Reluctance to take risks
Avoidance of new challenges
Impact:
On ourselves: Low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
On others: Strained relationships due to constant negativity and self-deprecation.
2. The perfectionist
Description: The Perfectionist sets impossibly high standards for every aspect of life. This saboteur makes you strive for flawless execution in every task, leaving no room for mistakes. As it drives you to excel, it also sets you up for inevitable frustration and feelings of failure when those unrealistically high standards are not met. This saboteur can lead to excessive stress and burnout.
Recognizable thoughts and language:
"This isn't good enough."
"I must get everything just right."
"Failure is not an option."
Behaviors:
Overworking
Micromanaging
Avoiding tasks where perfection seems unattainable
Impact:
On ourselves: Chronic stress, burnout, and dissatisfaction.
On others: Frustration and resentment due to unrealistic expectations and lack of delegation.
3. The people pleaser
Description: The People Pleaser is driven, on the one hand, by a need for acceptance and validation from others and on the other hand by the fear of conflict. This saboteur compels you to put others' needs before your own, often at the expense of your personal well-being. While it might earn temporary approval from others, it often leads to burnout and a loss of self-identity.
Recognizable thoughts and language:
"I don't want to upset anyone."
"Their needs are more important than mine."
"I need their approval to feel good about myself."
Behaviors:
Overcommitting
Avoiding conflict
Neglecting personal needs
Impact:
On ourselves: Burnout, resentment, and loss of identity.
On others: Dependence on the pleaser, lack of genuine relationships.
4. The procrastinator
Description: The Procrastinator tells you there is always tomorrow, encouraging delay and avoidance. This saboteur thrives on fear of failure or sometimes fear of success, leading to paralysis by analysis. It results in last-minute rushes, stress, and often, unfinished projects.
Recognizable thoughts and language:
"I'll do it later."
"I work better under pressure."
"I have plenty of time."
Behaviors:
Delaying tasks
Finding excuses
Rushing at the last minute
Impact:
On ourselves: Increased stress, poor performance, and missed deadlines.
On others: Frustration and decreased trust due to unreliability.
5. The victim
Description: The Victim feels helpless and constantly blames external factors for their problems. Feeling perpetually wronged and powerless, the victim saboteur prevents your personal growth by dodging accountability and by stewing in self-pity, which can alienate others and hinder your ability to effect change in your life.
Recognizable thoughts and language:
"Why does this always happen to me?"
"It's not my fault."
"I can't do anything about it."
Behaviors:
Complaining
Blaming others
Avoiding responsibility
Impact:
On ourselves: Powerlessness, lack of growth, and dependency.
On others: Draining sympathy and creating a negative atmosphere.
6. The controller
Description: The Controller needs constant control and certainty over every detail, and fears chaos if things are left to others. It needs to be in charge and inevitably struggles to trust others, which can lead to micromanagement and high stress levels, both for you and those around you. Ultimately it will stifle creativity and flexibility when dealing with life's inevitable uncertainties.
Recognizable thoughts and language:
"If I don't do it, it won't be done properly."
"I need to be in control."
"I can't trust anyone else with this."
Behaviors:
Micromanaging
Reluctance to delegate
High anxiety when things are out of control
Impact:
On ourselves: Stress, burnout, and lack of trust in others.
On others: Frustration, decreased morale, and limited growth opportunities.
So these are the Malevolent Six!
I invite you now to pause and reflect. Which of these saboteurs resonates with you the most? Where are they showing up in your life? In your work, your relationships, or perhaps even in how you speak to yourself? Recognizing their influence is the first crucial step toward reclaiming your mental and emotional freedom.
How to turn your saboteurs into collaborators
Instead of waging war on your inner saboteurs, it would be more beneficial to transform them into your allies. In fact, although these saboteurs may appear disruptive, they often stem from genuine desires, such as the need for security, belonging, or achievement. Understanding their underlying motivations and redirecting their energy in a constructive way can actually turn them into collaborators. Here’s how:
Acknowledge and understand their purpose
Each saboteur, although negative in its expression, usually arises from an instinctual need:
The Perfectionist might be seeking excellence.
The Procrastinator may want to avoid beginning being overwhelmed
The People Pleaser might desire harmony in relationships.
The Controller could be aiming for stability and security.
In many ways, our inner saboteurs can be seen as ‘exaggerated’ parts of our personality that, when integrated and balanced, can serve us well. Therefore the goal is not to eliminate these parts of ourselves but to integrate them in a balanced way so as to support our growth.
By recognizing the positive intention behind their behaviors, you can begin to channel their energy more productively. The question you need to ask yourself is:
“What is this saboteur trying to protect me from?”
Understanding this can turn opposition into collaboration. Then, instead of criticizing yourself for being too controlling, fearful, or overly judgmental, you can approach your saboteurs with curiosity and compassion. This means listening to them without judgment, the same way you would listen to a troubled friend. Ask:
"What are you trying to tell me?"
"What do you need?"
Redirect their energy
Once you’ve identified your saboteurs core needs, you can begin to redirect their energy. Here are a few examples:
The perfectionist can become your striver for excellence: Instead of obsessing over flawlessness, you can channel this saboteur’s power into a commitment to doing your best whilst also accepting imperfection as part of growth.
The controller can transform into your strategic planner: Rather than micromanaging everything, this saboteur’s desire for order can be directed towards empowering others and creating solid, flexible plans that embrace collaboration.
The procrastinator can be turned into your focused prioritizer: Instead of avoiding tasks out of fear, you can work with this saboteur to break down overwhelming projects into manageable steps and take consistent action.
The judge. Here you can acknowledge that constructive feedback is useful, but temper its critical voice. Instead of allowing it to tear you down, you could choose to listen to its concerns when they are constructive and actionable.
The victim may fear being powerless, but that same fear can also motivate you to take ownership of your life and seek empowerment.
People pleasers may fear rejection, but that can also fuel the pursuit of authentic relationships based on mutual respect.
As you can see, the saboteurs fears can be used as catalysts for positive change rather than for sources of paralysis.
Pause and ask
An important strategy to redirect any sabotage in progress, is by asking yourself key questions as the thinking arises. Below are some questions I find effective when the characters present themselves:
The judge
Practice self-compassion: Is this criticism constructive or harmful?
Challenge negative thoughts: What evidence do I have to support or refute this critical thought?
Celebrate achievements: How would I advise a friend in this situation?
The perfectionist
Set realistic goals: Is this standard achievable and necessary?
Embrace mistakes: What can I learn from my mistakes?
Prioritize tasks: How can I balance high standards with self-care?
The people pleaser
Set boundaries: Am I sacrificing my needs for others?
Seek internal validation: How can I assertively communicate my boundaries?
Communicate assertively: What would make me feel fulfilled and respected?
The procrastinator
Break tasks into smaller steps: Why am I delaying this task?
Set deadlines: What small step can I take right now?
Eliminate distractions: How will completing this task benefit me?
The victim
Take responsibility: What part did I play in this situation?
Focus on solutions: What can I do to improve this situation?
Build resilience: How can I develop a more resilient mindset?
The controller
Delegate tasks: What can I delegate to others?
Focus on outcomes: How can I focus on the bigger picture?
Develop trust: What steps can I take to build trust in my team?
Co-create with your inner saboteurs
Transformation takes time, but every small step brings you closer to a more empowered you. The process of turning your inner saboteurs into collaborators is an act of co-creation between you and your inner forces. It’s an opportunity to invite your inner critics to the table and rewrite your inner narrative. The key is to listen, reframe and redirect their energy from the malevolent six to the magnificent six!
I invite you to join me on the journey.
Read more from Louise Evans
Louise Evans, Transformational Coach, Leadership Trainer & Behavioural Changer
Louise Evans is the creator and founder of The 5 Chairs, a highly powerful and widely-acclaimed behavior-changing tool designed to unleash people’s finest qualities and help them manifest their very best behaviors.Combining her passion for people with her skills in the performing arts and drawing on 30 years of experience as a behavioral agility coach, global leadership facilitator, author of ‘5 Chairs 5 Choices’, and Tedx speaker, Louise has founded The 5 Chairs Academy to take her methodology into as many organizations, schools, homes, and communities as possible across the world to guide and nurture people on a pathway to personal excellence and success.
