Gem Dentith is a Personal Transformation Consultant and the founder of Gem Dentith Global, a personal, professional, and spiritual development company. Creator of the Aligned Success Method™, Gem helps high achievers strip past conditioning and align with their true purpose for authentic, lasting success.
The search for meaning and purpose has driven humanity for centuries. Yet, the answer to this search cannot be found in external achievements, possessions, or status. It can only be truly known once you come to know yourself not as a body, not as a personality, but as a soul.
To know your soul is to awaken to your divine essence and uncover your unique purpose. This journey of awakening is universal yet deeply personal. It is a path that leads you through the layers of the self, a process of shedding ego-driven illusions to reconnect with your spiritual truth. Only by embracing your soul can you truly align with the meaning and purpose of your existence.
This sacred journey unfolds through seven selves, each a step closer to your true nature and divine purpose. It begins in the realm of the false self, where the ego dominates, and progresses into the emergence of the true self, where the soul leads the way.
Recognizing that this journey is not bound by time is also essential. Some people may remain in the early stages of dependency or independence their entire lives, never moving forward. Others may leap from stage one to stage seven through profound insights or life-changing realizations. The pace of this journey depends not on time but on your awareness of the truth of who you are and the reality of existence.
Where are you on this journey? And are you ready to take the next step inward?
The seven selves: From false self to true self
1. The dependent self: The first false self
The journey begins in dependency, the stage of infancy and early childhood. At this stage, the soul is like a seed, full of potential but entirely reliant on external sources for nourishment, validation, and guidance.
The ego forms here, acting as a protector and guide to help the soul navigate the physical world. The soul is present but dormant, its divine nature wholly obscured by the ego. The dependent self is shaped entirely by external influences, constructing the foundation of the false self.
For some, dependency continues far beyond childhood. Many adults remain in this stage, unable to fully develop their independent self. This is where co-dependence resides when survival and identity are attributed to relationships or external factors. The dependent self is marked by an inability to find internal stability, relying entirely on others for emotional, mental, or even physical security.
Breaking free from the dependent self requires insights into your capability and individuality. However, it is a stage that some never leave, making the journey to divine purpose feel distant and unattainable.
2. The independent self: The false self in bloom
As the child grows, they begin to assert independence. This stage often manifests in adolescence, when individuality and self-expression take centre stage. It is a crucial step forward, moving from dependency or co-dependency into a sense of self-reliance and autonomy.
The ego flourishes here, driving the soul to explore autonomy and control. The independent self begins to define its identity through achievements, possessions, and relationships. However, some people get stuck in this phase, becoming overly independent. They may struggle to form deep connections because their sense of identity hinges on self-reliance. For these individuals, independence becomes a prison, isolating them from others.
Honouring and moving through this phase is necessary, recognising it as a stepping stone on the soul’s journey. Independence is vital to growth, but it is not the end. The journey must continue toward connection, trust, and surrender to something greater than the self.
3. The confident self: The height of the false self
The confident self represents the peak of the false self. At this stage, the ego fully dominates identity, thriving on accomplishments, power, and control. The confident self is often tied to worldly success, a high-ranking career, academic accolades, wealth, or social recognition.
People in this phase are at the top of their game, riding the high tide of self-assurance and confidence. They believe they have mastered life and achieved all they could ever need. This is often where people experience the pinnacle of ego-driven success, and for a time, life feels amazing.
But the confident self is still rooted in the false self, and this success doesn’t last. At some point, individuals begin to sense that something is missing. The fulfilment they thought they’d feel from their accomplishments remains elusive.
For some, this stage ends when they experience a personal crisis. A health scare, the breakdown of a relationship, or an unexpected failure triggers a shattering of their carefully constructed identity. Everything they have built begins to feel fragile, forcing them to confront deeper truths about themselves and the nature of existence.
This is the beginning of the next phase, where the questioning self begins to emerge.
4. The questioning self: The breaking down of the false self
For most clients, this is the moment when they reach out for help. The questioning self begins when the cracks in the false self become undeniable. This stage is often triggered by a traumatic or life-altering event: burnout, exhaustion, mental fatigue, the breakdown of a relationship, or a health crisis that cannot be ignored.
At this point, their world begins to crumble. The flow they once relied on leaves them adrift and overwhelmed. For them, this is a terrifying and painful experience. But for me, this is the opening of the space where the magic begins.
This is the real starting point of the soul’s journey, where the ego begins to break down, and the soul steps forward. As a guide, this is where I meet them, knowing that from this point on, the only way is up. What lies ahead is the death of the old self and the rebirth of the true self, their highest, divine essence.
While this stage is often accompanied by chaos and uncertainty, it is also filled with promise. The questioning self is the gateway to transformation, and it is here that their journey toward the true self truly begins.
5. The empty self: The middle path
The empty self is often referred to as the "dark night of the soul," but in reality, it is a space of profound transformation. It is the middle path, a no-man’s-land where the old life is gone, but the new life has yet to form. It is a transition stage, where the false self has crumbled, but the true self has not yet fully emerged.
In this phase, you can’t go back to who you once were, and you can’t unsee what you’ve now seen. The old you, along with the life you constructed around that identity, have fallen away. Yet the new purpose, vision, and self have not arrived. You are left in a space of neutrality, walking a middle path between what was and what will be.
For many, this can feel disorienting. You don’t know who you are or what you want to do in the world. Worldly identities, your career, your appearance, and your habits lose their meaning. You are stripped bare, left naked in every sense of the word.
For me, when I went through this experience, I called it being "naked." Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that I was stripped of everything I once used to define myself. I didn’t wear makeup anymore. I didn’t know what my style was or how to present myself to the world. I felt raw, vulnerable, and new, like a big, happy, naked baby.
And yet, paradoxically, this phase was also one of fullness. I was overflowing with love for life and love for everything I saw and touched. I felt completely alive and in love with existence itself. It was as if I had been born again, walking barefoot and free, full of joy and wonder at every moment.
This is the power of the empty self. While it strips you of the false self, it also fills you with the essence of the soul. You may not know your worldly purpose yet, but you are deeply connected to the divine. It is a time of surrender, trust, and allowing. You are waiting for the new self to take shape, knowing that what lies ahead will align with your highest truth.
The empty self is not an end but a sacred pause. It is the clearing, the fertile ground in which the seeds of the true self are planted. It is a time to be fully present, embrace your vulnerability, and trust that your purpose will soon be revealed.
6. The surrendered self: The soul takes the lead
The surrendered self marks a profound turning point in the soul’s journey. This is the stage where your soul self, your true self, emerges fully and takes the lead. The ego, which once dominated your identity, now steps aside, allowing the soul’s essence to shine through.
With the soul in the driver’s seat, the qualities of the true self become evident. You begin to emanate more peace, love, gratitude, and humour. Life takes on a lightness and depth that were previously inaccessible. Along with these qualities comes humility, a natural understanding of your place within the greater whole, and an openness to serve others.
In this stage, you embody the inherent gems of the soul: resilience, altruism, service, bliss, joy, and even a childlike wonder and playfulness. These qualities are not learned; they are remembered and rediscovered as the essence of who you have always been.
As your true self comes through, so do its qualities and values. Relationships begin to shift profoundly because you meet others at the soul level. This is where the phrase “I see you” takes on its most profound meaning. When you say, “I see you,” you are acknowledging: “I see your soul, I know your soul, I see my soul in you. We are one soul”.
In this stage, you no longer see people as separate from you. You recognise them as extensions of the same divine consciousness. This shift in perception allows for greater understanding, deeper compassion, and authentic connection.
You also begin to see yourself not as a body or a personality but as consciousness, pure awareness. From this place of witness and observation, you connect with the inherent qualities of conscious awareness: creativity, compassion, communication, understanding, and empathy. These qualities flow effortlessly as you align more deeply with your soul.
This alignment has a profound impact not only on your relationships but also on your body and overall health. As the soul self takes the lead, the body begins to heal. The stress hormones that dominate your earlier stages start to dissipate. You experience less reactivity and more ease, allowing the body to repair and rejuvenate.
The surrendered self is a space of openness and flow. Life becomes less about striving and more about being. You are guided by a sense of purpose that feels natural and divinely inspired. Creativity flourishes, and you are able to access higher levels of inspiration and understanding.
In this stage, your relationships, health, and connection to the divine all deepen. You are no longer just a participant in life; you are an embodiment of love, peace, and divine consciousness itself.
7. The divine self: Soul and source reunited
The journey culminates in the realisation of the divine self, the final stage of the soul’s journey. This is where the soul and Source are fully reunited, and the individual becomes a living, creative expression of Divine Energy.
At this level, you are no longer separate from the Divine; you embody it. You live as a manifestation of Source Energy, fully aligned with your higher self and in direct communication with your soul’s truth. This stage is not just about feeling connected; it is about being the connection, an embodiment of unity, love, and purpose.
Once the soul reaches this stage, your Divine Purpose becomes crystal clear. It is not something you question or search for. It simply is. At this level, there is no way you cannot know why you are here. The realisation of your purpose is automatic, an undeniable truth that fills you with certainty. You know how you are meant to serve humanity, the planet, or the greater whole because this knowing is inherent in your alignment with the Source.
Your purpose becomes more than an idea; it becomes your way of being. You live it fully, without hesitation, knowing that the Universe supports you in every way. This is the ceiling of this step. Reaching this level means embodying your Divine Expression as a soul and living your purpose with complete clarity and unwavering faith.
When you are united with Source at this level, creativity flows effortlessly. You no longer operate from a place of striving or effort; your actions are guided by divine inspiration. Your presence itself becomes a service, radiating love, light, and harmony to those around you.
This stage is marked by:
A deep sense of trust: You know the Universe has your back, and you move through life with unshakable confidence.
Effortless service: Your purpose is to be a vessel for Source Energy, and everything you do becomes an expression of this truth.
Unquestionable clarity: You know exactly why you are here and how your unique essence contributes to the greater good.
Living as the divine self means embodying love, creativity, and purpose in every aspect of your life. It is not about striving to be better or achieve more; it is about allowing the fullness of your soul to shine through in all that you do.
At this stage, your soul and Source are one, and your human lifetime becomes a sacred dance of expression and service. You are no longer bound by the limitations of the ego or the illusions of separateness. Instead, you live in alignment with the infinite, fully aware of your divine purpose and your role as a co-creator of the Universe.
Why few make this journey
The transition from the false self to the true self is rare. It requires courage, surrender, and a willingness to face the unknown. Many remain in the early stages of dependency, independence, and confidence, clinging to the comfort and security of the false self.
The questioning self marks the most difficult turning point. Here, the individual must confront the illusions of the ego and turn inward toward their soul. The journey to the true self cannot begin without this inward turn.
For those who embrace this path, the rewards are profound. The journey brings not only peace and fulfilment but also the ultimate realisation of divine purpose.
The path back home
The soul's journey is a sacred path back to its true nature, a return to the divine essence that lies within us all. Each phase, the dependent self, the independent self, the confident self, the questioning self, the empty self, the surrendered self, and the divine self, guides us closer to this truth.
It is a journey from illusion to reality, from separateness to unity, from the false self to the true self. And in the end, it is a journey of love, a love so vast and infinite that it calls every soul back home.
Where are you on your soul’s journey?
As you read this, take a moment to reflect: Where is your soul on its journey? Are you still in the early stages of building a sense of self through dependency or independence? Have you reached the confident self, where the illusion of control feels secure but limiting? Or are you standing at the threshold, questioning the nature of reality and feeling the pull to look inward?
Perhaps you’ve already stepped into the dark night of the soul, feeling the painful stripping away of ego yet sensing the faint light of the divine in the distance. Or maybe you’re beginning to surrender, opening yourself to divine love, truth, and unity. Wherever you are, know this: the journey is yours, sacred and unique, yet shared by every soul on its path home.
This is what we often call “self-discovery.” But perhaps it’s time to call it what it truly is: soul discovery. It’s not just about finding who you are; it’s about remembering who you have always been.
The journey of the soul is an invitation to awaken, to turn inward, and to return home to your true self. So, where are you now? And where will your next step take you?
Read more from Gem Dentith
Gem Dentith, Personal Transformation Consultant & Coach
Gem Dentith is an entrepreneur, speaker, coach, and founder of Gem Dentith Global, dedicated to helping individuals achieve radical self-alignment and authentic success. Drawing on her journey from healthcare to strategic business leadership and personal transformation, Gem developed the Aligned Success Method™, a framework empowering high achievers to lead lives of purpose and resilience. Her forthcoming book, Undressed, offers tools for moving beyond external validation to live with true alignment. Gem’s work inspires leaders, entrepreneurs, and seekers to redefine success and embrace their fullest potential.
