Viloshni Moodley is an accredited Sexpert practicing as an Online Intimacy Coach. She is the founder and owner of Ultimacy Online, since leaving her over 25 years of management experience within Corporate. Her passion for empowering individuals with positive sex education and breaking the negative conditioning cycle has influenced her change in career path. She believes relationships are the most important factor to overall well-being and thus passionate about making a change to ensure people have more fulfilling relationships. Having a happy, healthy relationship provides balance in individuals and couples. Her work specializes in coaching individuals or couples who wish to achieve certain goals in the bedroom and short courses in different areas of sexuality.
You have a title that people usually get excited about. You are “The Intimacy Coach & Sex Expert.” Can you explain to the readers more about the work you do?
Most people have never heard of an Intimacy Coach before. On hearing a response from one person stays with me, “I am a very conservative lady, but I have lots of friends who love sex. I will send them to you”. I had to immediately correct her perceptions of what an Intimacy Coach does. Some think you assess the size of their genitals and tell them whether they are well endowed or not. This journey has been quite interesting with the different perceptions that exist.
As an Intimacy Coach, I empower people with sex-positive education in a way they can feel liberated with themselves and in the bedroom. I create a space that is free from judgment and shame, where open conversations can ensue. I am passionate about sharing sex-positive information for people to make decisions based on safe behavior and considering their sexual health. Once empowered with information and the tools to enrich your relationship, one will attain a sense of overall well-being. Relationships are important to an individual’s motivation and sense of well-being. Being in a secure, healthy relationship can create a happy home environment that kids can thrive in, and parents become great role models to the kids on sharing affection openly. It takes this type of empowerment to change the statistics of societal issues like gender-based violence, sexual health issues, etc. My view is that each of us as individuals has a role and can make a significant difference in raising our families now and in the future. The impact is on the improvement of future statistics of sexually transmitted infections, diseases and gender-based violence cases
What would you say are the main keys to a happy sex life?
Communication – a word always thrown around but never easy to understand on how. The use of verbal and written communication can be powerful. Tell your partner what you enjoy and what pleases you. After all, you are responsible for your own orgasm. Write a list of what you love about each other physically, mentally, emotionally & sexually. Read this to each other.
Appreciation – compliment your partner on how they look, how they make you feel, and tell them what you appreciate about them. In this way, you will be giving them an emotional, physical, and appreciative compliment.
Respect – it is always important to understand each other’s boundaries and, if not known, have a conversation and agree on them. Start by listing the activities, and next to the list identify what you will do, what you will not do, and what you may consider at a later point. Ask for permission before penetrating your partner. If your partner says no, accept it and never force them.
Play – never stop playing, whether it is just tickling each other, pillow fights, wet each other if the weather permits, foreplay, create games in the bedroom, and keep the imagination alive. The touch and holding of each other can create sexual arousal which can lead to more.
You have created a lot of interesting courses for people to learn more. Can you tell us more about what it is and how it can help people with their intimacy and sex journeys in life?
Firstly, one needs to understand their own body and what pleasures them. Too often, the burden of pleasure is put onto a partner. Taking control and knowing that your orgasm or pleasure is not dependent on your partner, but yourself is a great starting point. Whilst the courses are packed with information, tips, and where necessary tools, they are a guide. The individual needs to realize that the work needs to be done by themselves, with me guiding them every step of the way. The courses cater to everyone, regardless of where you are in your journey. You can be a hopeful beginner for Power Play (BDSM), recently disabled and wanting to become intimate again or one looking to start to build intimacy.
What is the most fascinating thing you have learned so far on your own intimacy and sex journey? And is that something you would recommend to all people?
It is an absolutely liberating experience once you build Intimacy with yourself and earth-shattering orgasms are very possible on your own. On a serious note, take time to understand your own bodies and what triggers pleasure for you, understand your erogenous zones and how you would like the intensity of being touched in those areas. Fall in love with yourself, take bubble baths alone, and indulge yourself in alone time in exploring your body. You will find this will bring you closer to your partner, and your time together will be a lot more meaningful. Invest in yourself and enhance your second survival, extinct being sex after our first being survival. A meaningful area of our life that does not get the focus it deserves as most societies deem it taboo. Consider the health benefits for both males and females.
From your experience, what are the three most common mistakes men and women make in bed or when trying to get intimate?
Lack of Communication – partners who fail to talk about or understand their mismatched sex drives, what pleasures them, and most importantly, what it takes for them to orgasm.
Lack of Foreplay – on average, a woman takes about 20 mins to become ready for penetration. Without foreplay, sex can become unpleasant.
Low self-confidence – hang-ups with the body size, shape, or the way their genitals look.
How can this be solved in the best possible way?
Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex and prefer to just do it instead of getting into a discussion. Find ways to talk about this important area of your life. If you are unable to do this, consider getting assistance to do so. Focus on the journey and not the destination. The journey can be beautiful if you take your time and are patient with each other. If your partner has low self-esteem, stand in front of a long mirror with her and start to undress her. Whilst undressing her, tell her how beautiful each part of her body is with words and lavish her with kisses.
We are human after all. Despite how independent, financially secure, and socially connected we are, the basics of love, care, attention & security are still what we yearn for.
