Barbara Suigo is a charisma expert, HR consultant, and author. Specializing in the development of soft skills, she has published the "Charisma Trilogy" and offers personalized training and coaching programs for leaders and professionals.
Welcome back to this space dedicated to developing your personal charisma. In the first article, "Unlock the Secrets of Charisma and Build Authentic Connections," we discussed the importance of presence, based on careful observation and genuine listening. If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend doing so: following a logical path will help you develop your magnetism more effectively.
Now, let’s shift the focus to another crucial aspect of charisma: the gaze. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever spoken with someone who avoided eye contact, appearing distracted, as if their mind were elsewhere?
How did that make you feel? Likely not well. Perhaps uncomfortable, ignored, neglected, even invisible. This feeling is common because eye contact is one of the most powerful points of connection between two human beings. A deep gaze transmits empathy, charisma, and authority, communicating understanding, intelligence, and presence.
And this isn’t just a theoretical concept. Scientific evidence shows that the gaze can create deep bonds and influence the way we are perceived.
In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron conducted an experiment to explore how to accelerate intimacy between two strangers. In this study, a couple sat face-to-face, answering 36 personal questions designed to foster a deep connection. After answering, the participants maintained uninterrupted eye contact for four minutes. Surprisingly, one of the couples married six months after the experiment.
Inspired by this study, in 2016 Amnesty International Poland conducted the "Look Beyond Borders" experiment. Refugees and European citizens sat facing each other, maintaining eye contact for four minutes to demonstrate that a gaze can break down barriers and prejudices, fostering empathy and authentic connection.
If a deep bond can be created in just a few minutes, imagine what a conscious use of eye contact can do in your daily interactions.
Three types of charismatic gaze: Authority, charm, and intensity
The gaze is the most powerful connection between two people; those who master it gain a communicative and influential advantage. Not all gazes have the same effect: some convey authority and respect, others fascinate with a hypnotic magnetism, while still others strike with such intensity that they leave an indelible mark.
Throughout history, iconic figures have used eye contact as a key element of their presence. For example:
Margaret Thatcher the British political leader whose penetrating and relentless gaze intimidated in political exchanges, projecting confidence and dominance;
Cleopatra – the Egyptian queen whose seductive and magnetic gaze created deep connections and influenced powerful men;
Yukio Mishima – the Japanese writer and activist whose intense and calculated gaze expressed discipline and authority, culminating in extreme charisma until his final moment.
Three individuals, three different ways of using the gaze to exert charisma and leave a mark. Let’s take a closer look.
Margaret Thatcher: Eye contact as a tool of power
Margaret Thatcher, nicknamed the Iron Lady, was known for her sharp gaze and her ability to maintain strong, authoritative eye contact. Her gaze was one of her most effective weapons in political debate: she used it to assert her dominance, unsettle opponents, and demonstrate firmness in the most difficult situations.
Use of eye contact in debates: Thatcher maintained direct eye contact with her interlocutors, never looking away. This allowed her to project confidence and control, both towards colleagues and adversaries. During parliamentary debates, she fixed her opponents' eyes, giving the impression of being unyielding.
Empathy and communication strategy: Although often perceived as cold, her gaze was modulated in more emotional speeches to convey empathy, while still maintaining a firm posture and determined expression.
Psychological impact: Many politicians have stated that they felt intimidated by her gaze. Holding eye contact was a deliberate technique to exert pressure and demonstrate superiority, making her silent message as eloquent as her words.
Cleopatra: The magnetic gaze of a queen
Cleopatra is one of the most iconic historical figures, renowned for her ability to fascinate and persuade. Besides her diplomatic skills, many historical sources attribute part of her charisma to the hypnotic power of her gaze.
Eye contact as a seductive weapon: Historians such as Plutarch and Cassius Dio describe Cleopatra as a woman with an incredible stage presence, capable of capturing attention with her mere gaze. Testimonies indicate that her intense and penetrating look created a magnetic effect on anyone who looked at her.
Emotional connection and diplomacy: Cleopatra did not use eye contact solely to seduce; she also employed it in political negotiations. She looked into her interlocutors’ eyes with firmness, conveying authority and confidence, influencing powerful men like Julius Caesar and Mark Antony thanks to impeccable non-verbal communication.
The hypnosis of the gaze: The hypnosis of the gazeIt is said that Cleopatra knew how to maintain eye contact without ever looking away, creating a subtle and engaging tension that made her appear as a dominating figure, capable of making each interlocutor feel like the only person in the room.
Yukio Mishima: The power of visual intensity
If we want to move away from traditional political leaders, an intriguing example is Yukio Mishima. The Japanese writer and activist mastered the gaze with a unique intensity, using it as a tool of charisma and authority.
Mishima’s charisma through the gaze: Mishima was known for his penetrating, icy gaze, which accompanied his public appearances with an aura of almost theatrical intensity. He was not just an intellectual but projected a magnetic presence capable of enchanting and unsettling his audience.
The aesthetics of eye contact: Obsessed with the idea of discipline and control, his gaze was always steady, calculated, and charged with emotional tension, as evidenced in rare film recordings and photographs.
The final scene: eye contact before seppuku: In 1970, after a failed coup attempt, Mishima took his own life through seppuku. Even in his final moments, he maintained a proud and intense gaze, fixing his audience’s eyes and transmitting extreme charisma until the very end.
How to train a charismatic gaze
Now that we have explored the importance of eye contact and analyzed some figures who mastered it, it’s time to move on to practice. Like any skill, the charisma of the gaze can be trained.
The mirror exercise
Spend a few minutes each day looking at yourself in the mirror—not just glancing, but intentionally fixing your reflection. Relax your face and maintain eye contact with yourself for at least two minutes. Notice any tension and experiment with different micro-expressions: a soft, welcoming look versus a more determined and penetrating one.
Why does it work? Becoming aware of your gaze helps you correct stiffness and naturally convey confidence.
Prolonged eye contact
Inspired by studies from Arthur Aron and Amnesty International, find a partner—a friend or colleague—and sit facing each other. Maintain eye contact for four minutes without speaking. Observe the sensations that arise: embarrassment, tension, curiosity. After the exercise, compare perceptions and discuss the emotions experienced.
Why does it work? Prolonged eye contact fosters an authentic connection and improves your ability to sustain attention on others.
Focusing during conversations
During a conversation, commit to maintaining eye contact for at least 70% of the time. Avoid lowering your gaze too quickly; let the contact be natural and gentle. Notice your interlocutor’s reaction: does their demeanor change? Is there a greater sense of engagement?
Why does it work? Constant eye contact conveys confidence and presence, making communication more intense and effective.
Recording and self-analysis
Record a conversation or presentation and then review the video to observe how you use eye contact. Note moments when your gaze wanders or could be more intense. This self-analysis helps you identify unconscious habits and correct them, enhancing the naturalness and charisma of your gaze.
Why does it work? Analyzing your behavior on video increases awareness, allowing you to work on details that might otherwise go unnoticed.
Conclusion
Training your gaze doesn’t mean forcing it, but rather discovering your true potential. Authentic eye contact changes the way others perceive you—and, most importantly, how you feel about yourself.
This journey toward a more genuine charisma is also mine. I’d love to hear how these exercises are influencing your life: have you noticed changes in your relationships or confidence? Write to me to share your experiences—your stories are the best measure of our shared success.
Until next time, and happy training!
Read more from Barbara Suigo
Barbara Suigo, Senior HR Consultant, Author, Charisma Expert
Born in Italy and naturalized as a French citizen, Barbara Suigo is an HR consultant, author, coach, and trainer specializing in the Art of Charisma. With solid experience in corporate communication and extensive training in NLP, persuasion, and storytelling techniques, she supports professionals and companies by offering personalized coaching, training programs, and in-depth content.
Barbara is the author of the Charisma Trilogy, a work that deeply explores how to develop and harness personal influence and leadership presence. She has also published other books focused on personal and professional growth, solidifying her role as a leader in the field of soft skills development.
